Tuesday, January 31, 2012


I sometimes struggle with friendships. I struggle because I always want everyone to like me and I never want to hurt their feelings so I end up not mentioning things that bother me (mainly because I decide they aren't that important) or I don't tell them when they are being irrational or odd.

One of my best friends here in Boston is the girl I can only take in doses. And I struggle with our relationship quite a bit sometimes because she's sort of...not realistic about a lot of things. And it's hard for me to NOT tell her that she's crazy, but at the same time, I don't always want to tell her she's crazy because I don't want her to feel bad.

But she's often crazy.

She's never had a long term relationship and always talks to the wrong men. When men give her attention, she tends to overlook their horrible, horrible qualities (like the fact that they have a girlfriend or they refuse to commit to her). And I feel badly for her because I know that she is lonely but at the same time, I don't feel like she's doing much to change her ways or to find the right men.

Today, for instance, she sent me an email telling me that someone she dated a few months ago contacted her and asked her to go out to dinner with him. Which sounds lovely until you find out that this guy dated her for a few weeks while he had a girlfriend. And then he wouldn't go away. He'd call her all of the time. She has trouble with confrontation, so it just goes one until he gets bored and moves on. So this man, who she describes as "chivalrous" called her to ask her out to dinner. He moved closer to her (in her town, actually) which sounds lovely until you find out that he's living with his girlfriend. So I ask you, why would she agree to going to dinner with the man?

Today is one of those days I told her flat out what my true feelings are. I told her that no man should be contacting a woman he dated in the past while he still has a girlfriend. There is no reason except for, you know...he wants a little on the side. Which infuriates me. And it infuriates me that she'd even consider going out with him. I told her to think about this guys girlfriend and to try to think about how it would feel to be in her shoes...women like my friend infuriate me because by saying yes to dinner, she's encouraging him. She knows of another woman. And yet, she is still meeting him.

I'm sad for her, that she can't see this and angry at her for going to dinner with a man who is involved with someone else.

And let me you that my friend and this man were not friends. They weren't so strongly connected that they felt the needs to remain friends after they stopped dating. They are just two people who met on the internet and dated for a little while. There is no reason why he'd call her out of the blue like this unless he wants something. And in the meantime, he'll be breaking his girlfriends heart.

I guess it makes me so angry because I've been cheated on. Like, 4 times. And in at least two of those cases, I know that the other woman knew about me. So I know I'm a little bias and I know that my passionate response to this is based on my past. But I think that even if it weren't, I'd be pissed. Because she's degrading herself and encouraging him. And as B1's Nonnie would say, "That's my idea of nothin'".

What do you think?


Kat said...

Your friend's behavior would irritate the hell out of me and I'm glad you didn't hold back and told her what you're feeling. No woman should meet up with an old flame that has a girlfriend and calls her "out of the blue". There's just no things like "out of the blue" between men and women who share a history.

Mags said...

I know, right? Unless of course he called and said that he and his girlfriend were starting a company and they would like to hire her to do their graphic design (her trade) and they'd BOTH like to have dinner...no. Not a good idea.

I can't wait to hear the stories tomorrow...

LceeL said...

Anais Nin (one of my favorite women in the whole world) once said, "We don't see things as THEY are, we see things as WE are."

katherine. said...

One of my little things to live by goes:

I don't slow dance with strangers.

I don't sleep with my friends.

And I don't play with things that belong to other women.

Travis Cody said...

If I was exclusive with one women - and living with a woman is pretty dang exclusive in my mind - there's no way I would ever date another woman. I'd have dinner with a friend, but that doesn't sound like what this guy is proposing at all.