Saturday, May 16, 2009

What Dreams May Come

It was a weird dream to begin with. My Aunt Sue was a teenager who was trying to prove that she could play Atari well. Somehow, proving this meant she had to break into a house (and enter through the roof). Once inside, she and a friend (who is actually a girl I went to high school with) started dancing and doing gymnastics. We could see her because the house was built like a doll house-with one open side.

But then my Nana, Mom and I were standing near a wall (which incidentally was freestanding and not near anything else). On this wall hung two unframed birth certificates-one was my Great Nana's and the other my Nana's. My Nana commented that when she dies, she wants to frame them together. (To which I replied sarcastically, "Don't you think my Mom would have to do that, considering you'd be gone?")

Before she could answer back my Papa (who in real life has been gone for 10 years) said to my Nana, "Margie-cut it out! You're not ready to die yet!"

When I woke up from the dream I sat up in bed and checked the time. Seeing that I had a missed text message I flipped open the phone to read it. Imagine my surprise (and awe) when I read the message, "Nana is in the hospital."

Now, I know some of you do not believe in an afterlife or in spirits and ghosts. But I can tell you without a doubt that I have, on several occasions, felt my Papa's presence in my life since his passing. It's something that I can not explain nor do I feel like I have to. It simply is just something I feel and believe and in turn it gives me great comfort to know that though I can not hug him or hear his wonderful laughter, he is here.

My Nana is not sick. For the most part she has lived a very healthy life. I just saw her last week on Mother's Day and she was perfectly fine. My point is that there is no reason whatsoever why I would dream that she was going to die or speaking of her death. Up until today, I had no worries that she would be leaving us soon.

Sure, some may say that it's a coincidence or just a freakishly eerie dream. But that's not what I believe. I believe that my Papa is looking over us all and for some reason-perhaps because I am so open to it-he came to me in a dream. When I learned that she was in fact in the hospital, I asked both God and my Papa to bless my Nana and to keep her here with us a while longer. I felt calm and hopeful. That's not normally how I feel when someone I love is in the hospital.

She's doing fine now and will remain in the hospital for a couple of days for observation. I suspect it's because of her age. I don't know for sure if she'll make it through whatever it is she's battling now or how long she'll be with us here. But I can tell you that last night when she was being rushed to ICU my Papa was there holding her hand telling her she's not ready to leave us.

Thank you, Papa. You're the best.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Isn't it Amazing?

Isn't it amazing how friends and uncontrollable laughter can make things seem so much better? Feeling sad and lonely just flies out of the window when you're surrounded by people who make you smile.

I may have lost my job in December, but I gained so many wonderful friends in those short 6 months I worked there.

Tonight was a gift and, as always, they won't ever know just how much they lifted me up tonight. (I did thank them, but I don't think people realize how much I appreciate them when I say things like that.)

I am happily full of beer, pizza, "we miss you's" and laughter. Oh, and hugs. I love hugs.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Book Wars

"The Dad" as I will call him (because I don't want to make up a name for him) was home this week. I like him very much-he's a nice guy but...he gets in my way in the kitchen. It's like he finds something-anything-to do just at the precise moment I need to open a drawer or cut an onion. He's constantly saying, "Let's let Mags do her thing-let's leave the kitchen." and then he'll come back in. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I do not like sharing a kitchen-especially when I have a deadline (like cooking dinner for 5 in 1 hour!).

I also think he feels embarrassed a little bit about having someone cook for them. Which is nice, except that every time he asks me to do something (like getting him water) he says something like, "And to add to my gluttony..." I don't think he gets it yet that I like being able to make them comfortable and that I like working when I am working.

Another interesting thing about him is that I think he is slightly jealous of how much his older daughter likes me. When he is home, I don't read to her because he is there to do it and this should be so. But yesterday she came up to me while I was cooking and asked if I could read her one book before I went home. The book she chose happened to be a brand new book that her Popop gave her that very day-the book that The Dad was going to read to her. When he found out, he said, "Hey! I thought I was going to read that to you!" He said it in a joking tone, but I got the feeling he was a little hurt by it.

Then last night even before dinner was over she asked again if I could read her a book before I went home. I said yes, but that it had to be a short book because I had to be home. She tried to bargain with me and asked for 2 small books instead to which I replied no, 1 small book tonight and more the next time her dad was away. Her response was, "Daddy, when are you going away next?"

He looked at her and said, "Hey!" and I could tell he was a little hurt. Now, I am not crazy enough to think that she likes me better. But she is four and I am a girl, I am new to her and I pay attention to JUST her when we are reading because her younger sister Melody is being put to bed. That kind of zoned in attention doesn't go unnoticed by kids. I just hope that he knows this and that he doesn't for some reason feel threatened (which would be totally ridiculous) and feel the need to fire me.

He expresses many times a night that they are very happy with me and my food and how much the girls like me-so I don't think that would really happen...but there are a lot of things I never thought would happen and yet, they did. So, you know.

As mentioned, their Popop is visiting. He's a delightful man! He is The Mom's father and he spent several minutes talking with me while I was prepping dinner, asking me about myself and my schooling, my trip to Florida and my tan. He apparently also goes to a tanning salon and was most impressed with my coloring I guess! In fact, the 2nd day he asked if I went earlier in the day because I looked darker. Funny...in any event, it was nice to have a visitor there because they engage me in conversation which I enjoy. Otherwise, I am quiet because I just don't know them that well yet (this is getting better though). Conversation cues...I like 'em!

One last thing before I go-I made my Chicken Makhani for them last night and got a "This is my favorite thing you have made so far." The recipe I have posted here is for a crockpot and I cooked this on the stove. In all honesty, I liked this way better and it was FAST. I'll re-post the recipe with the updates later...and I highly recommend you try it if you like that sort of food. Delicious!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Sometimes Lovers

A Sometimes Lover is like a
slice of cake;
so good for a while, you
forget what's at stake.

Seduced by its comfort
but pained by the ingredients.
A lifetime of feeling hungry.

It is time to go on a diet.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Randomivity


It's fun to crack up in a restaurant over something very immature. "Did he just say doodie?"

There are lots of things I've had to shrug off. It shouldn't be this way.

5am bedtimes are sometimes good-but not when you're alone and battling insomnia. Not having a job is at least good for something...catching up on sleep.

Walking up for a dinner of crepes with a friend and visiting a local bookstore afterward makes for a wonderful night. I'm grateful for the distraction called friends.

Yesterday both girls waited for my by the door when I arrived and both had big smiles on their faces. I guess they missed me over the weekend...in fact, one of them had a request that I read at least one book to them before going home. (The dad is home, so I leave right after clean up.) How could I decline?

It's nice to know that I am at least making them happy.

I was in need of a doctor on Monday and knew that my state insurance did not cover the one I saw here last year. That meant going through the process of calling doctors, verifying if they were taking new patients, calling insurance again to set a primary care physician and then calling the doctor again to register. I wasn't sick, thankfully because if I were, I would not have made it through that rigmarole.

And after all that...I don't really like the doctor I chose. (But she's near the mall...so, that's kind of a perk, right?)

Have you ever met someone who reminds you of a person you do not like, and, no matter how hard you try you just can't get past that? It kind of sucks.

It is 12:34

Not anymore. Time does that too much-it just slips away while you aren't looking and then you realize you are 32.

I'm feeling nefarious and that's not a good thing.

How many of you had to look that word up? :) or, based on the definition >:<

Toosdae ?'s


Answer 'em, k? :)

1. If I were to type your real name into Google, would I find out something I already know, something new or something scandalous?

2. If you could have the ability to solve problems quickly and easily or the ability to know without doubt every time a person told a lie, which ability would you want and why?

3. What (or who) do you think of when you hear the word "cooties"? If you mention a person, please omit their last name.


1. Some of you would know everything in Google, a few of you might learn something new and no one would find anything scandalous.

2. I know that the "right" answer should be the problem solving one, but I would really like to be able to tell if I am being lied to. Some people are way too good a lying and finding out you've been deceived is one of the saddest most horribly empty feelings I've ever felt. Being able to weed those people out straight away before getting hurt would be nice.

3. His name was Anthony and he was the tallest kid I knew in elementary school. Sadly, no one liked him and every time he sat near any of us we'd move away. It makes me sad to think about it today, but I know that he has a happy adult life now, so that at least is good.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Speeding Fines Doubled

I learned something about my father this weekend: He doesn't like to slow down for pot holes, bumps, dips, raised structures or anything that is not flat.

Which is weird, because he's a very slow and careful driver.

It once took him 3 hours to make a hour and a half drive. When meeting them for dinner this weekend, it took him over an hour when it should have taken 35 minutes-max. On a 2 hour drive, he'll stop to pee at least twice, making the long slow ride longer and slower. (But hey, you can't really blame a guy for having to go to the bathroom.) But on the way home from New York on Sunday he seemed to speed up a the precise moment a non-flat piece of road was before us.

It was very jarring, to say the least.

And then there was the super powered accelerations-I'm not really sure what's gotten into him, but today he'd zoom up to speed to pass or merge only to roll back down to 55-65 like the poky little puppy he is. Just when I started thinking that we'd make up some lost time (with the zoom) my hopes were crushed (by the poky little puppy). It took us about 2 1/2 hours to get home. My mom, I am sure, was home in just under 1.5 hours.

The only thing that used to get my dad to drive fast ironically was a minivan. Every time we'd rent one on vacation he'd become a crazy speed demon with the zoom but without the plp. I'm sure there were quite a few people shaking their heads as we passed them thinking that he was a reckless soccer mom late for a game with an unruly 2 year old in the back unbuckled and not in a car seat.

But apparently the minivan has been replace by pot holes, bumps, dips, raised structures or anything that is not flat. My neck may never be the same.