During my freshman year in college I became a “Big Sister” in my hometown’s elementary school. I drove home early on a Friday afternoon and arrived in time for their after school program.
At the time, I was an Elementary Education major and was all about making a difference in a child’s life. (I still feel that way, just not in the same platform.) I was always good with children and would often be the one playing with them when other “adults” were drinking coffee and bull shitting around the table. This was right up my alley. Not only was I going to get a chance to play, but also I was volunteering my time, and building my resume.
The program was set up in such a way that both girls and boys stayed after school and older students would come to play with them. We were all mixed together-the boys and the girls-but each child was given a same-sex “sibling”.
On my first Friday, traffic was a bear. And not an “I just had a lot of honey and am happy and sleepy” kind of bear. No, this was another type of bear altogether-the kind that rips curious hunters apart and ends up on YouTube. You get the picture-traffic, was a bear…
I was 30 minutes late to arrive at the school. The teachers were understanding, and overall, very nice. I have a sneaking suspicion it was because I attended this elementary school and so did my 2 little sisters. In fact, one of them still attended. In any event, everyone was already paired up with a child by the time I arrived, and so I got the last “pick”.
Kyle was small, skinny and had unkempt black hair and deep, expressive brown eyes. She wore jeans and an oversized sweatshirt in the color of navy blue. Her plain white sneakers were gray and flopped open because they were untied.
I thought she was a boy.
We bonded quickly and enjoyed playing bingo, reading stories and making crafts. The semester flew by, and before I knew it, my time with Kyle was up. I was sad, but also grateful that I had the time to meet with him (her) every week, and was happy that we had so much fun.
I was thrilled when the teacher called me at school to tell me that Kyle had a present for me and asked if I could come back the following week.
Now, I know that you all are waiting for a dramatic ending-whether happy or sad. You want me to tell you that Kyle is studying to become a teacher or that we kept in touch over all of these years. Or, perhaps your mind is tragic and you’re waiting for me to tell you that I never received the gift because Kyle was killed the next day.
The truth is, I don’t know what happened to Kyle. I hope that she did indeed succeed and that her life is a happy one. I simply do not know.
What I can tell you is that when I arrived at the school the following Friday, I was met by a gigantic hug (It was ok to hug kids back then) and a smile that made my heart soar. To me, that was a present all in itself. (In fact, I don’t even remember what was in that little box.)
I beamed at my little brother (sister) and thanked him (her) while hugging him (her) and telling him (her) how much I would miss him (her).
Are you seeing where I am going with this?
Before we left, I said, “Kyle-you were the best little brother I’ve ever had!”
And her little eyes sank. And her smile faded. And she said, “I’m a girl.”
I tried to play it off like I was only teasing her-but really-what little girl who looks like a boy is going to buy that? None. Already the little faker, she plastered a fake smile onto her little freckled face and batted away her tears, giving me a quick hug before running out the door to meet her real siblings.
Before leaving, her mother thanked me for being so kind to Kyle, and for giving her something to look forward to each week. She told me that Kyle talked about me constantly and that I was a wonderful role model. And then she told me not to worry about making the mistake-everyone does.
That made me feel worse. I should have picked up on the fact that Kyle liked crafts or that she wasn’t mad that she got stuck with a big sister instead of a big brother, like most other 2nd grader boys would have. But I didn’t, and I couldn’t change it, so I just appreciated that even though I made that mistake, Kyle still had fun with me on Friday’s and hoped that she’d remember those times, instead of bad one.