Improvements: Part 1

Who do I want to be? What do I want to do?

I don't know. Is there something wrong with me?

I know I want to be a good person-to be seen as kind, loving, generous and loyal.

I know I want to be trustworthy and dependable.

I know that I want to grow my relationships with family and friends and more specifically, grow closer with B1.

What do I want to learn? Where do I want to go? I feel like my answer is "everything and everywhere" but I don't know how or where to start.

Academic classes don't interest me. I could take them for free yet I find nothing that tugs my interests. I want to do something creative but don't want to feel frivolous.

I want to be more active and to do more adventurous things. I want to cook and plan and serve and laugh. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.

I feel like I should be DOING something. Do any of you ever feel this way? Do you feel like you're just going through life without making a difference or making a splash? Do you feel lethargic and lazy when you are not actively improving yourself?

What's Cookin'? Garlic Spaghetti

At the beginning of the year I bought a Cooking Light cookbook in an attempt to make healthier meals for B1 and I. We're both trying to watch what we eat and I am trying to lose a significant amount of weight. I've started making weekly menus which detail what I'm going to eat in addition to how many calories I'll be eating each day. It's tiring, but my hope is that we'll find a few favorites that I can rotate in and out each month and that soon they will become part of my recipe collection.

So far, we've liked a few of the recipes, but mostly I find that I have to add things to make them more flavorful. I'll keep plugging along in the hopes that I'll find more shining stars like this one, Garlic Spaghetti with Beans and Greens. It's very simple to make and is quite tasty. I'm not making a habit of eating pasta (carbs do me in!) but every now and then you just need a big bowl of comfort and this certainly fits the bill. (3 tablespoons of garlic with cheese and lemon? Sign me up!)

The original recipe actually calls for only 2 tablespoons of garlic and arugula instead of spinach. I don't care for arugula much so I substituted, but I'm sure that if you like it, the arugula would be quite nice in here. Serve it up with a glass of white wine, and enjoy!

Ingredients:
8 oz Spaghetti
3/4 t. Salt
3 T. Olive Oil
3 T. Garlic, minced
1 t. Crushed Red Pepper Flakes
2 C. Grape Tomatoes, halved
16 oz Can Cannellini Beans, Rinsed & Drained
5 oz Spinach Leaves
2 T. Lemon Juice
1/2 C. Grated Parmesan Cheese

Method:
1. Cook pasta according to directions. Reserve 1/2 C. Pasta water when draining pasta.
2. Return pan to medium heat. Add oil, garlic and red pepper. Cook 2 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add beans, tomatoes and salt. Cook 2 minutes.
3. Stir in pasta. Add pasta water and spinach. Mix to wilt.
4. Add cheese and lemon juice. Stir to combine. Season to taste.

Calories: 290
Fat: 10.5 g
Carbs: 38.3

Out of the Closet

When my B1 comes up to me with his hands behind his back and a certain smile on his face, I worry. It's not so much that his hands are behind his back-it's more about the sly smile that's plastered on his cute face that does it. He's had ice in his hands before and it's ended up down my shirt during what seemed like a loving hug-until the shards of ice rained down on me.

So naturally, I am suspicious when he approaches in such a manner that could mean more ice. The other day while doing dishes, B1 approached me and yes, his hand was behind his back and he was wearing his mischievous smile. Quickly, I jumped back and asked him what he was doing and what he had behind his back.

He pretended to wonder why I would react in such a way but then gave in when I reminded him of the ice incident. "Fair point", he said. And then he showed me this:


He's kind of a dork.

One of the first times I visited B1 at his apartment before we were living together he'd go into his closet and come out with a crazy sweater, or a hat or...a different hat. When Rye Bread was visiting us, a pair of cat-eye glasses (with rhinestones!) materialized. One just never knows what B1 will come up with from his closet so this weird googly eyed hand puppet thing didn't surprise me. But it did delight me.

He kinda makes life more fun.

Ghetto

I forgot to sew my coat after my fall but needed to wear it today because it was snowing. I don't advise walking through Whole Foods with a coat mended (kind of) with duct tape.

Back 2 Life

I am back to work! I worried that we'd have a snow day today because even though they said we are only supposed to get "little to no accumulation" (How does that help me?) we seem to be getting much more. When I left we had at least an inch, and it's been snowing ever since...If we get sent home early I am working from home. I have too much to do!

My back is...better but still sore. This is probably due to the fact that last night B1 and I put together my new dresser and we also did laundry. I know I have to take it easy, but that is hard for me to do...I can't sit around for much longer. In fact, I have to start moving-I do NOT want to end up gaining weight back after I lost so much. And I will gain it back if I continue sitting around doing nothing. I won't go to the gym this week, but I WILL go next week no matter what. If I'm not feeling much better by then, I'll just go to walk on the treadmill for a bit to at least get moving. I have to continue on my weight loss journey. I can't go back up. I just can't...

I'm sort of antsy today-I have so much to do and this one person keeps asking me for things. What they are asking for is last minute stuff that should have been taken care of last week so it's kind of making me a little angry. Oh well...at least I'm not at home. :)

Randomivity

I'm feeling really cooped up. With the exception of 1/2 day on Friday, I've been out of work and because I can't really DO anything without hurting my back again, I'm stuck just sitting around waiting. I've been reading a lot, but when it's the only thing you can do, it becomes less fun. There's nothing on TV. B1 has been kind of cooped up too, so when he is home, we kind of do our own thing. I guess I feel kind of lonely.

I've been searching for a new dresser for months. There was one that I wanted from IKEA but it's kind of expensive and I never seem to have the money for it. My current dresser is also from IKEA and it's falling apart. I hate it. So the other day I went to IKEA and bought a mid-level dresser. It's not the one I wanted, but I'll add some drawer pulls it will make it look nicer until I can get a big girl dresser. I had 2 nice IKEA workers help me in the store to get it into my car.

I got a new camera for Christmas and I love it. But it's big. And I find that it's hard to carry with me. I'm worried it will get damaged without its case so I want to find a "skin" of some sort to put over it so that I can carry it with me more often.

We went out on Saturday night to a local pub to listen to some music. It was fun, but by the end of the night, I was in pain from standing for too long. Still, it was good to get out of the house to do something fun, if only for a few hours.

I sometimes feel like I'm living in someone else's shadow. And it's not a good feeling. In fact, it kind of breaks my heart.

My friends Robin and Adam are coming to visit on Saturday. I'm pretty excited about that!