Thursday, May 24, 2012

What Dreams May Come. And Crafts.

I've been having nightmares about the wedding every night for the last two weeks or so.  These aren't nightmares that exhibit cold feet or nerves about ME marrying B1 but rather him marrying me.  In most of the dreams, he's figured out that he doesn't want to marry me so he leaves and marries someone else.  In some dreams, we're getting married but there is a mix up and we end up accidentally marrying the wrong people.

I often wake myself up by my whimpering and I feel sad and lonely.  B1's laying next to me peacefully sleeping, so I just kiss him softly on his shoulder and thank God that it was only a dream.  But in the back of my head, I say, "Please don't ever leave me."

I have nothing to worry about.  I know this in my awake state.  But deep down, I'm obviously worried about losing him.  At some point, I have to believe, I'll get over the being left syndrome and just be secure.  Right?

In last nights dream I was preparing for my wedding...getting my dress settled, figuring out my hair-just like I am in real life.  My fiance and I decided to buy a house, and I was to meet him at the place in question so we could look at it.  When I heard that it was a condo, I started to panic.  B1 hates condos and would never buy one.  I thought it was odd, but went with it because maybe this one overlooked the ocean or something...but when I arrived, I saw that it was not B1-it was someone else.  Someone I haven't ever met in real life.

I knew he wasn't the person I wanted to marry.  So I played along until I was alone and I searched and searched for my B1.  When I saw him, my heart swelled and I knew.  But he was with someone else too.  So I had to convince him that we should marry each other and ditch the people we were with.

I woke up before I found out whether or not he picked me.  Which goes along with the theme of these dreams, I suppose.  But I remember feeling worried that I'd end up without him.

Maybe these dreams are stemming from the fact that we're coming down to crunch time and I want everything to be perfect.  If I pair that with the fear of losing the bestest man ever, they make sense.  I just wish that my dreams would go to the happy place instead-because in real life, I'm happy and excited.  And I KNOW B1 is too.  I know this because he tells me all of the time.  So I dunno-I guess it's just my subconscious working itself out.  What do you think?

In happy/fun wedding planning news, I just purchased the return address labels for the invitations.  They have a special logo with our last name on them that a friend made for us.  It's pretty cool-has an anchor and a ships wheel combined.  I wish I could should you, but I don't want to broadcast our last name.

I also finished one major section of our invitations and am working on the smaller details now.  Soon it'll be ready to print the inserts and address the envelopes.  I have a lot of knots to tie first though.  Did I show you the finished product?

That's the knot we're tying at our ceremony instead of a sand pouring or candle lighting.  The coloring is off here, but it's navy and coral, which are our colors.

Oh!  I found two lobster buoys too!  Finally.  I have been obsessed with finding two authentic wooden lobster buoys that aren't huge.  Sadly I can't afford authentic ones, but I found a REALLY good knockoff on Etsy.  She's even going to custom paint them for me.  One will be navy with a coral and a white stripe and the other will be coral with a navy and a white strips.  I'm going to hang them from our chairs at the sweetheart table.  I am thinking of stenciling "bride" and "groom" on them.  But I don't want to be overly cheesy, so we'll see.

Down to the fun details now-lots of craft projects going on...gotta get them finished soon so that I don't have to waste pretty weather inside!

2 comments:

Travis Cody said...

You know, I wonder if it's less a matter of "getting over" the feeling of being left. I wonder if it's more about realizing that this is a deep seated piece of your psyche.

It's a defense mechanism that you might always have. But this entire post shouts that you don't need to use it. That's a good thing.

Ivanhoe said...

It's hard to trust somebody completely again and getting your confidence back after being hurt. It's seeded deep in your conscience. Thank goodness it's just dreams! You will be just fine, bride :)

Love all the prep and colors!