Monday, December 29, 2014

The Nursery: Before & During, Part 1

This weekend B1 began the tedious (but satisfying) work of cleaning, insulating and building the nursery in the aft cabin.  This previously neglected space was essentially used as our attic.  We stored anything and everything in here, including, at one point, our refrigerator.  It also doubled as our closet/dresser, as we kept all of our clothing (in plastic bins) in this space.  We plan on continuing to store our clothes in this manner, behind a false wall that B1 is building.

Here are a few before and "during" pictures:

The empty storage area, all cleaned up and ready for insulation.

Ta daaa!  Fully insulated storage space to help retain the heat in the winter and to keep it out in the summer.  There will be a wall up here to hide the storage bins.

Testing out the wood in the space soon to be a custom crib for two.  You can just see the storage area from the picture above on the right hand side of this picture, behind the wood panel.
B1 building the framing for the wall.
Framing for the "crib".

A little more insulation (replaced the mirrored door with insulation (pink), a mock up of the shelf and the custom cut crib platform.  There will eventually be three walls around this, and a gate in the front when they are older.

It's sturdy!
There's plenty more to do!  B1 will be working hard over the next couple of weeks to get everything ready for the boys' anticipated arrival.  I'll post more pictures as we progress.

Friday, December 19, 2014

Still Pregnant :)




I hit 31 weeks on Wednesday and have defied the odds so far.  At 28 weeks, when they told me about my cervix, they were convinced I'd go into labor by 30 weeks.  At 30 weeks when my FFN test came back positive, they were convinced I'd have the babies by 31 weeks.  And here I am now at 31w3d and I'm still pregnant.  Our short term goal right now is to make it to 32 weeks, and our long term goal is 34 weeks.  I'd really love it if they were born on 12/30, if they have to be born this year.  That way they'd have their own day, instead of having to share it with a holiday.

But 34 weeks is our goal...not that we have any control of it at all but it makes us (me) feel better having one.

On Wednesday we met with a NICU doctor and toured the floor.  It made us feel so much better.  The doctor pretty much told us that at 31 weeks, he has no major concerns about our babies.  So if they are born now or next week, they'll need a little help breathing and eating, but that their chances of having long term health issues are almost completely gone (due to premature labor-genetics is more of a factor at this point).  If they are born after 32 weeks, that goes down even further, and they'll probably just need a little help breathing, but we'll most likely be able to feed them on our own.  I could even try to get them to latch on so I can breastfeed, which is the ultimate goal.

HUGE relief.  I can stop worrying so much about our boys making an early appearance.  Hopefully that'll help my blood pressure a bit (it's been high for a few weeks now-go figure!).

Another wonderful thing that we learned is that we can absolutely still hold them and cuddle them and do skin to skin with them, even at 31 weeks, hooked up to wires.  I was so sad and worried that we wouldn't be able to hold our babies for over a month.  But in fact, we can!  And they encourage it, actually. 

Also, (yes there's more-it was a very positive visit!) we can have our families visit the babies!  We're limiting the visitors to immediate family one, because it is an ICU floor and we want to be cautious.  And we are asking our families to get both a flu shot and a Tdap shot, if they haven't already gotten one (recommendation by the NICU doctor).

So, to summarize, I'm still pregnant, but if they come early now, we're less scared.  And that's a good thing.

Monday, December 01, 2014

Good News, Bad News, Good News

This year B1 and I had some professional pictures taken for this year's Christmas cards.  Mainly because it will be the only time when I'll have a big pregnant belly, and I'm not planning on "maternity photos" like so many people get today.  And all of the photos from our showers weren't Christmas card worthy, in my mind.  And there was a Groupon, so we got them done for $20.  Here are a few from the session.  They are blurry because they are screen shots, but you get the idea.



The Christmas lights on my belly were my idea. :)

This is my favorite of the session, though I must have been making a weird face, because they cropped it out.  Which is sad.  But I do still love this picture.  B1 kisses my belly daily and it's adorable to have it captured in a picture.

There's another picture that's zoomed out so you can see our faces and bodies too, but I like this close up.  We chose "twins" because our other option was "babys" and we didn't want to tell the nice girl that she spelled "babies" incorrectly.  Twins works well though. :)

I'm in love with them.  We have an 8X10, two 5x7's and hysterically, gift tags, with the first picture on them.  And those gift tags are huge.  I can't wait to give people gifts with them. 

And here's another update.  My babies are trying to be born early.  At my last appointment, my cervix was measured at 1.7 when it should be 3.0 or greater.  This means my body is starting to prepare for labor.  I haven't been having any contractions, so that's good, but the 1.7 is concerning.  To help support my cervix, they inserted a pessary, and it's helped with the pressure a little bit.  In addition, I'm showing slight signs of preeclampsia, which is actually more urgent than the cervix issue.  That said, my blood and urine work came back OK over the weekend, so I'm still skirting along in the "safe" zone right now.

I'll be monitored weekly from now on.  Yay for being high risk.

At first I was really freaking out.  I am still very worried and want to keep these babies cooking for as long as possible-but at least for another 2 weeks when I hit 30 weeks.  That's another major milestone for them, and their chances of survival without long-term health issues because greater.  If this had happened 2 weeks prior, the doctors would be telling me that the babies have a less than 50% chance of survival.  So we're in as good a place as we can be right now and we're hoping I continue to carry these twins for a bit longer.

There are a lot of stories out there that have given me hope over the weekend.  Most of what I've read shows that women who had a shortened cervix, once ID'd, have gone on for weeks, if not months and delivered health babies.  Others who couldn't continue to carry at 28 weeks have shared that their babies were born and lived in the NICU for a while (usually 10-12 weeks) and then went on to be healthy after that.  So I'm hopeful, but nervous.

I'll be checked again on Wednesday to see if I've progressed at all....cross your fingers/pray/send good vibes that I haven't.

More good news: Baby Jack weighs about 3.2 pounds and Baby Bobby weights about 2.11 pounds.  These are both a little heavier than average.  So if they are born now, they'll have that going for them.

Also, their heartbeats are both very strong.


Monday, November 17, 2014

The last two weeks have been very exciting for us. We had our baby showers! The first took place in CT, where my immediate family is from. Having a shower in CT also allowed many of my extended family members-including my Nana-to participate without having to drive 4.5 hours to Boston. It was a lovely, sunny day with lots of love and laughter. The theme was two peas in a pod, which was secretly what I wanted it to be! Take a look at some of the fun we had that day...























Of note in the pictures above:
1. The beautiful card my sister made me with a mama elephant and two twin babies.  If you didn't know this already, I adore elephants and have collected them my whole life.  Adorbs.

2.  The cake.  Need I say more?

3.  The picture of my Nana and I.  It's become one of my favorites of all time already.

4.  The cupcakes at the bottom of the page, made by my niece Rye Bread, who is now 12.  (I KNOW!)  If you don't know this, she's the one I've been making all of the cakes for since she was born.  So it was totally awesome that she made these for us.  They say "Jack and Robert", which will be our boys' names.

5.  The "two peas in a pod" made from a blanket and lots of diapers!

Our second shower, our MA shower, took place yesterday here in Boston at a local yacht club.  It was thrown by my MIL and had a Mickey/nautical theme, since we got engaged at Disney and live on a boat.  While this day was not very sunny, the room was still filled with lots of love and laughter.  And really, who needs the sun when you have that to warm your heart?























Of note in the pictures above:

1.  The picture at the top left, of B1 and I with his Grampie, who's just an awesome guy.  This picture was taken for Jack's baby book, because Jack will have Grampie's middle name.  In each of the boys' baby books, I'm putting pictures of the men they are named after, with little stories or notes about why we chose to honor them.  Sadly, my Papa, Jack, is no longer with us, so I won't be able to put a current picture in there.

2.  The Jack and Richard "Crew Since 2015" onsies, which doubled as a guest book.

3.  The cake.  Again, need I say more?

4.  The picture of our Dads in the lower right hand side.  Robert will be named after them...Robert is on the left, aka, Papa, and Grampie is on the right.

5.  The "ship cake" made out of onsies.  So cute.

White we didn't receive a few key items we registered for, we did get many wonderful (and cute!) presents that make us breath a little easier now.  Unfortunately we have to return a few gifts which are too far away from what we registered for (I never understand why people don't buy from registries...it just causes more work for the person receiving the gift) or that just won't work with our current living situation.  But we did get a few gift cards which will make our shopping easier, thank God.  Now that the showers are over, I'm feeling less stressed out (party planning control freak over here!  Yes, I admit it.) and am looking forward to organizing it all in the next month or so, once the nursery is ready.

Yes.  We'll have a nursery.  Yes, on the boat. :) I'll be sure to share the before, during and after pictures as B1 converts the back cabin into a baby wonderland.


Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Friday, November 07, 2014

Playlist: Labor & Delivery

What a whirlwind of a month it's been so far!  We started our "Prepared Childbirth" classes (what a joke-who's every prepared to push one baby out, let alone TWO!?!?), met the team of midwives at the hospital and toured the L&D floor.  I was also set to take my first breastfeeding class, but this week wiped me out completely, so I rescheduled.  Nonetheless, stuff is happening, and we're at 89 days, if I go full term.  Which, by the way, is not very likely (but we're praying!). 

After touring the hospital (and hearing and seeing newborns!) I've started thinking more seriously about what I'll put in my hospital bag.  (I'm going to start packing it very soon, just in case...)  One of the things that I know I want with us while we are killing time is music.  Mostly relaxing music, but probably also some upbeat songs that can energize us when we need it.  I just did a search for "Labor and delivery music" and see a few good ideas, but I thought maybe YOU had a couple of suggestions too.

I know most of you don't click over to comment often, and that's OK.  But if you DO have any favorites you think might be uplifting, relaxing or energizing, please consider leaving me a comment.  Even if it's anonymously.  :)

B1 and I thank you in advance.

Monday, October 20, 2014

The Truth About Pregnancy

Ask most women about how they liked being pregnant, and they'll tell you (if not exclaim) how much they LOVED being pregnant. And they'll tell you how magical it is, and how wonderful you'll look and feel, and how they'd be pregnant forever if they could be.

Now ask me.  And I'll tell you how it really is.

Pregnancy is magical.  It's wonderful and amazing and I feel so blessed to be going through this horrible journey.  Yes, I said horrible.  That's because, my friends, so far I've had a really, really rough pregnancy.  All of the "you might feel (insert horrible side effect of pregnancy) this week" side effects you read about, I got.  Yet none of the "this week you'll start to feel better" things have really been true for me.  And, at almost 23 weeks, I am still experiencing the joys of morning sickness.  Which, by the way, isn't just restricted to the mornings.

For instance, last night at dinner I had to leave the table to go be sick.  And this morning, even though there was nothing in my stomach, I was sick again.

And then there's the wonderful side effect of not being able to poop.  Or, pooping too much.  Very rare is the Goldilocks of poop anymore (juuuuust right).  And don't get me started on having to pee all the time...

And also, I'm still in the "aversions" stage.  Most of my food no longer "hits the spot".  Which is mostly OK because I can't really eat much anyway.  (Think 1/2 of a hamburger or baked potato.)   When people ask me if I'd had any strange cravings yet, I think my shoulders sink a little.  Because, boy, would I love to have some cravings.

I do look pretty cute though.  My bump is definitely showing now and my skin and hair looks great.  And the boys have started kicking much more in the past week or so and B1 can actually feel it now too.  And that's pretty amazing.

And since we're talking about B1, I have to mention yet again how lucky I am to have him.  I really REALLY hit the jackpot with him.  He's simply the best person I know.  And it get awesomer and awesomer every day we go through this magically horrible journey together.

This morning, for instance, after being sick I went out into the main cabin for some water.  Cold, wet and shaking, I sat down on the bed and B1 came right over to rub my back.  Even though I was dripping water all over the bed, and even though he'd just heard me hurling first thing in the morning (no one likes that-and remember-we're in very close quarters).  And even though he still had some more time to sleep before getting up for work (and-even though he's not been sleeping well because I'VE not been sleeping well).

And when I got to work, I received an email from my love, which brightened my day:

Our fraternal elephants, Frank and Krackle.  (Who I owned long before getting pregnant, BTW.)
So.  My summary of pregnancy so far is that yes, it is magical.  But it is also horrible.  And I am very blessed to be able to be experiencing it and to be doing it with my B1.

23 weeks pregnant with twins

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Babymoon

This weekend B1 and I took our last vacation before we become parents of twin boys.  *Gulp*  The trendy term these days is "babymoon".  Truthfully, that terms seems silly to me, but really, I don't care what it was called because it was pure heaven.

Ever since I was little I wanted to go to the Poconos.  Specifically, I wanted to stay at the couples resort which had the champagne glass hot tubs in the rooms.  Those commercials seduced me as a child and it just always stuck in my head.  "One day I'll go there", I said.  And go there I did.

B1 and I always take a mini-vacation in December, usually to the mountains in New Hampshire.  Knowing that this year I'll likely be...unable to travel...we thought it would be fun to get away during Columbus Day weekend while I'm still fairly mobile.  Imagine my delight and surprise when I saw a Groupon for the very same resort I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO!  A quick call to B1 confirmed he had the time off, and it was booked.

The room offered was NOT a champagne room...but it was actually BETTER.  Why?  Because it had a POOL IN THE ROOM!  Yes.  A heated pool.  In. Our. Room.  In addition to a heart shaped whirlpool tub, a sauna and a fireplace.  Oh-and a round bed.

When I told B1 about all of these amenities he asked, "What kind of sex palace IS this?!"  But of course he said it was a smile.  I prefer to call it a lovers haven...

It was everything I'd hoped for and more.  All you can eat breakfast and dinner was included, along with all of the activities we wanted to participate in.  These included: archery, ice skating (yes, really), archery, pool, boating, ping pong, basketball, tennis, heated outdoor pools and hot tubs, indoor pools and hot tubs, and nightly entertainment.  We saw a live band and a comedian.  For an additional fee, we could have gone to the spa or gone horseback riding too.  But, with a pool and whirlpool tub in our room, we opted to use those amenities most of the time.


The resort is definitely in a time warp.  It was outdated but not run down.  Our room was clean though it probably could have been a tiny bit cleaner.  We knew going into this that would be the case though, so we weren't surprised or upset by any of this.  In fact, we were delighted and excited and we had such a marvelous time.  In fact, on our last morning, B1 didn't want to get up from the breakfast table because, "that means we have to leave".

What a perfect place for a babymoon.

Wednesday, October 08, 2014

21 Weeks

I officially look pregnant.


It seems like over night, my belly "popped' and people who haven't seen me in a long time have asked when I am due.  My boss today said, "You realize...you actually look pregnant now, right?"

Um...yes.  But thank you.

This weekend was our annual turkey roast at the marina.  It's an event which draws many of the summer crowd in addition to our winter friends.  Many of these people I haven't seen in at least a year and so I know they haven't heard the news.  It pleased me when several of them came up to me and congratulated me, or asked me when I am due.  Yay for not just looking fat anymore!  I have a bump. :) 

It feels wonderful.  And also weird.  But mostly wonderful.

Our registries are completed, baby shower invites have been mailed (we're having them early due to the holidays, and also due to the fact that I could have these little guys earlier than February)...we even bought a little something for our boys already.  We couldn't resist:


I mean, c'mon.  So cute, right? As B1 likes to say, "It's getting very real."

And life is good.


Friday, October 03, 2014

Survey Says!

Twin Fraternal Boys!




Amazing, no?  I think the pic of Bobbie show's Jack's head in the background and that's why it looks like there's a double outline. 

Monday, September 29, 2014

Thursday, September 25, 2014

The Wellness Wave=Progress

I've had a good week so far, and for that I am very thankful.  I've managed to do some major organization (mainly in the kitchen and dining areas), attend a class about breastfeeding, visit Ikea and Target, clean the bathroom and have dinner with a friend.  All in the same week.  For un-pregnant Maggie, this is pretty normal.  For pregnant Maggie?  Not so much.  I'm not silly enough to believe that my morning sickness and tiredness is over, but I am smart enough to take advantage of this little reprieve to get shit done!

Yesterday was an absolutely lovely day in Boston.  It's days like these that really make me appreciate the uniqueness of where we live.  Last night while cooking dinner, this was my view from the stove:


And if I go outside and stand in the cockpit of our boat, this is the view:

The Boston Garden and my favorite landmark, the Zakim Bridge.

That's the Old North Church on the left, and the famous clock tower next to it.   
I know that city life isn't for everyone-and I'm still in love with the woods-but man, I really, really love living here.  Especially with a view like this.

Oh!  Another thing I did this weekend was update my little garden inside.  Since I'm the only person in the world who can't keep air plants alive (?!?!), and this little terrarium came with an air plant, I decided to replace it with a succulent.  I thought this one looked quite pretty against the orange and the green, so I'm giving it a whirl.  So far, so good.  It makes me smile every time I'm at the stove:


Sadly, my other plant, along with our fruit hammock has been infested with spiders (ew!)



:)  The one thing I really miss about living in an apartment or house is the seasonal decorating.  It's pretty hard to do in such a small space, but I thought those little critters would add a little whimsy to our lives, and so far, they have.

I hope to ride this wave of wellness for as long as I can.  This weekend we have dinner plans with another couple, and next week I start knitting classes, in addition to choir practice.  Oh-I joined a church choir.  We'll see how long that lasts-I'm not sure I'll be feeling well enough in the coming months to venture out in the evenings, but for now, it'll be fun.  And it'll help me establish a position in the congregation where our children will be baptized in May.  Yes, it's already scheduled.  I'm trying to be as proactive as I can now, because I know once those little mangoes get here I won't have any time. :)

19 Weeks: Fraternal Mangoes


Friday, September 19, 2014

Baby Wearing

Over the last couple of weeks we've been working on finding the best baby gear to add to our (not yet finished) baby registries.  It's so hard to know who's opinion to trust and what will work for us.  It's even harder to try to figure out which gear will work for us on the boat, with twins.  Luckily, there happens to be a blogging family who lives on a sailboat...with twins.  For the most part I've taken a lot of cues from the Mom and it's helped, but there are still quite a few things we're trying to navigate through.  Baby wearing is one of them.

My choices are plentiful.  I have ring slings (which I've chosen) and Moby wraps (also chosen for when they're newborn's) and hammocks (a little weird).  They come in pretty colors and patterns and seem to be very popular.  I'll be able to crisscross the babies on each shoulder with the ring slings, making it easier to carry them both at one time.

But for men, these options don't always seem to be appealing.  Mainly, I think, because the slings look pretty feminine.  I think B1 may break down and wear the Moby wrap though because it's the only way we'll have to carry both infants hands free until they can hold up their own heads.  99% of the backpack type carriers, which men seems to gravitate toward (from what I can see), only carry singletons.  We did find one, however, which seems like it'll work well called TwinTrexx.  It looks pretty versatile and gender neutral, and B1 seems to like it, so there's that.

Earlier today I emailed him to ask him if he made a decision on which baby carrier he wants...This is what you get when you have a silly husband:





Yep.  He's alllll mine ladies.  ;) 

Needless to say, we'll be getting the TwinTrexx...

Monday, September 15, 2014

2 Years

2 years ago yesterday B1 and I were married, on a warm, sunny day at the beach.  It was absolutely perfect in every way and I wish I could go and relive it.

2 years ago yesterday I looked like this:



Yesterday B1 and I had a perfect day.  We slept in, had breakfast, went apple picking (and got pumpkins and hot apple cider donuts), and had dinner at Top of the Hub.  I felt great almost all day and the sun, once again, was shining.

Yesterday, I looked like this:



B1 and I have grown over the last 2 years.

I've grown over the last 4 months.

The best is yet to come.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Plus Size Maternity Clothing

...is really difficult to find.

In general, I think that plus sized women have a harder time finding classy, affordable clothing than "normal" sized girls.  In my area, there are only two plus size fashion stores.  One has slightly trashy styles and isn't of good quality and the other is very expensive.  99% of the time I end up buying clothing online.  Which becomes frustrating and expensive because of how often I have to return the item due to it not fitting correctly.

Now imagine how hard it is to find clothing for a plus sized women when her belly is growing every day.  Yup, it's hard.  NO ONE sells plus size maternity clothing in the stores.  No one...at least not in my state.  Literally every piece of maternity clothing I own now was purchased online from one of two stores (different than the ones mentioned above).  One of them is a well-known department store with good prices, but their sizing is completely off.  I bought a skirt the other day online which fit, but was a little snug in my belly (even with the built in belly band).  Being proactive, I returned it and order the next larger size...which was SMALLER than the smaller size.  Needless to say, I am frustrated at the additional $18 I paid to send both skirts back.  So much for good prices.  The other store is a well known maternity store with good quality clothing and good sizing, but their prices are ridiculously high.  I hear they have good sales, but truthfully, I haven't seen them yet...

So, I've become an obsessed pregnant woman in search of very specific items to complete my fall/winter wardrobe.  It's very difficult to plan, though, because I don't know exactly how big I'm going to get.  I'm guessing pretty huge (B1 agrees-he actually searched for pictures of twin pregnancy to see how big women get!), considering there are two and my belly is already ballooning.  In any case, I spend a lot of time on Google searching for plus size maternity dress pants.  Or jeans.  Or dresses.  Or most recently, winter coats (came up with a great option, but soon realized they don't deliver to the US!)...most of the time I end up purchasing larger sizes of regular plus size clothes.  For instance, all of my new sweaters are a size larger than I would normally wear, except for the open cardigans which aren't meant to close anyway.  The winter coat I ended up buying is a swing coat by design, which gives more room anyway, and was purchased 4 sizes larger (yes, 4 sizes-remember there will be TWO babies growing underneath!). 

This is also making for a lot of deliveries to the boat.  It feels like Christmas almost everyday!  As of today, I am waiting for:

  • A fluffy purple robe, because my current monogrammed fluffy robe won't fit this winter, and it's an essential part of me keeping warm at night on the boat.
  • Black dress pants, because, well, work.  And only 1 pair, because I wear dresses 99.9% of my life.
  • A plus size belly band.  Because of round ligament pain and also, they say I'll need it to support my back later on.
  • One pretty teal shirt that I can dress up or down.
  • One navy blue and white striped dress, that I hope is thick enough so I can wear it through the winter, with a sweater and tights.
  • A pretty yellow sweater that I plan on wearing with the navy dress, a black maxi dress or jeans.
I'm also really hoping that I win an Ebay auction for a purple and black dress that I could possibly wear to my baby shower (which hasn't yet been planned, but I'm a planner, as we all know!)

I love shopping, but this is actually quite exhausting.  I imagine that if I had one or two stores that I could walk into and try things on that it would be a lot more fun.  Now, I spend hours scouring the internet looking for secret places and good deals.  And I'm spending a lot of money on shipping.  I suppose it's worth it, though, to have clothes that fit and that make me feel good.

Here's a look at some of the pieces I've either acquired, or hope to in the near future:



Now let's just hope that they'll all grow with me!  February's still a loooong way away!

Wednesday, September 03, 2014

16 Weeks: Check In

How far along: 16 Weeks

Total weight gain: 3.2 pounds

Maternity clothes: Yes, and I am actively looking for more fall/winter clothes as we speak.

Sleep:  Usually about 8 hours.  I wish I could get 10.

Best moment of this week: Realizing the glucose test liquid wasn’t as horrible as everyone said it was.

Miss anything: Not worrying about every little thing that happens to me.

Size of babies: Avocados!
16 Weeks
Food cravings/aversions: Sadly, no.  Though I just found out I failed my 1 hour test, and have to take the 3 hour on Friday.  So if it ends up being that I have GD, then having no cravings will be a very good thing.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Less and less, thankfully.  I still have some aversions that pop up randomly and some smelly things still put me off, but I think I’m getting over this hump. (I just jinxed it!)

Have you started to show yet: Yes! I have a very pronounced “B” belly.  I wish it were cute and round like everyone else’s, but it’s mine and it’s growing!

Gender: I heard their little heartbeats yesterday and if old wives tales are valid, then we’re having two girls!

Labor signs: Thank God, no.

Belly button in or out: In!

Wedding rings on or off: On, but every now and then I have to take them off for a couple of hours to let the swelling go down.

Happy or moody most of the time: Up and down…

Looking forward to: Finding out if I have GD or not.  I take the 3 hour test on Friday morning.  I’m not really looking forward to this, per se, but I am looking forward to not having to worry about whether or not I have it.  Knowing is half the battle.


Friday, August 22, 2014

14 Weeks: Check In

How far along: 14 weeks, 2 days

Total weight gain: Last time it was 4 pounds, I'm sure it's more now.  My belly has gotten bigger in the last week.

Maternity clothes: Today I am officially wearing Mom jeans...or maternity jeans to be more specific.  And they are COMFY!

Sleep:  Usually about 8 hours.  I wish I could get 10.

Best moment of this week: Not a specific moment, but I'm thankful that my morning sickness is getting a little better.  Oh!  I did get to have dinner with an old friend who is due in November, so I got to chat about babies all night long!

Miss anything: Nothing really.  I'm still not jazzed about food yet.

Size of babies: Lemons


Food cravings/aversions: No real cravings yet.  I still have many aversions.  Things I used to love eating no longer taste amazing to me.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I get queasy or sick every  morning still.  Sometimes just thinking about something gross makes me start gagging, even if it's not right in front of me.  That said, I am no longer sick all day like I was for the first 12 weeks, and I'm taking that as an encouraging sign that this stage is almost past me.

Have you started to show yet: Yes! I feel my belly growing by the day.

Gender: No idea.  I saw two twin boys today at the coffee shop though and wondered how the heck we'll be able to handle it if they're both boys! :)

Labor signs: Thank God, no.

Belly button in or out: In!

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or moody most of the time: Moody this week.

Looking forward to: My next appointment with the midwife on 9/2, and my nephew's birthday party tomorrow.

Monday, August 18, 2014

To my regular readers, or those of you who just stumbled upon my blog, please ignore this message and read the posts below this one.

This is a message someone I asked not to contact me again.  You know who you are.  Stop reading this blog.  Do not ever contact me again.  If you do contact me, I will contact the police and tell them that you are harassing me and have been for almost 10 years.  You are right, I did block you from Facebook and I'm not sure how you got through recently.  If it happens again, the police will know about that too.

If I see you coming to this blog again, I will shut it down.  And that will be very heartbreaking for me because I've had it for almost 10 years.  So please, just move on and leave me alone.

Dear Wine

I miss you.  That is all.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

13 Weeks


Tomorrow I'll be 13 weeks pregnant which will officially bring me into my 2nd trimester.  Already.  It's crazy how time has flown by.  And truthfully, even though I have morning sickness and my belly is growing (and I no longer fit into most of my clothes) it's still so unbelievable.

From 7-9 weeks I was taking pictures of my belly.  But because it was so early, there really wasn't a change.  At week 9 there was a little change, but even still, it was little.  However, over the last couple of weeks my belly has really popped and can visibly be seen by anyone who knows me.

I say that because I'm a plus size girl, and so my belly is never completely flat.  And to outsiders, I probably just look fatter than normal.  Which kinds of stinks, but you know what?  I don't care.  My babies are in there and that's the reason I'm growing.  And I'm so happy that it's begun.  Here is my week 13 picture:



It's amazing what pregnancy has done for my body image already.  Last week when we were taking our announcement photos, I noticed myself subconsciously trying to suck in my belly when the photos were about to be shot.  When I realized this, I remembered that my belly, for one thing, can't be sucked in anymore, but also that it is growing because of babies.  And it's now acceptable in societies eyes for me to have a belly. And I felt better about it then.

Which is sad.  Why aren't I-and thousands of other beautiful plus sized women-allowed to feel beautiful when we are without child?  And more importantly, why do I allow society to dictate how I feel about myself?  I really hope that I can remember this wisdom in a year.

Monday, August 11, 2014

This Is Pregnancy

Some days I can set up an entire campsite all by myself. I even chopped some wood and built the fire:





Other days my feet look like this-which is very swollen for me:


Let the swelling fun begin, I guess!  (Even my hands are swollen today.) :(  I'm just on the cusp of my 2nd trimester (Wednesday.)

Relief

My updated Facebook header.  It was originally just the picture on the left from our wedding day, but I thought it would be cute to update it with the similar picture from our announcement.  Love it.

It's official, I'm pregnant with twins.  We've known this all along, of course, but now it's really official because last night we posted it on Facebook.  And what a relief it is, I'll tell you.  That's a HARD secret to keep!  And of course we're so excited at the response.  Everyone is so excited for us and it is so wonderful to be able to share this with everyone we know. 

The majority of the people who know are very surprised-they didn't think that we'd ever have children.  In fact, so much so, that they never even really asked us if we were having children because they already knew we weren't.  Which actually was quite nice, considering the process we went through.  Having constant questions would no doubt have made the infertility journey more stressful.  I'm so happy we kept it a secret until it was a success. 

Now I can being the process of building a registry.  We'll probably end up having two showers and they'll probably be earlier than normal pregnancies because I'm due in February.  Normally December would be the perfect time for a shower, pregnancy-wise, but because of the holidays and the snow, earlier is better.  So I'll create some registries and B1 and I can have some fun with the scanning gun!!  I can't wait.  It's so fun to plan stuff.  Although...we won't know what the sexes are until October...so we should really wait until then.  Boo!



Wednesday, August 06, 2014

12 Weeks; The Announcement

This weekend B1 and I will be telling our family and closest friends about our exciting news in person and via telephone.  Once they are all in the know, we'll be sending (via Paperless Post) and posting (via Facebook) the following so that the rest of our family and friends will have the news:


We're so excited that we can finally tell everyone!  It's getting harder and harder to keep our secret, especially because I'm starting to show.  Yes, it mostly looks like I"m just getting fatter, but my belly is growing nonetheless!  I won't be able to hide it much longer, and thank God we don't have to.

I had my first appointment with my OB on Monday and everything went very well.  I really like the team we're assembled to help us through this journey.  The nurse midwife is extremely down to earth and friendly-and not at all earthy crunchy-and the OB is also very approachable.  She checked everything out and looked at the babies with an ultrasound (sadly no pictures this time).  They actually LOOK like babies now!  It's amazing.  The picture above was taken at around 6 or 7 weeks, so they don't really look like anything but baby beans.  But now?  Wow...babies!  I still can't believe it.

One of the babies was a little wiggle worm-it wouldn't stop moving!  Around and around, scrunching it's little body up and down.  It was quite funny.  Especially because the other baby appeared to be sound asleep with its back to its sibling.  The funniest part about this though is that it's EXACTLY like B1 and I when we sleep.  I move and move and squirm all night and poor B1 is just on his side of the bed sleeping away.  It'll be funny to see if this pattern continues.

Both hearts were beating strong and they appear to be growing well.  Today they are the size of plums.  We find out the gender of the babies on October 2nd, as long as they cooperate!

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Re-Entry

Have you ever seen a (newly-yesterday was my birthday!) 38-year old pregnant (with twins) lady the day she comes back from an 11-day vacation?  It's not pretty.

Today's reentry to work has been ROUGH.  Not only am I exhausted from all of the fun things we did over vacation, but I also haven't had caffeine in months.  Months.  It's pretty brutal.

So last week we sailed to Gloucester for 3 days and then we sailed back to Boston.  While it was mostly fun (I got sick on Monday and pretty much had to stay in bed the whole day), it was also tiring.  We always get sucked into the romanticism of sailing for vacation and I think we forget how tiring it is.  7-9 hours on the open sea, no one around, not much land...it gets very boring.  Even though we love being on the water and love traveling, it just gets old after about 5 hours.  We want to BE THERE already, ya know?  Anyway, we came back after sailing (no nausea for me-yay!) and stayed in a hotel just outside of Boston.  Just to stay in a hotel.  We played some mini golf, ate Japanese food and relaxed.  It was actually really great.  Then this weekend my 12 year old niece and our 11 year old God-daughter came for the weekend.  Which was fun, but MAN-I was ready for some QUIET by the end of the weekend.  Thank God we had yesterday off.  We relaxed and slept in and then got up for a very late breakfast.  Then did nothing until dinner when we got dressed up and ate lots of yummy tapas.

But still, I'm exhausted.  I didn't sleep very well last night and without coffee, I'm functioning at a very low level right now...

I need a vacation!


Tuesday, July 15, 2014

I'm Pregnant With Twins

I just ordered two pair of these shoes:


Because you know, they're adorable.  But also because we need them for our pregnancy announcement, which we'll be sending out the first week of August.  Via email and Facebook...it will involve our feet in our boat shoes, along with two sets of baby boat shoes.  On our dock...possibly with the city behind us, if we can find the perfect spot.

I'm pretty excited about it.  Marking the end of my 1st trimester is cause enough for celebration, but being able to actually tell people in our lives that we're having a baby two babies is super exciting.  I'm looking forward to people knowing I'm having twins instead of them thinking I'm just getting a little fatter than I already am.

There will actually be two announcements.  One will be normal and that will be the one I'll use, and one will say, "We're gonna need a bigger boat" and that will be the one B1 uses.  I hate that quote and hate that I'll probably hear it 1000 times now that we're having twins.

"Oh, really?  Twins?!  That's great-you're gonna need a bigger boat!"  Har, har, har...

(I don't know why I hate it so much...I just do.  And pregnancy hormones make me hate it more!)

Anyway...

Tomorrow I hit the 9 week mark which means I'm SO CLOSE to the 2nd trimester (13 weeks).  They say I'll feel better then, and I'll be so angry if they're lying! :)  This has been a tough week and a half for me.  I'm sick all of the time and am exhausted but can't get to sleep early.  I can't eat much and am rarely hungry.  And apparently I don't like kiwi anymore, because I couldn't swallow it the other day.  But I love kiwi.  Pregnant Mags?  Not so much.

Such is life when you're pregnant with twins!

(Yes, I'm saying that a lot...I'm trying to get used to it!)

Monday, July 07, 2014

Four Feet

A little over a year ago, B1 asked if he could talk to me.  Nervously, I sat down and looked at him expectantly.  He told me to close my eyes and hold out my hands.  I trust him, so I did.  What he placed in my hands that day forever changed our lives.

In my hands, he placed a pair of baby boat shoes.

B1 never wanted to have children.  I knew this before we were engaged and while I was disappointed, I wasn't devastated.  It wasn't a deal breaker.  We met later in life and by that time, I had already given up on the idea of having a family.  Hell, I had even given up on finding true love.  So hitting the jackpot in love was always enough for me.  Sure, every now and then I would dream about how awesome B1 would be as a daddy, or what it would be like to be pregnant, but I pushed it out of my head and focused on while a wonderful life we have without children.  And I dreamed about all of the things we would be able to do because we didn't have children.

And then he put those shoes in my hands and told me how much he loves me and how, over the last few years, he's realized that he wants it all.  He wants to have a family with me.

I can't begin to tell you how happy I was to hear those word.  Of course I wanted to start a family with B1-of course!  In fact, I couldn't think of anything I wanted more.

We decided that we would hold off on trying until the end of the summer so that we could have one full summer free of morning sickness and doctor appointments.  We'd start trying in September, we said...

...but then we got excited.  And I stopped taking birth control and we said that we wouldn't actively try but we wouldn't not try either.  But nothing happened and we had a wonderful summer anyway.  In September, I started tracking my cycles, taking my temperature and peeing on sticks to predict ovulation.  Every month we'd anxiously await the results and every month they were negative.  By December I knew it was time to see a doctor.  Since we are both considered "old" by fertility standards, I knew that the normal 1 year of trying would be knocked down to 6 months.  So I called and made an appointment for January 2014.

When I met with the fertility doctor, I showed her all of my charts and gave her my full medical history.  She ordered some tests for both myself and for B1 and after a few weeks, we knew the diagnosis.  While I won't get into specifics here, we were, as a couple, diagnosed with infertility.  And given our ages, it was suggested that we skip over all of the normal fertility drugs they start with and go right into our first cycle of IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). For several reasons, this didn't actually occur until late April.  There are so many factors involved with beginning IVF including getting insurance to approve everything and getting my cycle on track.  I was impatient to get started, but happy that the ball was at least rolling.

Around mid-May I begin my first round of injections into my stomach.  For the most part, this went off without a hitch and didn't really even hurt most of the time.  The drugs did sting for a few seconds when they were absorbing into my body, but that's about it.  After each (specifically timed) injection, I placed an ice pack on my belly and laid down for about 20 minutes to relax.  By my side was a nice big glass of red wine, to also help me relax.  I did this every night for 10 nights.  Toward the middle of this cycle, my blood was tested almost daily to monitor my hormone levels.  And then toward the end, I also had internal ultrasounds to check to see how my ovaries were doing and to see how long my folicles were getting.  The bigger the follicle the better, as they are the heros who produce the precious eggs.  On the last day, I was told to go home and replace all of my shots with a different shot-one that would trigger my body to ovulate, and thus releasing all of the eggs we produced.

That shot hurt like a mother.  And it left a huge welt, too.  But it did it's job and two days later, I went into surgery to extract the eggs.  All in all, 8 were retrieved-a great number.  I came through the surgery fine and only had a few minor side effects (major bloating-I couldn't even stand up without it hurting!).  Later that day, 7 of the eggs were fertilized using B1's sperm (which he was so nice to leave for the lab while I was in surgery) using ICSI (IntraCytoplasmic Sperm Injection).

Five days later, we went back into the lab to have two perfect embryos (their words) transferred back into my uterus.  That was quite amazing to watch.  They projected it up on the screen and we could see them floating down the tube into my uterus.  Such a surreal experience and while I wouldn't wish this process on anyone over natural fertilization, I felt very fortunate to be watching what could potentially be the conception of my child.  They even gave us a picture:


When I got home, I laughed and laughed about the fact that the embryo on the right seems to have a "B" on it.  B1'a name starts with a B, if you didn't catch that.  Hysterical.  Isn't that sort of amazing?

After the transfer, we went out to lunch by the ocean and relaxed.  We went to the store to pick up a new garbage can and then went home and rested.  I was back to work the next day and while I was still a little bloated, for the most part I was great.  Anxious, but great.  That was a Wednesday.

On Sunday, I was exhausted. And I was (forgive me) constipated.  And I'm um...pretty regular.  So I thought, "Hmmm...this could be something."  On Monday, those symptoms were worse and I told B1 that I couldn't wait until Friday (which was when our "Beta Test"/blood test was) and that I had to take a home pregnancy test.  On Tuesday night, after B1 got home, I went into the bathroom and emerged 3 minutes later.



It was faint, but it was 100% POSITIVE!  Over the course of the next few days I continued taking home pregnancy tests and the line continued to darken.  We were having a baby.  Or two.  But we didn't want to get our hopes up TOO high until Friday the 13th when I was having my blood drawn for a "real" pregnancy test.  That said, my symptoms continued to grow along with that double line, and I was pretty certain that the result would also be positive.

And it was!  Two more blood tests followed to check to make sure that my hormone levels were rising (they generally double every 24-48 hours in the beginning) and they did.  So an ultrasound was scheduled for 10 days later to make sure that everything was progressing as it should be.

That 10 days was worse than the 10 days we waited to see a positive.  I had to stop reading IVF blogs and Google because my mind was going crazy with the with if's and why's (is that cramping normal?!  Does it mean a miscarriage?!)  But I got through it and B1 and I sat patiently in the room while the ultrasound was being performed.  The tech kept the screen toward her the whole time until she was done.  When she did, we saw the most amazing thing ever:



Yes, there are two.  B1 and I are having twins.  Apparently those embryos apparently really were perfect!  Needless to say, we were (are) shocked and amazed that our first IVF cycle was a success.  And we are beyond excited about the future our "ready made family".

I am currently 7 weeks, 5 days pregnant with twins. Today we saw their little hearts beating.  They've grown so much already since this first ultrasound picture was taken, and we are hopeful that both will continue to develop and grow into full-term babies.

We know we're not out of the woods yet, and that's why only our immediate families know.  If you know me in real life, please feel free to reach out to me PRIVATELY.  PLEASE DO NOT POST ANYTHING ON FACEBOOK OR TELL ANY OF OUR MUTUAL FRIENDS.  We are keeping this close to us until I hit the 13 week mark, in case something happens to one or both of the babies.

So, there you have it.  Twins.  B1 and me are havin' them.  And I feel like it, too.  I've been sick this whole week and haven't eaten much.  In fact, I've lost about 4 pounds so far-which is fairly normal in the first trimester, I'm told.  I am eating when I can, taking my vitamins and drinking plenty of fluids.  And I'm resting as much as I can and learning quickly that I can't do everything I used to without getting extremely tired.  B1 is so wonderful, picking up the slack, doing laundry, filling our water tanks, lifting everything that's heavy...he's the best husband ever and he's going to be the best dad ever too.

We plan on staying on our current boat for as long as we can.  I'll talk more about that as we progress, but we think we can stay with this boat until the babies are around 2 and then we'll have to upgrade.  And, if at any point it's just too hard to do this on the boat, we'll move back to land.  But we really don't think that will happen-and we don't want it to happen-so we're going to make a strong go at making these babies, boat babies.

After all, they already have the shoes for it.