Monday, April 14, 2008

Defeated

I remember my first few weeks at Disney and how much I hated it.  I was homesick, I missed my boyfriend who was back in school in MA and I didn't have any friends (b/c I went down there not knowing a single soul).  Then, one day, I made someone laugh, and we went out to dinner after work.  The next day, we went to the movies with a group of people and after that, dancing at Pleasure Island-and instantly I liked being there.  They told us it would be that way-that almost all of the college program kids started out hating it then you'd be okay with it, and then you'd love it.  I didn't believe them when they were telling me this, but it ended up being true.
 
I'm hoping that happens at the park where I am currently working.
 
Part of my problem is that I have very high expectations for everything.  Because I get so excited about things like location, location, location-I expect the people around me to also be excited to be there.  Because I love being a chef and love all things that have to do with producing food for people to eat, I expect everyone else to be happy about doing that for work too.  And because I am trustworthy, I expect everyone else to be as well.
 
And almost always, I am disappointed.  There are only two people at the park who are as excited as I am to be there-and they don't work in the kitchen with me.  One is the suite attendant I work with and the other is the security guard who stands watch for us outside of our door.  The rest of the people seem to have forgotten that we get to be a part of something magical.  As for being trustworthy, well...I'm quickly finding out that I can only trust the same two people I mentioned above.
 
I don't like having to deal with the us against them thing-especially when the "them" is the people I work closely with on a daily basis, and especially when that includes my supervising chef.  I don't like being an outsider with no one to talk to and I don't like being pushed aside and forced to watch someone less talented get opportunities I am not allowed.
 
Last night I was very sad.  While I stood in my suite and carved tenderloin for my owners and watched the game from the windows in front of me, my heart was heavy as I thought about how the day went.  I was sad to learn that the people I work with don't really care and that they aren't really interested in letting new people in-especially a girl who isn't a supermodel and who isn't 23.  And I was sad that the person I confided in wasn't as trustworthy as I thought he was and that he told my supervising chef what I had said.
 
And I was sad because of the way that chef chose to handle it.
 
I know things aren't going to be perfect, and I know that I have to give it some more time-but it's a lot of hard work and a lot of time being taken out of my life to end up with no true experience under my belt.  Sure, it will look good on my resume.  But to be honest-I don't care about that.  I think that my personality is what gets me the job 99% of the time, not the words on a piece of paper.  If I can't get the opportunity to hone my skills and to learn more, I won't be able to cut it and I'll lose every job I get.
 
It just sucks, ya know?  Being let down by something you thought was going to be awesome, and also, being let down by the people who brought you there in the first place...
 
 

11 comments:

Bond said...

sometimes it is just better to go in - do your job - and go home...and make friends elsewhere

Rocketstar said...

That sucks. You never know who you can trust.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry you're disappointed. I have also found myself completely excited about something yet I look around and the people around me are just sort of going through the motions, no excitment, no enthusiasm. I end up feeling deflated and a bit stupid. If it's any consolation just know that we are all as excited for you as you are to be there. Gain patience and strength from your friends that share your excitement. Don't dilute your feelings to match everyone elses. Enjoy enjoy enjoy. Screw the rest of em!

Lois Grebowski said...

I'm with Bond.

Who knows, maybe the situation will change. In the meantime walk in, do your job, give it your all.

By the way, you sound like you need a hug, so here's one...just for you!

((((Mags))))

FRIGGA said...

I'm sorry sweetie, it really sucks that you confided in someone who then went and blabbed. I hope things get better for you! :)

Mags said...

Bond: Trouble is, that's not my style. An office job is just a job, but a kitchen job is my passion...can't just go through the motions...

Rocket: Indeed, it sucks.

Anon: Thank you. :)

Lois: Thank you for the hug.

Frigga-Thank you! I hope it gets better too...

Travis said...

It can be tough to swim against the grain. But don't let others drain your passion for what you do and where you're doing it. It's bad on them if they don't have a level of excitement for where they work.

This is a tremendous opportunity for you. Maybe your chef supervisor has a closed mind, and maybe there are other chefs there who won't be friends. But you're cooking for your clients and for yourself.

Keep your spirits and your attitude up the best you can. Remember, you genuinely love what you do.

Linda said...

A big hug and a wish for things to be better. I know you love where you're at - I just hope that soon you can love being there and doing what you're doing.

And sometimes, it's sad to say but people can be real shits no matter what good things we want to believe about them.

Chin up - you'll do great, I know you will!

Marilyn said...

I hate office politics. I hope it gets better. You've worked hard for this.

crazy working mom said...

Mags, maybe you can make them see things the way you do! Maybe all it will take is for you to keep your positive, upbeat attitude and it'll rub off on others. :)

Just don't be a "crap magnet".

Callie Ann said...

OH Mags sweetie,, Pull out your patience card. That is what this one will take. People our Azzez all over the place. Your turn will come just be Patient. I know I hate it when peeps tell me to be patient also. It makes me want to tell them to F**k OFF.
Love ya girl
Callie