Friday, September 18, 2009

Not Gonna Lie

I'm not gonna lie: I am devastated. Last night I went to be knowing that I was going to buy a cafe within the week. I talked to my dad about it and we made the decision. This morning, that dream was gone. And not only is it gone, it's got to be put on hold for a year. But I am not holding my breath. I have to set my mind back a month before my father offered to do this so that I can live again knowing it's just a dream instead of something that is really going to happen.

I am not giving up. Someday I will own a cafe. I just thought that someday would be next week.

I had a wonderful day with Lois today. She's so wonderful and warm and caring and she just made me feel so much better. She lifted my spirits quite a bit and I am trying my best to keep her loving energy in my heart tonight. It's people like her who make this world a wonderful place. I am very lucky to have met her.

I am throwing myself a pity party tonight. All of my friends are busy and since I have to be alone I ordered pizza (not on my diet) and am going to get either wine or beer. I also ordered an individual sized dessert and will spend the night in my pajamas. I don't like this feeling. Not one bit.


Carole said...

I sit here dumbfounded after reading the last few posts. I can't believe how your Mom, knowing how you feel, your dreams, could just decide not to lend you the money?!? Does she KNOW you at all? Know anything about you?? Care?? Good golly, I'd lend my daughter money to help her make her dream come true if she believed in herself and was talented like you EVEN if it was like, the worst year for cafes EVER! I just can't believe your mom just totally ripped the rug out from under you. Took your dream away. I'll be polite and just say your mother sounds like a real winner. I am so, very sorry for you. My mom wasn't a "winner" either, but geez, even she wouldn't have done what your mom did. THAT SUCKS!!!!! I hope you really enjoyed your pizza and dessert and alcohol!!!!!! I would SO DO THE SAME THING!!! (((((HUGS)))))

Danielle A. said...

You enjoy yourself! Take a lot of solace in that pity party - it sounds like a good time. And then get your hind quarters up here on Monday night and we'll have fun too. :) :) ****hugs****

Linda said...

I have to agree with Carole - I am just having so much trouble believing that your mom is being so unsupportive of you and your obvious talents as a chef. Does she think that cafes are going to be doing any better in a year? And who the heck makes your uncle an expert? Maybe cafes are failing because they're in the wrong places or have crappy food or are run poorly. That doesn't mean that your cafe would suffer the same fate and shame, shame, shame on her for not giving you the chance to prove otherwise.

Enjoy your pizza and your dessert and I hope you have a couple of drinks - you've had a hell of a rotten week and I am very proud of you for not just sitting in the corner and crying while sucking your thumb and rocking - which is probably where I'd be right now.

As for your mom and Greg - I'm sorry but they're asshats both; I'd use my other favorite word but don't want to give your blog an X rating!

Travis said...

I'm going in another direction here. I'm going to stay positive. I'm going to think that your mom is worried about you and wants you to succeed. I'm going to believe that your family is behind you 100%.

Most of all, I'm going to advise you not to look backward. The past is past.

Clear the board now and start again. Go back through your business plan. Ask questions about your model and your ideas. Come up with new recipes. Make floor plans. Think about new innovations in kitchen equipment and grills.

A lot can change in a year. You have a dream. You are the one who is going to make that dream come true. Take this time to really learn your business and what it takes to succeed, and research why people may fail in your business.

Be ready for that question. Knowing your facts is the only way to address fear.

Most importantly, I say to you to look at this delay as just that...a delay. This is an opportunity to continue to think and plan and understand exactly what you want to do. It sucks and it's disappointing, but I know you are going to make this happen.

For now, you are working and making a bit of income. You aren't destitute. You have family and friends. You have a little kitty.

You're going to be ok.

Mags said...

Thanks everyone. I can't say that I'm not angry with my mother. She made a decision without all of the information-actually, without ANY information. We don't get alone all of the time but I don't think she actively tries to make me sad. I just don't understand her thinking. Sometimes I think she's a little selfish. She once demanded I give her space heater back when it was 0 degrees out and I lost heat. She had heat.

So, I don't know. I'm adding this to the list of things I have to get over. Thanks for being on my side. :)

Trav: As always, you brighten my day with your eternal optimism. Thank you.

Lois Grebowski said...

Travis has some excellent suggestions. One thing he said struck a chord with me about research and stuff.

I know this sounds crazy, but is there a way you can network with successful people in the industry?

I was once told that in order to be successful, you need to do what successful people do (not what you *think* they do). So you should hang out with successful people, learn thier habits, etc...

Also know that when you do make it (and you will!) it will be purely YOUR victory... yours and yours alone to savor.

You are at an exciting crossroads in your life and this is the time to have some fun with it!


Mags said...

I wrote back to my father and told him how disappointed I was that the decision was based on my uncles words and that they didn't even see this cafe. I explained that it was near a well known college and that it's in a bustling area that is thriving. He wrote back and told me that he changed his mind because he was afraid that I wouldn't have enough start up cash and that he was afraid I was doing this alone and would need help.

Well hell. I'm going to be alone for a while and don't anticipate having a partner soon. Besides, that's why there's a thing called "employees".

I've got to find the money another way.

Daily Panic said...

Mags- I haven't stopped by here in a while, i feel your disappointment. I don't understand your mom, I think sometimes as parents, support is the only thing we can give our kids to become the best of who they are. My kid loves to dye her hair funky colors- it makes her happy- she gets a lot of negative comments about it sometimes- but I think when I tell her- it's OK to be yourself and she's beautiful- I know that my opinion counts a lot in her confidence. I don't protect her from failure but I encourage her to not fail because of it.
I'll tell you the same thing - this is not a failure on your part, you haven't failed, it's going to happen and so what if it is a big mistake later- worry about that later, but enjoy it while you have it!
Just like my kid with her funky hair- life is worth the risks we take!