Friday, January 21, 2011

Improvements: Part 1

Who do I want to be? What do I want to do?

I don't know. Is there something wrong with me?

I know I want to be a good person-to be seen as kind, loving, generous and loyal.

I know I want to be trustworthy and dependable.

I know that I want to grow my relationships with family and friends and more specifically, grow closer with B1.

What do I want to learn? Where do I want to go? I feel like my answer is "everything and everywhere" but I don't know how or where to start.

Academic classes don't interest me. I could take them for free yet I find nothing that tugs my interests. I want to do something creative but don't want to feel frivolous.

I want to be more active and to do more adventurous things. I want to cook and plan and serve and laugh. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.

I feel like I should be DOING something. Do any of you ever feel this way? Do you feel like you're just going through life without making a difference or making a splash? Do you feel lethargic and lazy when you are not actively improving yourself?


"Lois Grebowski" said...

Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm right there with you right now.

Is there a way you can get back to the personal chef business?

If you had all the money and no job, what would you do? Is there a way you can do that thing now?

Lemme know what you find out. And pass some of the gumption on to me.


Lisa said...

My answer is going to sound completely out of left field. But hear me through because I am not saying you have to do it RIGHT now.

The answer is... children!

I felt the same, living daily, working daily, giving nothing back, leaving nothing of myself for the rest of the world to learn from enjoy. I felt unknown.

After having Megan, and seeing myself in her. Seeing the love she exudes, and the love surrounding her from family and friends. It became perfectly clear, my goal, my destiny in life was to be a mother.

Continue your relationship with B1, if its in your destiny, have faith and be patient. God has a plan, we just can't always see it. Keep making the best decisions for you, follow your heart and you will follow His plan.

LceeL said...

One of my favorite quotes: "Human beings are happiest when they are productive and creative."

Find your Art.

And yes, having kids is an answer, as well. But that involves decisions by TWO people, normally. And what you're going through is a "Me" thing - not an "Us" thing.

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...


I want to be doing something other than I am doing now, but circumstances will not allow me and that can be depressing at times

flipper said...

yes all the time.
ya i guess we are a lot alike huh?

Clancypants said...

"Do you feel lethargic and lazy when you are not actively improving yourself?"

Sometimes. I've found that there are seasons to the self-improvement. Cycles. I used to beat myself up inside if I wasn't doing SOMETHING to grow and change all the time. But then I realized that I have times of dormancy and laying fallow and that those are a part of growth. When the dormant season is over, I come back stronger when the growth is on again. I am revived, refreshed and recharged for whatever the next phase of growth looks like.

Good luck with whatever phase you're in. ♥