Friday, May 18, 2007

Pop Quiz!

Take my quiz yo-it's over on the side bar!
~
How well do you know me? The time has come to prove your devotion.
~
Or lack there of. ;)
~
Have a FANTASTICALLY AWESOME WEEKEND!

And The Flowers & The Trees...

I never had “the talk” with my parents. No one ever sat me down and explained the birds and the bees and certainly did not explain what a “cherry” was or how it got popped. The only life lessons I had were given to me by other 10 year olds who sat in the back of the bus, and a health lesson from our male gym teacher.

Oh-there was a “seminar” for those of us who were Girl Scouts, but it involved an uptight nurse (down boys) and glass jars filled with red water to simulate how much blood we’d lose.

Overall, not very effective.

Because my parents did not talk openly about sex with me, I felt embarrassed whenever the subject would come up around me with various other adults. And watching movies with my parents was the worst. Especially in the 80’s with all that teased hair and pink lace.

In an attempt to give me a little bit of education, my mother did pepper my childhood with embarrassing moments such as these:

…5 minutes prior to me leaving for the bus stop.

Momma Mags: “Yesterday Tiffany was singing ‘Like a Virgin’. Do you know what a virgin is?”

Me: (Scoffing, Red Faced) “YES! GOD MOM!”

Enter my (then) much-hated father…

Momma Mags: (Knowing I was lying) “It’s a person who hasn’t had sex yet.”

Me: “I’m gonna be late.”

~Or~

Momma Mags: “Do you know what this song is saying?”

Thinking to myself: Duh!

Me: (Out loud) “Yeah”

Momma Mags: “Really? What are they saying?”

Pause

Momma Mags: “They’re saying PEnis…I’m your PENIS.”

Me: “Oh”


Yes, there were people around then too. Now that I know that she was wrong (It’s I’m your VEnus) I think I should have been more embarrassed for her.

Then there was the time when there was a TV special called “Babies Having Babies”. A week before, my mother told me that I was to watch this with her and my father.

Talk about HELL.

Though I don’t remember the movie, I do remember how mortified I was to be watching a movie about teens having sex and then having babies with my mother AND my father. And to this day whenever I hear the song “I Want To Know What Love Is” by Foreigner, I still cringe. (It was the theme song for the movie)

Yes, my parents lacked the skills needed to properly educate their daughters about the birds and the bees-but I’m still thankful I didn’t have the parents who actually had sex in front of their child to show them what it was all about. (True story)

If I saw that-I’d never want to know what love is. And I’d NEVER want you to show me.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

(Not My) Beautiful Words

"Once upon a time there was a boy who lived in a house across the field from a girl who no longer exists. They made up a thousand games. She was Queen and he was King. In the autumn light, her hair shone like a crown. They collected the world in small handfuls. When the sky grew dark they parted with leaves in their hair.

Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering."

I love that last line...


From The History of Love by Nicole Krauss

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Cell Phones

If Jack & Jill went up the hill with cell phones all a chatter,
When Jack fell down and broke his crown,
Jill could have reported the splatter...
8)

The other day I encountered a situation in which I truly thought "What did I do before I had a cell phone?" Yes, they are mildly annoying-mainly when people abuse them and use them in movie theaters or fine dining establishments. But they are also helpful, and save people time and I am sure, heartaches...
*
Imagine if Romeo was able to call Juliet when she didn't arrive as planned.
*
Or if Dorothy could call Aunti Em from Oz-she certainly would have enjoyed herself a whole heck of a lot more! And the Wicked Witch would have no power if the fire department was just a phone call away...
*
I know we survived without cell phones, and did so quite effortlessly. But the convenience and security of being able to call someone immediately if you break down on a dark lonely road is something I feel good about. There were many times when I was young when I didn't have a quarter (or, more accurately-a dime) to call home and my collect calls would not get accepted. Other times, I'd be sitting in the dark after drama club waiting for a ride home, not knowing if I was 5 minutes from being picked up or an hour from being picked up.
*
It wasn't life or death, but not feeling stranded means a lot to me.
*
I was a late bloomer when it comes to having a cell phone. The only reason I even purchased one was because I had just had Jamie arrested and was afraid that he'd corner me somewhere and hurt me again. Having the ammunition of being able to call the Po Po was enough for me to convert.
*
But I can tell you for sure-a check engine light or a gas tank on "E" isn't as scary to me now as it once was.
*
How do you feel about cell phones? Are they a necessity or a luxury?

Randomivity

Sometimes stomach cramps mean you ate too much broccoli-other times, it's a precursor to a bad, bad time.

Sleeping until 4:30 PM everyday is a good indication that you are sick. So is being able to go back to sleep for the night at 9:00 PM.

If you are feeling a little better, it is NOT a good idea to mow your lawn. Especially if said lawn is almost knee high and wet.

Having a cut on your nose hurts like a bastard.

Trying to find someone to buy a pearl necklace is like trying to find someone to buy dirty underwear. Only there are sicko's out there who would buy the underwear.

When you are piss poor, you discover just how creative you are...

I'm at work today, but feel like I could sleep until 4:30 again. 8(

When you are sick you have really weird dreams....like being brought flowers with roots still on them.

I have that weird detached feeling going on right now-the one where you seem like you're floating outside of your body...ugh.

Wordless Wednesday


Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Toosdae ?'s

Hi everyone-I'm still feeling VERY under the weather and am hoping that today will be the day my tummy feels better...have fun answering today's questions. I look forward to reading your answers!

1. You can choose between an ice cream cone, a sundae, or a banana split. We have every flavor imaginable and endless toppings. What will your order be?

2. You are the owner of a store with a restroom that is kept locked and patrons must come to you for a key, what have you attached the key to in order to insure that it’s always returned?

3. If you could own any pet depicted as a character on a television show, which one would you choose?

1. My choice would be: Soft serve vanilla ice cream from Carvel in a dish with broken sugar cones and strawberries topped with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles.

2. A beeper with a sensor in it that would play "It's a Small World" over and over again until it was returned to the desk. Ain't no one (even my crazy Disney friends) gonna take that sucker home!

3. I would choose Flipper. Not only would it be cool to have a rescue dolphin as a pet, but that would mean I lived by the water. And I'd never had to worry about getting my foot stuck in the chain around my buried treasure.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Flogelled

Hi guys-sorry I'm late today...I'm not feeling very well and have been in the bathroom and bed for most of the morning. I think it has to do with how hard I worked yesterday.

Lesson: Mother's Day is CRIZAZY at a private country club.

Cool thing: I got to work an omelet station on a buffet line. 8)

Weird: The guy who is going to be running the snack bar is a nice guy, but also an idiot.

At the beginning of the day I made platters for the buffet line-something I'm really good at and I usually get some "OOOO's" and "AAAH's". Same thing happened here. It's funny to me because it seems so basic-put the stuff on the platter in a pretty way. Apparently that's not how it happens. In any case, the Executive Chef came by and gave me his nod of approval and I overheard him say that I did a nice job on the platters.

Then the Sous Chef came by and asked how I'd feel if they threw me "to the wolves" and put me on a station on the buffet line. You know me-I was all about it. So, for hours and hours I worked at the omelet station making fancy pants omelets for rich people. I had a blast.

Something weird though-they have a chopping station at the salad bar. They build their salad and then ask you to chop it. Talk about being lazy. They can't pick up a fork and cut their salads?! I didn't really care, except that I was working omelets and the chop guy kept disappearing so I'd have to do both...and the salad people were rude.

After that we had to break down the buffet and turn it for the private party we were having in an hour. So we did that and I was volunteered to be a runner. So I went from the kitchen in the back carrying hot hotel pans full of food to the buffet line up front where I'd take the old food and replace it.

A never ending circle of hot food and running. Needless to say, at the end of the night, I was flogelled. By the time I got home, I could barely walk because my legs and feet hurt so much. I took a nice hot shower, some Tylenol and a sleeping pill and put my feet up on the couch. As soon as I felt the sleepies coming, I got into bed and slept through the night.

When I woke up though, I was still tired, my stomach was really upset and my head was pounding. So I called in sick, stayed in bed until Noon and ate some cereal. I'm still tired, but I have to study and shower....

Overall, it was a fantastic Sunday. 8)