Friday, August 08, 2008

Call the Judge!

When I was little, my favorite aunt made fudge-and she made it all of the time. I remember it being so delicious and creamy and I'd get excited every time she suggested we make it. (I later found out that she used a pudding mix as her base.) She's always sing this song while she stirred, "Fudge, fudge, call the judge! Momma's gonna have a baby!" Which is hysterical, now that I understand the words...

Years later when I was old enough to use the stove by myself, I tried making fudge alone.

It never worked.

No matter how hard I tried, my fudge never came out right-it was either too grainy or too soupy. Nothing I did worked, either. I tried many different recipes but to no avail. This was the time of my life when I was really getting into experimenting with cooking and I was amazed at how I could make elaborate meals but for the life of me could not make fudge.

Well ladies and gentlemen, I still can't. I don't know what the deal is-I'm I trained chef for goodness sake! I've made classic dishes that people like Escoffier and Careme created-yet, I can't get my fudge to work. I don't need tips or suggestions-I do everything right. I even use a candy thermometer, so I know scientifically it should work. But, it just does not.

Last night I made fudge on a whim. I don't even really like fudge all that much, but I was feeling like I wanted to play in the kitchen and I had all of the ingredients needed so, what the heck, right? Everything was going well-in fact, nothing went wrong. I thought that it was not going to set up at first, but then it did and I was psyched! Maybe THIS time it would finally be right...

This morning I got up and cut into it...it's grainy. WTF(udge)? I don't understand! It should have worked!!! AAAAAhhhhhh!!! The good news is that it (like always) tastes fantastic. But it's not something I would bring into work to distribute, and it's not something I'll post as my weekly recipe in Boston.

*sigh* Who knew fudge would be my cooking nemesis?

18 comments:

Ivanhoe said...

If this is your only nemesis, I would not worry about it :o)
Who needs fudge anyway...
Have a wonderful weekend, Mags!

Thomas said...

LOL at the WTF(udge) line! You are a funny girl, Mags!

Mags said...

Ivana: Yeah! Who needs fudge anyway!?!?! Stupid fudge! :)

Tommy: Thanks. I giggled at that myself.

Mo said...

effing fudge

Clancy in Idaho said...

LOL! Every superhero needs a nemesis... it keeps a plot going, ya know? SuperMaggie fighting the evil twins Grainy and Soupy Fudge. If you didn't have that we'd all have to hate you because you do everything else in the kitchen with such grace and ease... ;)

I want to try pudding mix in fudge... it may have turned out grainy and you didn't post a pic, but my mouth is still watering. HOW do you tell about your bad cooking experiences and still leave my mouth watering!!??

Desert Songbird said...

Everyone must have at least one nemesis, I suppose. Better that yours is merely a confection, right?

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

i actually don't mind if it is grainy so you can totally send it to me mags! ha ha ha

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Linda said...

You don't need to master fudge - you're the Queen of Brownies! Besides, fudge is too sweet and brownies are much better (at least in my own humble opinion!).

Callie Ann said...

it's probably the damned recipe... I never make grainy or soupy fudge... Callie pats self on back.. could be your ingredients. could be because you live on the west coast... could be you didn't have enough patience when you made it..... could be alot of shit.. could be you should just never make it again... heee heee heee I know i am teesing you ... happy day girl

Callie Ann said...

E#XCUSE ME I meant the EAST COAST DORK alert for Callie

Mags said...

Thanks for all of your support everyone. LOL...it's helped me come to terms with my failure. ;)

Callie: It's not the recipe-I've tried tons, not the ingredients b/c I don't use old ones not crappy ones, not the patience either-I actually time everything down to the second AND use a thermometer...it's just...I don't do fudge. *shrug* Oh well. Thanks though DORK!

Rocketstar said...

ooooohhhhhh fuuuuudge

Bond said...

Ah your Achilles heel as it were...she was a pro in the kitchen, until she came up against FUDGE (cue scary music)...and fudge kicked her a**

Lois Grebowski said...

But I'll bet your cheesecake is great! Leave the fudge for others and do something else well...

katherine. said...

maybe you actually need to sing the song while making the fudge???

Marilyn said...

Every fudge I ever ate, that didn't come from a candy store, was grainy. Not that I mind. Sugar and chocolate is always just right.

Travis said...

I don't mind the graininess of it as long as it tastes good.

crazy working mom said...

I'll take the "bad" fudge. I'm sure it's way better than anything that I could make!!!