Friday, February 18, 2011

How?

How do you get past your past? How do you suppress feelings of insecurity and memories of being betrayed? How do you NOT make the person you love feel horrible when it looks like you don't trust them...when in fact you do?

I'm struggling with this. I need help figuring out how I can let go of past relationships; the ones that hurt the most. Those relationships that ended because he went away and came back with someone else. The one where he tried to mold me into someone else...his ex-girlfriend. Or the one that ended because I wasn't worthy enough of his love. These relationships are so ingrained in me that I don't even actively think about them-I act.

I react. I don't rationalize the fact that B1 is not them. Though I know this. I know in my heart that he is trustworthy, that he loves me very much and that he will come home-to me. And not have someone else on the side. I know these things and yet doubt creeps in when he tells me he's going away or doing something out of the ordinary.

I have to do better. He deserves better-he deserves to feel the trust I have for him, not just to hear the words I say. The question is-how do I do this in the heat of the moment? How do I suppress what naturally bubbles up first?

7 comments:

LceeL said...

What you do is let him see this post. let him understand you just that much better.

Let him in.

He loves you.

He will help you.

Mags said...

He knows these things, my stories. He also has said he understands where it's coming from, but it doesn't make it any easier for him...I have to make it easier for him.

"Lois Grebowski" said...

I don't know what to say, but can I offer a hug to you both?

flipper said...

i got the sameeee problem sis

Rocketstar said...

Day by day Mags. It's a journey not a sprint. Time heals all wounds, eventually.

Travis Cody said...

I think help is best when it is professionally done. Therapy is a good thing. It helps us learn that we don't have to suppress. Suppression isn't resolving.

Don't suppress. Find a good therapist who can help you address your issues and learn to disassociate them from B1.

And please don't beat yourself up and think you aren't good enough. You have wounds. They won't heal if you don't treat them.

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

Stay storing...follow the excellent advice above and remember...that is the past. HE IS YOUR FUTURE