Friday, February 03, 2012

The 3rd Night....

B1's going away to visit friends in NYC this weekend. He'll be gone for two nights. I'm trying to not be sad about this, but I am. Don't get me wrong, I am happy he gets to hang out with his friends and I'm happy he'll be having fun. And I'm not jealous that he'll be having fun without me-I'll be having my own fun here in Boston...it's just that I'll miss him. I miss him already, and he's still just up the street at home. Since moving in together almost 2 years ago, we've only been apart for 2 nights. And those were not 2 consecutive nights. So this is something I'm not used to.

I couldn't sleep very well last night, knowing that he'd be gone tonight and tomorrow night. I don't sleep well when he's not home. When he's working late, I'll go upstairs to bed but won't really be sleeping until I know he's downstairs. It's weird, I know, considering that I lived alone for so many years before I even knew he existed.

But he makes me feel safe. I don't ever feel scared that someone is going to hurt me while I am sleeping when he is there. Do I truthfully think someone will hurt me while he is gone? No. But that fear comes back.

I don't have insomnia much anymore. Do you remember that I used to be up for hours and hours not being able to sleep, even when I should be dropping easily? In culinary school I was dead tired, but couldn't fall asleep until 3 or 4am...now, I can go to bed at 10pm and sleep until the morning. Even when I lived in my last apartment (pre-B1) I used to battle with insomnia. In fact, the reason B1 and I met was because I couldn't sleep the night before so I called in sick and hung out with my friend. (Because I still couldn't sleep!)

So...it seems like B1 has cured me of insomnia and I rest well because I'm safe and I feel safe. So it makes sense that I get anxious when he's gone. Right? Plus, I just really like cuddling up to him in bed, hearing him breathing beside me-even having him hog the bed (which he denies, but it's true!). And also, I just love him. And will miss seeing him when I get home tonight.

That's normal, right?

So what am I doing to keep myself busy, you ask? (You didn't. I know. But I feel like some of you would comment that I should keep myself busy.) Tonight my friend and I are going to dinner and then having drinks before we make our way to an open studio party (?) showing (?)...a group of studios are open for free once a month and we're going. (There!) I've always wanted to go ever since moving to Boston so we're going to check it out. It's in a very cool part of the city (the south end) and I'm happy that I'll be out instead of sitting at home.

Tomorrow night I am hosting a small dinner party...as you know. I thought I had decided what I am going to make, but have switched my thinking once more and so, I'm still on the hunt for a main dish. I do know that I'm making fried artichokes with Gorgonzola dipping sauce and wild mushroom crostini for appetizers. And for dessert I'm making this cake which is a dome and is filled with sweet cream, almonds and hazelnuts. I really feel like making pasta, but I feel like it's not unique-like people eat it all of the time when they go out. Also, it's not really a challenge for me, and I always love to push myself when it comes to cooking. Perhaps tomorrow isn't about that though. Perhaps tomorrow will just be dedicated to making good food for people I love and sitting back and relaxing. Knowing that the next day will be dedicated to B1 being home and watching some football...

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Randomivity


Today I got sad about my family again. I wish someone would reach out and tell me they are sorry they hurt MY feelings. And that they still love me.

While relaxing during my lunch break I thought about how it would feel to be stranded on a desert island with B1. I thought it would be lovely and I'd be so happy that I was with him of all people. And then I thought about how we'd both get sad about the rest of the earth that we weren't touching and the people left on the rest of that earth...and I thought that it's sort of what I feel like now, with my family. I'm on an island.

I've already picked out my wedding band, but haven't purchased it yet. Since we have time, we're waiting until it goes on sale to buy it. It's pretty tedious to watch ads. I kinda just want to buy it now.

Someone at work gave their notice today. I am not surprised and also not very sad. This person is nice, but very up and down and very hard to figure out.

My employee came to work today dressed like a cowgirl minus the boots and the hat. It was odd.

Does anyone have a secret family recipe for jewelry cleaner? Specifically diamonds?

I love Human Planet. Even when (especially when?) they show things like women who breastfeed the monkeys because they feel that they are family.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Slime

I sometimes struggle with friendships. I struggle because I always want everyone to like me and I never want to hurt their feelings so I end up not mentioning things that bother me (mainly because I decide they aren't that important) or I don't tell them when they are being irrational or odd.

One of my best friends here in Boston is the girl I can only take in doses. And I struggle with our relationship quite a bit sometimes because she's sort of...not realistic about a lot of things. And it's hard for me to NOT tell her that she's crazy, but at the same time, I don't always want to tell her she's crazy because I don't want her to feel bad.

But she's often crazy.

She's never had a long term relationship and always talks to the wrong men. When men give her attention, she tends to overlook their horrible, horrible qualities (like the fact that they have a girlfriend or they refuse to commit to her). And I feel badly for her because I know that she is lonely but at the same time, I don't feel like she's doing much to change her ways or to find the right men.

Today, for instance, she sent me an email telling me that someone she dated a few months ago contacted her and asked her to go out to dinner with him. Which sounds lovely until you find out that this guy dated her for a few weeks while he had a girlfriend. And then he wouldn't go away. He'd call her all of the time. She has trouble with confrontation, so it just goes one until he gets bored and moves on. So this man, who she describes as "chivalrous" called her to ask her out to dinner. He moved closer to her (in her town, actually) which sounds lovely until you find out that he's living with his girlfriend. So I ask you, why would she agree to going to dinner with the man?

Today is one of those days I told her flat out what my true feelings are. I told her that no man should be contacting a woman he dated in the past while he still has a girlfriend. There is no reason except for, you know...he wants a little on the side. Which infuriates me. And it infuriates me that she'd even consider going out with him. I told her to think about this guys girlfriend and to try to think about how it would feel to be in her shoes...women like my friend infuriate me because by saying yes to dinner, she's encouraging him. She knows of another woman. And yet, she is still meeting him.

I'm sad for her, that she can't see this and angry at her for going to dinner with a man who is involved with someone else.

And let me you that my friend and this man were not friends. They weren't so strongly connected that they felt the needs to remain friends after they stopped dating. They are just two people who met on the internet and dated for a little while. There is no reason why he'd call her out of the blue like this unless he wants something. And in the meantime, he'll be breaking his girlfriends heart.

I guess it makes me so angry because I've been cheated on. Like, 4 times. And in at least two of those cases, I know that the other woman knew about me. So I know I'm a little bias and I know that my passionate response to this is based on my past. But I think that even if it weren't, I'd be pissed. Because she's degrading herself and encouraging him. And as B1's Nonnie would say, "That's my idea of nothin'".

What do you think?

Dinner Party

This weekend B1 is going away to visit some of his college friends in New York city so I'll be left alone. We've only been apart from each other for one or two nights since moving in with each other, so it's going to be a little odd knowing I won't see him at night. I often don't sleep well when he's not in bed with me. When he told me he was going away, I immediately thought about what I could do to get myself out of the house. A friend of mine and I will be going out on the town like we did in the old days (read: before I met B1) in the hopes that she'll find her own B1.

One night down.

And then I thought about what I could do to get people inside of my house. And of course, to me, this means dinner party! Sadly, it won't be nearly as big as the ones I've hosted in the past (read the last post which mentions my diminished number of friends) BUT my two best friends in Boston will be attending and one will bring his new-ish girlfriend. So I get to cook for people. And my house will be less empty for a few hours.

I'm trying to figure out what to make. I can't make seafood because the girlfriend is not a fan...which is OK. There are plenty of other options and being winter and all, I feel that seafood isn't the right choice anyway. So far I've thought of:

Osso Bucco with whipped potatoes and some sort of green veg. For dessert I think I'd make something chocolate.

Cuban inspired pork roast with dirty rice and beans with sweet plantains. For dessert I'd make a mango sorbet. And I would make mojito's for sure.

Some sort of simple Italian pasta-maybe with roasted tomatoes, greens and white beans. I'd have to then make a garlic crostini for sure and for dessert maybe a cheesecake. Or a semifreddo.

The other thing I thought about was my mini-beef wellingtons. I haven't made them in ages and they are always a huge hit. And since there are only 4 of us, it'll be easier to make in terms of budget...

I just don't know. This is the problem with me having a dinner party. I can't ever choose what I want to make because I have so many ideas. Right now, I think I'm leaning towards the Cuban roast or the rustic Italian theme...but I have a couple of days to think about this. I'm sure it'll change.

What do you think?

Monday, January 30, 2012

Horizons

When I first moved to Boston I made a point of getting out there, doing new things and going out of my way to meet new people. And it was great. I had so many friends-more friends than I've ever had in my life-and could have been considered a social butterfly. It was wonderful. And then, slowly, Boston became home. And that is wonderful, too. But what that means is I'm caught up in the everyday life...I started hanging out with a smaller group of friends and started going to the same places (because I love them though, which is just fine with me!). I still try to go to new places every time we dine out but exploring Boston has sort of dropped off of my agenda.

Also, I've recently noticed that I miss having more than a few people to call when I want to go out to do things.

Part of the problem is that my best friend here in Boston is the type of person who you can only take in doses. I talk to her everyday via email, but if I hang out with her for more than a couple of days in a row, I feel as though I need a break. She's not happy with her life and while I try to keep my happiness wrapped up, it's kind of obvious that I love my life. I mean, I found and am marrying the greatest man I've ever met and he loves me more than I could ever have thought possible. I really enjoy my job and recently got a promotion and I'm planning a wedding and an really cool future. So sometimes, she kind of brings me down. But it's not because she's unhappy with her life, it's because she doesn't do anything to fix it. In fact, she kind of sabotages it.

Which is too bad because she's a fun girl.

As you can probably guess, I've been feeling like I need to expand my horizons again. I've started looking for events to attend and social groups to join, much like those I joined when I moved here. I've also reached out to a few of the old friends I lost touch with in hopes of getting back in touch. And as luck would have it, a couple of weeks ago one of those friends invited me to a party. Where I wouldn't know anyone but her.

Of course I was nervous. I always get nervous in those situations, worrying that it'll be awkward and no one will talk to me and I'll be left out. Which, I know, is kind of an odd fear considering that the last few years have shown me that I'm a pretty likable kid and that most of the time, I'm in the center of the party, making people laugh. And I've also learned that when in doubt, I should tell people I'm planning a wedding. People LOVE to talk about that.

The party itself was sure to be a fun night as it was a martini and tarot card party in Salem, MA. She brought in a reader for each of us to have 15 minute private readings, which was totally cool. Perhaps I'll write a separate post on that later. (It was awesome!) Most of the people there knew each other already but somehow, I just stepped right in and joined them. I haven't laughed that hard with someone other than B1 in a really long time. And I stayed out longer than I've been out in a long time too...and without B1. Which I normally don't do-not because he won't let me or I don't want to, just that we really enjoy spending time together and most of our friends invite both of us to things.

And the best part is that after I left, the hostess wrote to me and told me how great it was to see me again and that everyone really enjoyed meeting me. And one of the guests "friended" me on Facebook! AND I've been invited to visit again for a night on the town with her friends.

Which is exactly what my goal was...so yay! My horizon's are broadening as we speak...