Friday, April 04, 2008

It's In the Bank

You never get a "do over".  Not really. If you find yourself in an awkward situation and you've walked away, you can't just turn around and say, "Wait a minute-let's rewind and do that again."  You can't take back an over-reaction or a misplaced comment.  Nor can you take back a bad decision or a miscalculation of trust.
 
You can try to fix them, but you can never truly take them away. 
 
In the back of your head you'll always remember and it's likely that they will too.  It's a shame, because every time you have a human moment that requires a do-over, it seems like it takes a point away from your invisible but very real "I like you" bank.
 
Some people are millionaires because of their ILYB and others are paupers, forced to wait until someone is kind enough to see past their flaws-who will put a penny in their cup so that they can hang onto one last strand of hope.  Those of us who fall in the middle sometimes long for the wealth and security that the millionaires experience, but also the simplicity of the pauper.  The pauper, you see, looks out for them self because really, they have no one else to depend on.
 
In times of a recession the middle class banks feel tight and restrained and pine over the good old days when friends were overflowing like fine champagne.  They sit around with the phone in their hands trying to recall the numbers of the people they once knew, knowing that they can't really dial those numbers because they don't have enough in the bank to cover the call.

In a booming economy they are careless with friends and take advantage of the freedom they can afford, forgetting about those ordinary friends who stuck by them when times were tough.  Instead, they focus on the caviar and fine wines and gorge themselves on filet mignon and tiny cakes until the wee hours of morning. 
 
And their banks drain.  And interest rates skyrocket.  And all they are left with are empty bottles and indigestion.
 
And they can't take it back, because the damage is already done.

12 comments:

FRIGGA said...

Wow, that's a really interesting metaphor! Although I'm wondering what even lead you to this...

Happy Friday!! :D

Anonymous said...

I used to think I was the only one that thought about the "friendship bank". I know that I didn't name it that specifically but I've thought many many times about how a simple slip of the tongue or judgement and you can completely destroy a "bank" of friendship. And also the fact that sometimes you want to call an old friend but you dont feel like you have enough invested in the "bank" to justify the call. I'm trying to make more "deposits" in my friendship banks and less withdrawls. And as tough as it is to admit there are some friendship accounts that just need to be closed out for good.

Desert Songbird said...

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I've been burned quite a bit lately, but it seems yours was an incineration.

Hang in there, Mags.

Kat said...

You are so right, you don't get a second chance for a first impression and so it is with trust in the friendship bank.

I hope you are okay and wanted to wish you a good weekend!

katherine. said...

wow...a FOOD analogy....how surprising that you of all people...

no...you can't have "do-overs"

But you can have "try-agains"

that emotional "I like you" account seems to handle withdrawls easier than deposits sometimes...

Lois Grebowski said...

I agree with Katherine, you can have "try-agains"

Hugs, Mags. I don't know what prompted this, but it sounds like you need a hug...

And by the way, You can deposit a whole bunch of "I like yous" from me!

:-D)

Linda said...

I've got to agree with Katherine and Lois, maybe you can't get a "do-over" but you can certainly have a "try-again" and that might replace some of that which has been withdrawn from your bank.

Hang in there, my friend, and consider this to be an extra deposit into your account - {{hugs}}!!

Marilyn said...

One time I wrote a really sappy poem for a boy I had a crush on and then later put a note on his desk telling him to disregard it if he found it offensive. He let me take it back. That was cool.

Rocketstar said...

Very nice. But int he end it shows you who your real friends are.

Mimi Lenox said...

What a relevant post and one I'm sorry you felt you had to make. Friendships can be precarious and the loss of them devastatingly painful. There's nothing as hurtful as a breach of trust.
Take care, Mags. I'm glad you're in my "friendship bank."

Travis said...

Even a "try again" can be tough to pull off. Both parties have to be willing to spend some of that emotional capital.

Your analogy in this post is tremendous, but I'm sorry for the circumstances that inspired it.

Hang in there.

Clancy in Idaho said...

Insightful and poignant. Thanks for the reminder...

Sending love and light to you across miles.