*Update* $4800 to waterproof the basement. Looks like I'm calling the regular old plumber.
**2nd Update: I now have heat. He had to almost rebuild the whole thing, but not entirely. I have no idea how much it will cost. I have a plumber coming on Monday, but in the mean time, I'm dealing with ALOT of ground water that is still draining. It requires me to basically be in my basement every hour.
I'm ashamed of my weakness and anger, but they are true feelings. I'm in a better place now, after getting some dinner and walking around a bit.
Tomorrow will be better.
*******It's funny how things change.
There was a time right after the whole Jamie thing blew up where I was just grateful to be alive and to be free.
What? My house was torn apart and trashed? NO PROBLEM!
All of my nice jewelry (including my grandmother's charm bracelet) was stolen? NO PROBLEM!
I am alone and have no one to love? NO PROBLEM!
There were days when the joy inside of me was so great that I would be moved to tears. Literally. I'd see the way the sun danced on the trees and I'd cry. The snow seemed more magnificent than I ever remembered and everything tasted fantastic.
I'm not sure when I stopped feeling that way on a daily basis again, but I really miss it.
Sometimes, I wonder why I allow myself to get excited about getting ahead. I should know by now, it's not my lot in life to live easily. I have to fight for everything. My happiness depends on me focusing on what I want and fighting until I have nothing left.
And then maybe I get it.
I was feeling more upbeat than usual lately. I got my tax return back and was able to pay off the lien that was placed on my house. I paid a few medical bills that were in collections and also paid off my sister who was kind enough to lend my money.
I was even looking forward to possibly being able to buy contacts.
And then, on top of that freedom, I am being paid a lot of money for the catering job I am doing next week. This money was going to be used to partially fix my basement and patch a leak in my roof.
All of these things make my heart a little lighter, and my smile a little brighter.
Today, however, I was slapped with the realization that it's not going to be that easy. My basement flooded again.
Badly.
So bad, that it went up over my furnace (again) and knocked it out. The last flood is what started my whole financial trouble in the first place. The bill was $1000.
Luckily, I had a scheduled appointment with basement people, and hopefully he pump the water out faster and install a new sump pump for me. But then I have to worry about heat.
I don't have any.
And won't until they come fix my furnace. If they have to rebuild the entire thing again, I'm in trouble.
I'm telling myself this isn't the end of the world. I know this. I do. But these are the things that overwhelm me and make me feel the despair that often communicate to those who are closest.
I can tell you that if I was floundering before about selling my home, it is now a done deal. It will be on the market this spring, no matter if I move to Boston or if I stay in CT. This house and I are breaking up.
Send me warm thoughts. I'm going to need them tonight.