Friday, March 21, 2008

Cougars

Heard on the local mix station morning show this morning:
 
Woman: "I have to keep up with my 28 year old boyfriend.' (She's 47)
 
DJ: "Whoa! Wait a minute-there's something wrong with that kid-he's 28 dating a 47 year old woman?!"
 
Woman: "Yeah, what's wrong with that?  I'm Italian, I don't look my age....I see.  Men can date younger women but we can't date younger me?"
 
DJ: (pause) "I hate to say it this way but...yes!"
 
Writing it down makes it seem like I'm going to rant about it when in fact it was just very funny.  But the older woman/younger man match up reminds me of something going on now...
 
I have a stalker.  Only he's not very stealth.  He's younger and also, engaged.  But he doesn't leave me alone and he says things like "If I were single..." or "If she says no, I'm giving you the ring."  He flirts like mad in a high schoolish kind of way.  (He sometimes calls me goober.) 
 
It's not horrible that he comes to talk to me, nor does it make me feel bad that he thinks I'm pretty or that he likes my personality.  In fact, it's flattering.  It's not everyday a girl gets to feel special, and regardless of how weird it is, it's still flattering.
 
But man, it's weird.  Yesterday he came into my cubicle at least 14-15 times.  When he wasn't coming in to talk to me, he was walking by me and waving or, unfortunately, winking.  Which leads me to ask you this-why do people think closing one eye in a blinking manner means you want me to have your babies?  Who was the first lame-ass woman who saw a wink and got all flustered thus changing the meaning of a wink.  If I'm not mistaken (which quite possibly I might be to be honest) the wink, according to the bible, was somewhat of a call to evil.  (Or something like that.)  Did the lame-ass woman in question have a husband but lusted after the winker and so when the winker winked she thought he was offering his wanker?
 
Whatever the events leading up to the wink meaning someone wants to kiss you, I think the wink is a weird and somewhat creepy form of affection.  Instead of closing one eye and smiling at me, look at me with both eyes open and tell me you think I'm pretty.  Or cool.  Or whatever it is that you like about me-just do it with both eyes open.
 
Because when you wink-I do something with my eyes too-I roll them.
 

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Weekly Dish: Top Chef Episode 2


Sometimes trains are late and that makes you angry.  Last night, it allowed me to watch the second episode of Top Chef.  Let's dish!
 
A the opening of the show, we see a more confident Stephanie.  After last week's win with her Duck a L'orange she is happy that now the other chefs know that she's a "force to be reckoned with".  While I am glad to see a female chef gain more confidence, I don't quite think she should be counting the ducks before they hatch...
 
Quickfire!
 
Being someone who has recently been privy to an open air market, I can honestly tell you I got excited at the prospect of what the chef's would find while scavenging through Chicago's Green City Market.  The challenge was to create a dish with the local ingredients for only $25.  The other catch?  There can only be 5 ingredients total used to create their masterpieces.  (With the exception of Salt, Pepper, Sugar & Oil.)
 
Shopping notes: Richard spots eucalyptus and snatches it up immediately-he's going to use it to flavor his chicken.  Being someone that was taught by a chef who's philosophy was to always put 1 ingredient in that makes people ask, "What did I just have in my mouth?" I get using new flavors.  But eucalyptus?  I'm not sure I'd want my food to smell like the dried flower arrangement in my doctors office.  But maybe that's just me...
 
Spike, though appearing to be nervous at the thought of creating a dish with only 5 ingredients in it, took his time relaxing and listening to music while the others shopped.  Mark (remember the Marmite guy?) was extremely impatient and rude to the vendors, often ditching a line that he was previously in, or reaching over a counter to help himself.  His lack of patience made him forget the produce he bought.  He realizes this before leaving the market, but is out of time and resolves to make the dish without the fancy lettuce he bought.  Dale complains about the freshness of ingredients.
 
Back in the kitchen:
 
The chefs are introduced to this weeks guest judge: Wylie Dufresne, chef of NY's WD-50.  While all of the contestants are excited about his appearance, Richard is almost giddy as he thinks he is a shoe in.  (Wylie is a molecular gastronomist too, you see.) 
 
While Spike was calm and cool at the market, we now saw him running around complaining about the meat he bought, calling it "dog food".  Now, I'm not sure if you know this, but in culinary school there's a whole class about spotting fresh ingredients, how to inspect them and how to reject them.  Next time, Spike, spend a little more time looking at your meat (that sounds dirty) than dancing in the park.
 
Side note: I'm no wus.  Working in a kitchen unfortunately means you hear LOTS of vulgarity.  The "F" word is as common in a kitchen as salt and stock and when you're not talking about partying, you are talking about sex.  It's just the way it is, and being a woman you have 2 choices.  Take it, or leave it.  We've got enough to prove in the industry and so most of us take it.  Outside of the kitchen though, most of us revert back to "normal".  So see, I'm no wus.  HOWEVER: Does anyone else notice that there are a lot of Jesus C's and GD's flying around?  I'm just surprised that it is not edited out.  That's all I'm sayin'.
 
Of note: Richard's chicken in oily and Wylie says it could be more refined.  Spike's dog meat was paired with apples and the judges think he should have made a sandwich instead to cover the quality of the meat.  Mark is told that he has nice sideburns.  Oh, and his dish is given praise as is his ability to work around a missing ingredient.  Eric is told he does not have a composed plate because he basically just plopped the food separately in a row.  (I think he's going to be going home soon).
 
Bottom 3: Spike, Eric, Richard (he almost cries...)
Top 3: Ryan, Valerie, Mark
Winner: Mark.  The bitterness of the turnip was well balanced with the sweetness of the peaches.  And also-way to go for forgetting an ingredient!  You're safe.
 
Elimination Challenge:
 
Drawing knives reveals teams of 3, each broken down into animal categories.  Teams will prepare dishes for a cocktail party at the Lincoln Park Zoo.  Their food must be created from a list of their animals diet.  The teams are: Vulture, Bear, Lion, Penguin and Gorilla.
 
Standouts: Nikki is on team Bear and is trying to prove that women can be chefs too.  Only instead of being assertive but polite, she's just being a crazy bitch.  Instead of buying food she wants to buy flowers and berries to decorate the table.  Nikki, there's a place for people like you, and it's called Martha Stewart's house.  Dale is angry and is having trouble giving her control.  (He's kind of a jerk anyway-remember last week he stayed away from the group instead of trying to get to know them?)  Nikki produces stuffed mushrooms that "look like turds" and Dale tops them with cheese to try to make them better.  No one tastes them before serving them, and they are awful. 
 
Team Gorilla is having trouble with their Bellini's.  Valerie knows they should be done a la minute (right there) but instead they make them ahead of time.  NOT good.  Meanwhile, Stephanie deals with soggy chips and watered down (too early dressed) salad.  Their banana bread however, is top notch.
 
Team Penguin: Andrew, though seemingly having withdrawal from the crack, takes charge.  He decides to make a pallet cleansing gel glacier in addition to his squid and balsamic tapioca.  This ultimately makes him the winner of the challenge.  I think it was the balsamic tapioca balls.  Man I want to learn how to do that!
 
Who's going home?  If you haven't watched yet and you don't want to know...this is a SPOILER ALERT!
 
SPOILER ALERT...ok, fair warning....
 
Valerie is send packing.  Why?  Because she's weak.  If she knew that Bellini's would not work in the situation she was in, she should have spoken up in the planning stage.  But she did not, and therefore, her dish was the yuckiest (yeah, so?) of them all.  I personally was glad to see her go, as I think (as was Nimma) she was too much of a pushover and not assertive enough to truly work in a successful kitchen.  Next week, I hope that Eric or Dale go home, though I think Dale will hang on for a while.  And also, wouldn't it be cool if a woman wins for once? 
 
Next week-FIELD TRIP!
 
FOR ANOTHER RECAP OF THIS WEEK'S TOP CHEF, GO SEE MORGEN AT Captured by Gravity.
 
 

Yet Again...

Those of you who know me know that weird things happen to me. Things that (a) Don't happen to other people, or (b) Happen to other people but aren't talked about because they are embarrassed.


Though I do get embarrassed by some things (for instance-and this is unlady like, so if you've got some delusion that women should be proper, skip this-stepping inside the elevator and suddenly having to fart. And just after that, someone else boards the elevator.) I also try to find humor in what otherwise would be a series of horrific scenarios in my life.


I recently revisited the day I fondled the nipple on a naked female mannequin, and the fact that 2 people saw me do it. Yes, I thought it was hysterical and had to hide in the changing room because I was laughing so hard, but it was slightly embarrassing at the same time.


*shrug*


What about the time I went for my initial welcome meeting at a new gym? Does anyone remember what happened? Well-if you didn't know me back then, you missed my excitement in telling you that I was evaluated very well-that I wasn't in as bad of shape as I thought. But you also missed my surprise when I found out (by comparing notes with a friend who had also done the same evaluation at the same gym) that a few of the things I had to do were not, shall we say...status quo. Like, for instance, the fact that she was not made to get down on all fours while the instructor had one hand on your stomach and the other on your back.


Nope...it was just for me.


Well, yesterday something else happened. I met my new chiropractor for the first time and for the first visit there are several evaluations that they do to see how healthy your back is. These include things like feeling your spine, rotating your neck, pushing down on your head to see if the pressure hurts anywhere...and also, testing your posture.


The first part of the posture test is to stand up straight. The second-and this is where it got interesting-is bending over and touching your toes. I did so, and the doctor felt my spine and commented on a little bit of a curve I have (probably due to the current problem). He was finished with his evaluation and so he said, "Ok...all set."


And then he slapped my ass.


It wasn't a slap, slap...more like a double pat-as if to say, "Ok, we're done now!" I don't know why, but I'm not offended at all, and I don't really think he meant it in any sexual way. I don't feel violated or anything-but...


That's weird, right?

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Randomivity





I like that there are no utility lines around my hood. Is it like that in all cities? I know it's like that a Disney but that's sort of a utopia.

Getting punched in the spine always sucks. But finding out that you are someones arch nemesis might possibly make it a little better.

I used to wear Amarige perfume and loved it. Then one day back in '99 I walked into the bathroom at work and used a stall after a woman down the hall did and she also wore it. Fine. Except that mixed in with the perfume, all I could smell was her "womanhood" and it grossed me out. I now hate that perfume.


Saying "back in '99" made me feel like a leather faced rough guy from a western. I don't know why.

I really hate the saying, "Got my back". Especially after watching Big Brother.

Going to a nice restaurant alone is usually crappy, but when there's another woman alone sitting right next to you, it's not so bad. Especially when she's not really classy. I suppose the fact that I was writing after each course helped my service a bit too. :)

Crispy Veal Sweebreads=Yumminess on a plate.

"I lost a screw" or "I need a screw"...no matter how you communicate the fact that a piece of your desk fell apart, you always sound a bit funny. (Or horny)
Usually I hate a phone call early in the morning-but when it's happy news from a wonderful friend about a baby that is on her way-it's a great start to her day!!!!!


Though some people might think it's gross, Pickle Sickle is still fun to say.


I am still hearing about "the who's who" of F&^%$#@ Rd. and the stinkin' bathroom. *sigh* Can I bring headphones to work? ;)

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Toosdae ?'s

Yesterday was a crazy day for my and blogging. Why? Because my blog was found by Boston. One blog linked me and I started getting some Boston traffic. Later, I check my stats and noticed that people were now coming from Boston.com. That site is HUGE. It is THE website in Boston for news. And until about 4pm yesterday, this blog was on their front page as the featured "New England Blog".


I don't know why. I don't know who did it. And to be honest, I don't much care because I was thrilled. I got about 500 hits from it, and it was super exciting to see my blog on a major site just out of the blue. So, thank you Boston.com!!! Now that I'm done gushing-here are today's questions!


1. If you were a pair of pants, what kind of pants would you be and why?


2. Have you ever been on the radio? If so, what for?


3. This question is 100% about helping me. :) If you were in a cafe reading or using your laptop, sipping a nice hot beverage what kind of baked goods would you like to be chomping on? Please be specific.



1. I would be a dark washed jean, boot cut. It's bit nicer than light colored jeans so they can be dressed up but at the end of the day, they are comfortable and traditional. (No stretch) Why boot cut? Because I've got a little flair in me too. Or, they look good on almost anyone. :)


2. I have been on the radio once. About 2 years ago I called into the local "mix" station in response to something the host said. It was regarding dating and he apparently he thought it was funny because when they went on vacation, they used that clip. It's weird hearing yourself on the radio when you don't expect it.


3. I decline answering, because I'm going to be the one baking! :)

Monday, March 17, 2008

Manic Monday: Drink

Monday's are MoMoLicious!

I didn't drink until I was in college so when I started, I felt like I had some catching up to do. The two guys who lived across the hall were army boys and took it upon themselves to "teach" me how to drink.

They started with beer. On weekends we would all sit around and they'd pace me so I wouldn't get sick. Once they were happy with my performance, they moved to mixed drinks. It was-to be honest-quite fun. My boyfriend was there so I felt safe, and a few other of our friends hung out there too. We'd play cards, video games or just spend hours talking and laughing.

The campus I lived on used to have around the world parties on a regular basis. An entire section would host the party and there would be a different drink in each room. It was mostly upperclassmen, but I was actually friends with most of them and therefore, was invited every time. (I was a freshman.)

The first around the world I remember the most-not only because it was new and exciting, but because Andy and Jeff were "introducing" me to the party scene. They walked me around, introduction me to everyone. It was a fantastic feeling, being the pride and joy of my two friends-even if it was because they 'taught" me how to drink.

At this party I learned that I do not like Southern Comfort and hate it even more when it's paired with orange juice, that Kamikaze's really kick your ass, and that I could shoot a Flaming Doctor Pepper better than any boy on the floor.

This was what really make Andy and Jeff proud. Especially because at the end of the drink you were supposed to belch and it would then taste like Doctor Pepper. Though I was never a true "girly girl" I was somewhat of a goody goody (with a secret wild side) and so it cracked everyone up that I actually belched.

That night, I had the time of my life, and I didn't even get sick. My friends continued to be proud and I continued to make more friends than I had ever had in my entire life. Looking back, it's sad that it was all because of drinking, but it was fun, and I was young and so I think that is ok.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Crazy Ride

Today was the St. Patrick's Day Parade in South Boston. I really wanted to go, but had Way too much to do, and found myself to be very tired and needed a nap. Plus, there are something like, 850,000 people that go and I didn't want to go alone.

Instead, I met my German friend for dinner at our favorite Mexican spot. Getting there took a bit longer than usual and I saw quite a few people with green beads and crazy green cowboy hats. It made me smile, but it also made me 30 minutes late.

After dinner and the yummiest margaritas, I made my way back. My travels on the red line was OK and normal-but when I got to my green line, craziness ensued. Why? Because all of the students from the 2 colleges I live between were coming back from the airport. They were sports teams and had TONS of bags. In addition, people were still coming back from the pubs and they were extremely smelly and extremely drunk. Normally, this would be funny, but when you are wedged between a large man in a mustard colored leather jacket and a small old Asian woman who's breath smells like dog poop, it just makes you angry.

There's really no point to this here story. Just that next year, I will not ride the T on the last day of spring break or on the Sunday before Saint Patrick's day.

Don't forget your green tomorrow! :)