Friday, February 15, 2008

Simpler Times

It's been a very busy week for me between the cafe, writing and a small project I'm working on, in addition to my regular job so there's not much time for a post today. Last night I found myself in need of a little break and remembered this list of funny things kids have said...most of these have been around for a while, but the list on the bottom especially makes me laugh. Enjoy-and to break up your day today, call your boss a "meany" or refuse to sit next to a member of the opposite sex b/c they have cooties. If you're going for a big show, throw a temper tantrum in the middle of the lunch room. Afterwards, you can just tell them you missed your nap and that's why you were so cranky. :)


During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence, and after church, asked: "Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?" Gary answered soberly: "I asked God to teach me to whistle... And He just then did!"


A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin~5, Ryan~3.The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"


A father was at the beach with his children when the 4 year old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore,where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"


I know that most of us have already seen these as they've been around for a while, but they just tickle me to death...


A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. He gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to come up with the rest. Here is what the kids came up with:

(I don't know why but these really make me giggle.)

Strike while the...bug is close

It's always darkest before...daylight savings time

Never underestimate the power of...termites

You can lead a horse to water but...how?

Don't bite the hand that...looks dirty

No news is...impossible

A miss is as good as a...Mr.

If you lie down with dogs, you...will stink in the morning

A penny saved is...not much

When the blind lead the blind...get out of the way

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and...you have to blow your nose

Have a fantastic weekend everyone!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Fifth Sentence Book Meme, and also Porn

Since so many of you were interested in the porn I received in the mail, and it comes in book form I decided that this would be a great opportunity to use it for this book meme that Lois and Jamie tagged me with.


Here are the Rules:

1. Pick up the nearest book ( of at least 123 pages).

2. Open the book to page 123.

3. Find the fifth sentence.

4. Post the next three sentences.

5. Tag five people & post a comment here once you post it to your blog, so I can come see.

My book: The Best of American Erotica: 2008


****WARNING-THIS POST HAS STRONG SEXUAL CONTENT AND ALSO, NOT SO PC TERMS FOR THE HUMAN GENITALIA. STOP READING IF YOU WILL BE OFFENDED.*****


***I HAVE WHITED OUT THE WORDS-IF YOU WANT TO READ THEM, HIGHLIGHT THE REST OF THE POST WITH YOUR CURSOR***
Why? Because I have a few readers who I do not want to offend and I love them dearly.
PS. It's always the nice girls you have to watch out for. ;)
Highlight from HERE
It got to the point where, when I'd start having sex with a new person for the first time, when his cock first entered my cunt (I was having sex only with men at the time), what would flash through my head wouldn't be: "Oh baby, baby, your cock feels so good inside me" or "What the hell am I doing with the creep" or "This is boring. I wonder what's on TV." What flashed through my head was: "Seven!"

Doing this had some interesting results. I'd look for pattern in the numbers. To HERE

That was quite a doozy for a 5th sentence! Don't you just love books?!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Randomivity

It's no good when you get blocked into a kitchen with a hot oven and a weird man.



Sometimes people have no idea what they are talking about, yet really think they do.



When a dry cleaner gives your item back and looks at it and says, "It's good....right?" in an uncertain voice, you know they really didn't get out the stain. (They just buttoned it in a way that covered it up) (It was a chef coat so they could do that)(Having a random string of () is kind of fun)



I might be getting some free porn in the mail tomorrow....ok, we don't call it porn, we call it "erotica". Those manequins better cover up. ;)



It's nice to be flirted with. It makes me feel pretty.



Cooking for smart kids is kind of fun. Why? Because I have no idea what they're talking about, but don't feel dumb because they have no idea how to do what I'm doing. It kind of puts on a level playing field. Ok, maybe not, but it's still kind of neat.



Hearing, "Thanks, our caterer Mags made them" feels fantastic.



It amazes me that in Boston, tons of cars are broken into because of GPS devices but motorcycles sit in alleys without being touched. I guess maybe b/c of Vin #'s?



I'm in love. With two girls named Turley and Katie. They are my boss's dogs.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Toosdae ?'s



Is anyone else dreading Valentine's Day (aka "Black Thursday") as much as I am? I swear, if anyone gets flowers delivered at work, I'm going home to hide under the covers for the rest of the day. (Except for you D-Money-you're a newly wed) *sigh*



1. Do you believe in alternative medicine? If so, what aspect appeals to you? If not, why?



2. If you were to name the clearest proof that good still exists in this world, what would it be?



3. If you could trade your rump (aka: buttocks, derriere, arse, booty, junk in the trunk, or toosh-feel free to use whichever term you like best) with someone else whose would you want? Or, dare I ask who would keep their own? (I think I know 1 person who would!)





1. I do believe that alternative medicine can help several things and that for preventative measures, it is good. I also believe in modern medicine as well though, and I think that the perfect pair is using both, and not becoming freaky alternative medicine people.



2. Currently in my life I have been "taken in" by a family. They've basically told me that their house is mine and I am free to anything, anytime and if I need them to please pick up the phone no matter when it is. They are my employers and they did not have to do this-they simply are kind, trusting people who reach out to people no matter who they are. I could go on, but after spending last night baking/cooking in their home (with everyone there) I can tell you that good people still exist.



3. I would love to have my sister Flipper's ass. Her ass is, as I've told her, luscious. (It's a good one to pinch too!) LOL!!

Monday, February 11, 2008

The Heart

Today's Manic Monday word is "heart" and today, I just don't have it.  I woke up this morning feeling rested, which is nice for a change.  I showered and packed my breakfast and lunch and walked out the door.  I thought it was going to be a great day.  And I'm sure I'll make it one, but right now, I'm a little pissed.  Because my drivers side door has another problem.
 
First it was the window-it fell into the door and I couldn't roll it up or down.  That cost a pretty penny to fix and ate into my commission from the Christmas party I catered in December.  The engine light has been on for a LONG time now and I'm told it will take $700 to fix.  I don't have $700 to give them to fix it.  But this morning, I tried opening my door and couldn't.  Ok, it's frozen, I thought-it's happened and last night was very cold with high winds and such...so, I tried again and still, nothing happened.  I thought that maybe I just didn't unlock it, so I turned the key again and pulled...nothing.
 
After about 5 minutes I finally got the door open.  I got into the car to warm it up and...couldn't shut the door!  It seems that the latch that is attached to the handle doesn't work properly.  Because I am an hourly employee, I needed to get to work.  I couldn't take the day off to fix my car.  So, I backed out and prayed that me holding the door shut with one hand would be ok, all the time thinking, "I hate my car."  Well, it was ok, and my hand hurts like a mother from holding it so tight on the highway.  The thing is, when I got to work and pushed on the door (thinking it would just open) it was locked shut like normal.
 
I don't know what I'm going to do.  I can't get it fixed, so I'll just have to pray that it was just a fluke and it will be ok until I can fix it.
 
Looks like I'm not going out to do anything fun for a looooooong time.
 
Go over and say hi to Morgen.  I heart him.

 

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Diet Day: 8?

Today was a very busy day-I put together a much needed dresser, organized my kitchen. Then, I worked out using my tricords.

Let me just say, I am NOT going to be able to lift my arms tomorrow. Yikes! Those suckers really work muscles you never knew you had...but it was good and I felt good about myself after I did it. I had to follow the same workout as the old guy in the video (he's a beginner too!) but I was sweaty when it ended and I feel my body-which means it was worked.

Food-it was ok. I really want some pizza. With crispy crust and yummy cheese. Instead, I had 3 graham crackers. It didn't make the craving go away. I'm going to have to work on that this week, b/c that is 2 cravings this week that are really strong and I don't want to end up going hog wild one night.