Thursday, February 04, 2010

It's Been 6 Months Since You Looked At Me

I woke up this morning and for some reason thought, "It's been about 6 months since I've seen his face."  How can that be?  How can time have gone so quickly?  How can life have moved out from under my feet just like "that: and how can someone I thought I'd know for my entire life just vanish?

That's 6 months of wondering how this happened, why this happened and if he ever thinks of me.  6 months of trying to figure out how someone I trusted so explicitly could have hurt me so deeply.  6 months of sorting out how a friend could hurt me so deeply and not have a sincere apology ready for me when I told him my feelings and why I was not worth more than a 2 or 3 line email saying he wasn't going to write anything back.  And mostly, it's been 6 months of missing a friend who meant the world to me-a friend who I often described as the most supportive person in my life-and wondering if that too, was not real.

It's clear that I've been doing better and that I no longer cry for no reason.  He's no longer on my mind hourly and he's not the first thing I think of when I wake up.  But he's there-or rather, not there-in my life and there's a huge hole where he once sat.  I've recently found myself wondering if our paths will ever cross again and if they do, will he still know me.  Will I know him?  And most of all, do I want to?

6 months have slipped by.  There are still so many unanswered questions but at least they don't nag me 24 hours a day anymore.  Maybe in another 6 months, I won't even need to write a post like this.

8 comments:

flipper said...

Think of all you have done in that six months. You got an amazing job that you love. You got a cool new car. You got a beautiful new home. You took a fun, spontaneous trip and you look beautiful! Keep those pretty green eyes of yours facing up towards the world.

LceeL said...

Yeah, what Flipper said. And you have more people around you now - who care about you and what happens to you. Some of us may be at a distance - but doesn't the Internet kind of move us right next door?

Mags said...

Lash: How'd you get so smart? <3

Lou: Thanks! And it does, kind of...neat, huh?

CrAzY Working Mom said...

...six months have slipped by and you are reclaiming your life. :) In another six months think of all you'll have done. Keep smilin' and keep your chin up!

Linda said...

Or in another six months you'll be writing a post saying "Wow! I can't believe I never thought I was going to get over that clown but I have, I have!"

Hang in there - you are doing marvelously; I'm sure the next 6 months will bring nothing but strides forward for you. Big ones.

"Lois Grebowski" said...

:-)

Travis said...

It's also six months since you're good and rid of the jerk.

SilverNeurotic said...

I think you'll still think of him for awhile, at least until someone else comes along and takes that special place in your heart. Then, you'll still remember him but it'll just be a brief memory and not a memory that ends up consuming you when your not on guard.