Friday, January 09, 2009

It's Bad When...

It's bad that 12am is quickly becoming my 10pm. (I used to go to bed around 12am, now it's more like 2am.) It's true I don't have to get up early right now, but it's also true that someone who's got sleep issues like me is on a dangerous road when this sort of pattern emerges. 12:28am and I am wide awake. I could go all night.

It's also bad that the only way I know what day it is, is by my birth control pills. Monday's and Friday's just don't have the same meaning right now.

I received a phone call from my former boss yesterday-I didn't have the heart to pick up, so I let it go to voicemail. She basically wanted to tell me that she got my separation paperwork in the mail and that I was "all set". Um, I'm sorry-but I'm not "all set". I'm unemployed and faced with a sucky ass job market and am uncertain as to whether or not I am going to qualify for state aided medical insurance. If that is what "all set" is, I'd hate to be screwed.

Every morning I wake up hoping that I'll see better jobs listed on the boards-and everyday I feel my heart sink as I see part time positions, or jobs that pay $11/hr. I know it's not been that long-just under a month-but it's discouraging. I know I have to keep my head up and to have faith, and to stay positive. But when you're sitting alone in your apartment all day, everyday without your phone ringing for interviews, it's hard to do those things.

There are people far worse off than me. I know this. It's just hard sometimes to let it all go and to believe that everything will be alright.

Thankfully I've had 5 orders to fill, and so I've been walking to the store and to the post office which has taken up some of my time. I've really enjoyed that, but am thinking that the shop will die down after this initial surge. It's OK-it's tough times, I know. It was fun while it lasted.
(The button to get to the shop is still on the side bar though!)

I miss my favorite coffee shop. It's still within walking distance, and I could easily go to it, but it's not the same as picking up my bagel and coffee on the way to work. Instead, I've been going to another good bagel shop across the street from me (in fact, my favorite coffee shop buys my favorite bagels from the bagel shop across the street from me-did you get that?). Obviously their bagels are fantastic, but their coffee isn't. And though their employees are quirky and weird like my favorite coffee shop, these people aren't as nice. I'm pretty "normal" looking and I don't have crazy hair, weird piercings or anything like that. I'm also probably about 10 years older than most of them-but at my favorite shop, all of these things do not matter. People of all different shapes, sizes, ages and backgrounds somehow meld into one happy shop. At the place across the street-they don't smile at me much and they act like I don't belong. It's pretty sad, actually, because they have a killer sandwich.

It's my very favorite bagel (everything) with scallion cream cheese, bacon, red onion and tomatoes. OMG it's SO fantastic. It's alot of flavors all together-but the crunchy, creamy, scalliony, tomatoey combo is a winner. And the bacon, well...need I say more?

One thing did make me smile when I went in there the other day-one of the weird girls (and I realize this is not narrowing down very much) was talking about a band playing on the radio. She said that she has a crush on the lead singer and that he was "sooooooo cute". The other girl (who is weird and insanely pretty) asked about him. This is what she got:

"He's sooo cute. He's soooo tall. And he whistles."

That's it.

I kind of chuckled out loud to that (because it's what I do) and got a weird look. What? No one else thought that was strange? "And he whistles."? C'mon! That is definitely chuckle worthy. Especially when using it as proof that someone is cute.

Needless to say, I walked out of there with my fantastic sandwich, a (semi-good) coffee and a smile on my face because, well, I love this place.

If only I had a job...

Special shout out to my friend "Bad Habit" (who I think still reads this blog). Thanks for a fun night last night! I miss seeing you everyday!


Clancy In Idaho said...

Your bagel has me drooling... why oh why do you always do that to me!!! And, there is NOT a single freakin' bagel shop in the town I live in. Really. ;)

And what's up with you? Don't whistling guys make you swoon? WTH!? Ya. I'd be laughing too!

Have a great day!

Lois Grebowski said...

OOOH, that bagel combo does sound delish... the cool creaminess of the cream cheese set against the saltiness of the bacon...OMG!

Maybe it's the optimist in me, but I think in the next few weeks or so things will start evening out... I hope so...

Big hugs. I've been where you are and it's not fun.

Melisa with one S said...

Yum-o on the bagel!!!

Keep your chin up: things will turn around!

I know what you mean about staying up late. You may need to do something that changes that habit. Why not take a nice bath or something at 10-ish, and then get into bed with a book? If you force yourself to do that, your body might relent and say, "Oh, alright. I'm sleepy now."

Just an idea...

Rocketstar said...

Hang in there Mags, remember to network as much as you can, that's where most of the jobs are found. I know you are new to the area like I was to Denver, but get out there and stay in touch with folks you used to work with because as they find stuff, they may be able to help you.

Anonymous said...

Definitely get out of the house! I've been there and one thing you should think about is doing things you can't usually do when you're working - go to museums, etc.

And get involved in something, anything, where you meet new people. I've always found jobs through people rather than through job listings.

Kate Hutchinson said...

I can sympathize with the out-of-work blues. I lost my job last November and spent the better part of a year having promising interviews with no callbacks. Finally I decided to go get my MBA, and I've got an internship to help pay the bills.

I wish you all the best of luck in job searching and hope you find something soon.

Bond said...

I love everything bagels with smooth peanut butter all melting down the sides...yum

Linda said...

Sounds like quite the cast of characters at your favorite bagel shop! And I can fully understand you laughing over someone being declared cute because "he whistles"!

Perhaps next week will bring better things than this week did in the job search department. Surely there must be something in a city the size of Boston for someone with your skills and talents!

Ivanhoe said...

I'm early sleeper. Must be in bed by 11 pm. If I try to stay up a little later on the weekends, its usually not past midnight.

Try to keep busy with stuff you never had a time to do before and get out of that apartment often (I know it's harder during winter).
Hang in there, Mags :o)

FRIGGA said...

I think I'd get irritated if retail employees acted like I wasn't good enough for them. I guess some people think giving off the "I have an attitude" vibe will make them cool. It doesn't. Anyway - if the sandwich is as good as you say and the place is that close, it might be worth the snobbery! :-0

Oh, and why NOT take a part time job while you're still looking? Some money is better than no money!

Sarah Clapp said...

I read your blog and can see my future. Reading your entry brings up such feelings. Keep the faith.

Mags said...

Frigga-I don't know how much I am allowed to make yet-I'm waiting on the state to tell me that, and once I know, I will get out and do something. For now, I have to wait. I don't want to mess up the unemployment (that I haven't gotten yet) that I might get.

silverneurotic said...

All I can say is that I'm very glad that when I was out of work a few years ago it was when I was still in college and thus, still had somewhat of a schedule to keep. If I had the choice I'd stay up late every single night and that just would not be good.

By the your chocolate chip cookies have nuts in them?

Mags said...

Silver: The cookies do not have nuts in them, but can easily be made with nuts if that is the preference. :)

Sue said...

Hang in there Mags. I do like Melisa's idea of taking a bath, and going to bed with a book. Make it like a science text book and you should be out in minutes!

Definitely make sure you get out of your house at least once a day.

BTW, I love Scrubs too!

Mo said...

FIVE orders is awesome!!!
Keep on talkin' it up!!!!

FRIGGA said...

You're waiting for the Government to tell you how much you can work? I'm sorry, that just seems plum crazy to me.

Mags said...

Well Frigga, I don't know how to react to your comment. I don't know whether you are calling me crazy or the system crazy. If you are calling me crazy I'm put off by your comment and don't appreciate it at all.

The unemployment check I am going to be getting is not even 1/2 of what I normally get paid while working a full time job-which I am looking for pretty much all day every day. There just are not that many to go around right now here.

If I am to continue receiving my unemployment money each week, I am only allowed to work a part time job that earns me up to 1/3 of that weekly amount I receive from the government. If I go over this amount, I am at risk of losing my unemployment check.

This is why I was waiting to find out how much I would be getting-so that I could figure out how much I can work at a part time job until I find a full time one that will pay me what I am used to making.

I'm sorry if that seems crazy to you, but working a smaller job while finding a new full time one just would not pay the bills. It's a stupid system, but it is the only one I have at the moment and so I am not going to do anything to risk that.