Sunday, November 22, 2009

5th Anniversary of Me

Today is the 5th Anniversary of Me. For those of you who just started reading, you might be interested in visiting my past posts for a background. (First, second, third, fourth.) If you had to choose one to read, please pick the first one.

Five years ago today I took my life back. Five years ago today, I left the house that I owned with nothing but the clothes on my back and I vowed not to go back until he was gone. I said "no" to being put down on a daily basis, to being blackmailed, told not to laugh when things were funny, being told I was fat and ugly and not worthy of love and most of all, I said no to being beat up. I did not know whether or not he would chase me or kill me and I lived in fear for quite a while after he was gone. But even that fear was less than what I felt everyday he was in my life.

This year was one of the hardest years of my life. My confidence was shot, I was humbled and humiliated. There were times when I felt like I had nothing to get me through the day. But I was safe and I was free. And even five years later, it feels good to be able to say that.

I can't get those years back. But I can thank God that I got through it, that I am strong enough to have taken control and that I had good people who gave me shelter when I needed to hide.

As I look around my new apartment, tired from a night out with new friends, I am so very grateful for the woman asked me if I felt safe at home. It seemed so random-especially because that was the day I decided I was not going to go back home. I'm not certain that I would have had enough courage to really go through with it had she not told me that I need to get away from him. I like to think I would have-but really, I'm not sure.

My life is so enriched now with family and friends who love me, a craft that keeps me centered and a job that I think I'm really going to love. Today is the 5th Anniversary of Me and today, more than any day, I am grateful to be alive.


flipper said...

I am so proud of you and I love you so much!

SilverNeurotic said...

You are so awesome and brave. Enjoy your special anniversary and keep staying true to yourself.

Melisa with one S said...

Happy Anniversary, and many, many more years of standing up for yourself to come! xoxo

Linda said...

Happy 5th Anniversary! It really is a day to celebrate and just remember that you had the courage and conviction to stand up to that man and with that you have what it takes to survive whatever life throws your way!

Yay for you!

Bond said...

This is so wonderful Mags...I wonder..have you thought about taking some time to visit a shelter where women like you have gone to find themselves after being in abusive relationships?

Your attitude and story would touch many women as being true and from the heart and may make it easier for them to take the next step.

2010 will bring someone into your life to allow you to share these wonderful times.

Marilyn said...

Happy Anniversary! I'm very proud of you and thrilled at the way things seem to be moving in your life.

Travis said...

Congratulations on taking you back.