Wednesday, December 16, 2009


Jamie used to check everything I did. Once I cleaned the kitchen but forgot to wipe the underneath of the faucet. When he saw it he said, "We all fall short in the eyes of the Lord." I hated that but years later when I have something perfect except for one thing, I whisper that to myself. I hate that too.

I made a chandelier out of Christmas balls. It needs more but I'm not sure I'll have time.

Next year I would like to decorate a tree with someone special. I haven't done that in...a really, really long time.

When you IM me and I don't know you very well, please try to keep up the conversation. I take your long ass pauses as you not being interested or interesting.

Yesterday was the campus holiday party at the President's house. It's pretty in there and I think it would have been fun but it was so hot I had to leave. My face was embarrassing me. I don't know why I don't use my medicine all of the time.

I'd like to preface this with the fact that I really like this person. She's a co-worker and becoming a friend. The other day she said mentioned that she'll be at my house early on Friday before the party. She said it again later too. I'm wondering how early and also why she would not ask me first if that was OK. I find it a little rude, actually but I don't want to hurt her feelings.

Yesterday I visited my new primary care physician so that I could get my inhaler script renewed. After she did that she asked me if I wanted to get a flu shot. Then she asked if I'd also like the H1N1 shot. I've never asked about it before. Doesn't it seem like it should have been a little harder than that? Anyway...I got both.

My boss wants to take me out to lunch to thank me for doing such a great job. This is flattering but also very scary. It's going to be very awkward.

I am nervous about a gift that was sent to me. My friend told me he just wants me to be happy and that he doesn't like how I have been treated in the past. And that it might be offensive but he did not mean it that way. What the heck could it be?! (Kurt if you read this-I'm nervous!!!)

I found myself humming and singing yesterday while I did the dishes. This makes me happy because it means I'm getting there. It seems like I am fighting with myself to let it it is trying to, but when I find myself healing I grasp at a memory so that it doesn't happen.

I wish we were still friends. When I can write that sentence without tearing up, I know I'm there. I miss you.

The other day I was grocery shopping in my work clothes and my underwear were not being nice. It's not a very good feeling walking around knowing that people can tell b/c you are wearing dress pants.

It's frustrating when there is more than one itinerary for the same conference.


Danielle A. said...

I am really really saddened by your first thing - I seriously almost cried. :( I hope you know in your heart that the Lord isn't scrutinizing your cleaning!

Mags said...

D-money: I do know it. When I say it I get angry because I know it but it's been beaten into me...literally. I usually thank God after I say it for giving me hands that can clean, or a voice that can sing or whatever it is I am doing.

G.W. said...

Isn't it ironic when those who like to use God to point out other people's "shortcomings" (if not wiping under the faucet is a shortcoming) seem to forget other passages such as "do unto others..." or "he without sin cast the first stone...". Sometimes my gender disgusts me.

I did have a story to relate to your underwear dilemma, but it may be a little inappropriate.

But...I have to say that even while you struggle to heal, please know that your posts are one of the things I look forward to reading every day.

LceeL said...

If your underwear is misbehaving - just go with a thong. It misbehaves on purpose and you look incredible. :)

Lois Grebowski said...

You're getting there, girl... btw, got a cute card in the mail. Made me smile... thanks!

Linda said...

My dumbass ex used the Lord to chastise me all the time, too, but thankfully I've forgotten most of that and hopefully someday you will, too!

I can understand being nervous about lunch with your boss - I would be but then again, unless I know people well I don't like eating in front of them at all! Chewing can be so awkward sometimes!

Mrs. OrioleGal9 said...

I can't wait to hear what Kurt sent you! So fun...I'm sure it will make you laugh.

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