1994

Friday was my 15 year high school reunion. I did not attend. Looking at the pictures that are floating around Facebook today I had mixed feelings. Part of me is sad that I didn't want to go and the other part of me looked at my former classmates and remembered how easy it was for me to walk away from them back in 1994.

High school wasn't horrible, but I never really felt like I had one place where I fit in 100%. My boyfriend lived in MA and we were very close. During my freshman year, I bonded with the juniors and seniors probably because of drama club. In retrospect, this was a huge mistake. Once they graduated I was sort of left floating along on my own. The friends I had no longer interested me and I was sick of the "I'm better than you" attitude most of them had. Still, there are a few people that I adored and it would have been nice to see them.

I've mentioned before that I never really thought of myself as popular. Years after graduation I found out that many of the kids in my class thought I was awesome and would have liked to be a closer friend to me but they thought that I wanted nothing to do with them. It's funny that it was seen that way-I simply was insecure and didn't really know how to fit it because I didn't drink or do drugs. And also, I was still stuck in the throws of my father's addiction which always closed me off to people.

The saddest part to me is that I know the real reason I didn't go. It's because I feel like a failure in so many aspects of my life. I was one of the first to marry and also get divorced. I have no children, I'm double the size I was in high school, have no job...I guess I just feel like I don't have much to offer or to talk about. So much has happened to me in the past 15 years, it's hard to just strike up a conversation with people who used to know me without giving at least some of the background. Sometimes it just takes too much energy.

And so, I sit looking at the pictures of my classmates: The slut who once ate a donut off of a man's penis, the trendy bitch who got pregnant by a black boy (we were not at all a diverse group), my old best friend who befriended the trendy bitch and stopped talking to me, the girls I used to hang out with, the geeks, the privileged, the bad boys...and I wonder what they are doing now and if any of them asked my cousin about me. My guess is no. But still, I wonder.

It's always nice to know that people think about you. Even 15 years later.

Sunshine!

It seems like years since we've had sun here in Boston...but today it's clear and sunny and will be in the low 70's-which is perfect in my opinion. Yay for sunshine!!

I'm lucky enough to have been invited to a picnic at a friends house today so I'm off to shower and clean up before it's time to have some fun in the sun.

Yay for sunshine!! I hope you get some time outside today too. :)

Not So Awe-Summm!!!

About a gazillion years ago Melisa from Suburban Scrawl awarded me the Queen of Alll Things Awe-Summm!!! Award. Though I recognize that my lack of blogging and blog visiting lately and that I waited almost a month to post this really should negate this award, I'm gonna take it anyway!

I wanna be Awe-Summm! And now I've got the badge to prove that at least one person thinks I am. :) Thanks Melisa! You're pretty Awe-Summm yourself!

The catch of this award is that I have to post 7 things that you do not know about me. That's going to be tough because I've had this blog for a long time now, and many of you have read along for years. And I'm not one to really hide stuff about myself. So...let me see how many I can get.

1. My favorite pizza topping is black olives. I thought this was well known, but several of my closest friends/family members got that question wrong on my "How well do you know me?" quiz on Facebook. So I figure not many of you know either! HOWEVER, I think this is really starting to be taken over by cheese pizza topped with FRESH basil. OMG. It's heavenly.

2. I played Rizzo in my high school's production of Grease. I made my papa cry because he was so proud of me.

3. I sleep on the left side of the bed. It has to be very dark in the room or else it's hard for me to get to sleep.

4. I really like blueberry iced coffee, light with sugar from Duncan Donuts, but other than that, I'm starting to like Starbucks better. I never thought I'd say that, but it's true.

5. I don't own a black bra. It got lost in the mail. (See how obscure I've got to be??)

6. If I owned binoculars I would probably get in trouble for being a peeping Tom. Not because I want to see any hanky panky, but because I love watching people in their natural state when they aren't acting. It fascinates me.

7. When I look at the time I always say "Happy Birthday XXX" when their birthday's come up. 7:20, "Happy Birthday Lashetta", 12:14, "Happy Birthday Mom!" Weird.

So...there you go. Did I surprise anyone with anything new?

Rambly Ramble

She hugged him extra long tonight. I didn't want to look, but I was standing at the end of the hall; they were directly in front of me. When The Dad walked into the house The Mom went right over to him and hugged him extra long.

Sometimes I can tell she is sad.

The Dad travels a lot-this is the main reason I was hired, to help her out when she is alone. Working a full time job, coming home to two younger children and then going to bed alone must be tough, especially when you've got someone but they're just absent. I really feel bad for her.

I know that he's home more than he's not. But he's gone during the week-when the girls have things going on and The Mom is busy and tired from work. I am not sure I could handle it as good as she does.

I'm not stranger to sleeping alone. Which is why when I saw her hug him for so long tonight, I almost started crying. I know how good a hug feels after your arms have been empty for a while.

This week I made Tuscan Lemon Chicken with Herbed Polenta, Mongolian Beef w/ Sticky Rice and Shrimp Fra Diavolo with Garlic Bread. For dessert I made a Creamy Strawberry pie, which went over really well. Silence is always a good sign when you feed people, and that's just what I had.

I'm still quietly working on a cookbook. It won't be a "real" cookbook that's publicly published, but I found a program that helps with the layout and I think I can have them printed as orders come in. I know a few of you expressed interest in it in the past, and I thought that this is as good a time as any to work it out. So far the only things I know that will be in there are the Pear & Blue Cheese canapes, my Ricotta Gnocchi and the Shrimp Fra Diavolo. Oh, the Chicken Enchilada's will be in there too. Those are always a crowd pleaser!

Tonight the Sox are playing the Yankees again and being that it's a Thursday (a normally busy bar day) and that the bar next to my apartment actually advertised on NESN during last nights game, parking was hell when I got home at 7:30. To make matters worse, the bar a couple of blocks down had a band playing and one of the back streets has construction going on, limiting a whole section of the road for spaces. By the end of the 50 minutes (the amount of time it took me to find a spot) I was almost in tears. Not only was I frustrated that the people taking up the spaces were just drunk people loitering in bars, but one yuppie asshole and his girlfriend actually stole a spot from me. They drove right up past me (with my blinker on) and pulled into the spot I was waiting for. I honked a few time and gestured (with my whole hand, not just one finger) but they didn't care. They parked, looked at me and laughed and then walked away.

If you're reading this you yuppie bastard, you should be nervous. Karma's a bitch, and you just stepped in a whole lotta Karma shit. Plus I said a little prayer that you never find a parking spot again. Ha!

In other news (and my last ramble) I got a phone call from an actual company today for a phone interview. I missed the call because I was in the shower but I plan on calling her tomorrow. The job sounds pretty straight forward and I know that I could easily do it. The benefits sound good too, and it seems like I'd be able to take the T, which is a huge bonus. Hopefully it'll be the job I've been waiting for. But I won't get my hopes up-I haven't even talked to her!

Here's hopin'!

Toosdae ?'s

Today I'm having flashbacks from December when I was first laid off. The weather outside was so cold and snowy that I couldn't go outside to pass the time, and therefore I was so bored and lonely. Though it's not snowy today, it IS cold and rainy, and it's supposed to be like this all week! Hopefully the weather people are wrong. (Doesn't it always seem like they're wrong when it comes to sun but never with rain?)

1. Can you skip a stone on the water? How many hops do you think you can get?

2. Build me your ideal taco. You can have anything in the world on it.

3. What is your favorite footwear for the summer? Flip flops? Sandals? Barefoot? Or....


1. I haven't tried it in years, but I used to be able to skip a stone on the lake. I think the most I ever counted was 5 but more often it was 4. I guess I'm not very good at it!!

2. My ideal taco ironically isn't authentic. I'd have a crunchy corn taco shell with cheddar cheese on the bottom then the hot marinated steak. I'd top that with sour cream, onions and lettuce. Sometimes some beans too. Black is my preference. Yum!

3. I used to never wear flip flops but over the last 5 or 6 years now they've been my summer shoe of choice. I do have some pretty sandals that I wear every now and then but for everyday wear, it's flip flops.

DDR

Yesterday was Rye Bread's dance recital. This year she was in 2 routines which was nice. The first (She's the one in the middle) was to Mony Mony...

And the 2nd (she's the one in the front shakin' her little booty while everyone else is being boring) was to Sweet Home Alabama. Both routines were hip hop.

This is after everything was over-3 hours later! I'm not sure what's up with her weird smile, but I love the picture anyway.

Overall the recital was good. It's always amusing watching the little ones all dressed up and waving to the music. The older kids are great too and this year we there were 4 girls who were really great. The downfall of this recital was the fact that this school has a "theater" class and this year they added a little "play" as well as 2 or 3 really, REALLY horrible "musical" sections. None of the girls can sing so as you can imagine, it was painful.

Very, very painful. But my Rye Bread was adorable and that made it worth it.