Monday, November 03, 2008

I Got Nothin' ~or~ From the Archives

I'm still not feeling the vibe guys-sorry...just can't get into blogging right now and I'm not sure why. I will, however, post questions tomorrow as I know some of you really missed them. For today, take a look at something I wrote a year ago. Funny thing is, I have no idea who I wrote 1/2 of these to/for. Funny how time makes you forget, huh?


If you would like to also post these, you are welcome and encouraged to do so in my comments section, or on your own blogs. If you use your blogs, leave me a comment letting me know so I can come by and read them!

1. You made me feel good about myself even though everything else was in shambles. You reminded me that I was smart, pretty, creative and worth proving him wrong. But friendship is more than an air mattress. It's consistency and work and letting me in on your dark secrets just like I let you in on mine. You couldn't do it and it makes me sad.

2. If only. We can't live on 'if onlys' but I have shed bucket loads of them for you. I miss you.

3. You never said, "I'm sorry" for what you did. I think it's why I can't let go, even though things are better. They say actions speak louder than words, but sometimes, words need to be heard in order to coax the heart into healing itself.

4. Why is it you show up at the worst times? You're like a leech that sucks the good out of everything. And what's worse, is that you only do it because you know times are good or that you have nothing better going on with your life. If we talked, I would tell you to grow up and to stop being such a snob. And also, to stop using people's emotions to stroke your own ego.

5. I still look for you. I still wonder why you chose me. I still get defensive when someone raises their voice. And you are probably still doing it to someone else. You don't deserve to live and God sees through your "holiness".

6. I know you talked about me behind my back all of the time. It hurt because I would have done anything for you. I was the one who took care of you when everyone else was having fun because unlike you, I really cared. That is why I do not keep in touch.

7. Sometimes I feel guilty because I don't miss you or think about you until I am reminded. Because I am supposed to miss you because I've known you my whole life. But you don't know who I am because you do not listen and you are controlling. Controlling people does not mean love.

8. You could have told me before I went under. And by the way, making me eat General Tso's Chicken directly out of surgery was the most inconsiderate and selfish thing you ever did to me. Especially because I told you I wanted soup because my jaw hurt.

9. You didn't have to be such a bitch. Your children are supposed to grow up and form relationships and being jealous was not healthy. You were mean and you made me feel inferior and unworthy and it really hurt my self esteem back then. I hope you know how that strained what could have been perfection.

10. I'm sorry I can't be more involved. It's in my make up, it's ingrained in my soul. I lived in a cave until 1994 and going back puts me back in there. That's why it's in small doses. I hope someday you will all understand.

There are a billion more words I can write on some of these. But sometimes, too many words is bad.


crazy working mom said...

Sometimes what is a big deal toady might not be such a big deal tomorrow, right? It's funny how much we can forget in a year's time.

Melisa said...

Tag, you're it! Come on over and see what you've won! :)

Lois Grebowski said...

Pretty heave stuff. I can identify with a few of them. Some of those are the same thing I'd say.

Bond said...

I rememebr this

We all go through those "not feeling it" times...

We will be here when you do feel it

Mo said...

Well, I know I'm not number 8 - like I would ever share General Tso's chicken!
Hope I'm not #4!

Travis said...

Take a break. You know we'll be here.

These are interesting. But sometimes it's enough to write them.