Thursday, July 05, 2007

Enter Sandman

Please scroll down for today's Top Chef edition

Dear Mr. Sandman (You Mutha Fuckin’ Bastard),

Hello. Let me introduce myself. My name is Maggie Moo and I’d like to talk 2 U. I would like to know why you have stopped visiting me. Was it something I said? Do you not like me sheets?

Do my pajamas offend you?

I am very confused, Mr. Sandman, because you are supposed to “Bring me a dream”. Every night I close my eyes, say my prayers like a good girl, and wait.

And wait.

And…wait. And every night I am disappointed because you skip my house and leave me tossing and turning, sleepless and tired dropping only when the sun starts to rise.

Is it that you run out of magic sand before you get to my street? Perhaps you can plan ahead of time from now on. I’d be willing to barter some of that magic dust of yours for….let’s say, chocolate chip cookies. Or lemon tarts. Or whatever little sand-throwing gnome-like men eat.

I’m in. I’m game. Just bring me that magic sand.

Lull me to sleep. Make a friggin sandcastle in my eyes. I don’t care. Load ‘em up…I can take it. Pretend like it’s a day at the beach.

But please….enter Sandman.

Your friends and loyal supporter,

Maggie Moo

PS. If you choose to ignore this request, I will have the Boogie Man kick your ass.


Asara said...


That sandman is a picky sonofabitch. He'll knock me out, but completely skip over hubby.. I have no idea why. I hope you can get things figured out so you can get some sleep, I know how important it is for you!

John Kaiser said...

Sounds like my wife. lol.

C-Unit said...

Ya know, I got plenty of sleep last night and I am falling asleep at my desk right now. Whats goin on???

Danielle said...

Sandman sucks.

Side note: when I was getting my psych degree we were studying sleep in one of the classes. I'll never forget one of the things that the professor said:

"If you're having trouble sleeping, get OUT of your bed. If you continue to stay in your bed when you can't sleep, your mind will slowly stop associating bed = sleeping."

I try to get up, read a book or watch TV, and get a glass of milk. I don't know if those are things that might help. Also, if you've got a lot on your mind, you could try to "vent" it out by journaling it in your kitchen or something.

:( Good luck, and I hope you get some good rest soon.

Brian in Mpls said...

I really want to see your pajamas now;)

If you ever can't sleep look me up on msn messanger I am usually up late these days

Claire said...

Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, you are feeling sleepy, sleepy, sleepy!

Linda said...

It must be a Connecticut thing, Mags, as the little SOB hasn't been stopping by my house either! I've even given him an advantage by popping a couple pills with an alcohol chaser and still the little bastard avoids my house like the plague!

Maybe he's on vacation in another part of the country??

Mags said...

Asara: Yup. He sucks. I finally took a sleeping pill at 4am and called into work...and I only slept for 4 hours!! But I went back to bed and slept again. Thankfully.

John: I feel bad for your wife!!

C-Unit: I'm not sure what's going on. Try doing some jumping jacks. LOL...

Danielle: Thank you for the advice. I do try to get up if I can't sleep and I'm just tossing and turning. But then I feel sleepy again and go back and it doesn't work. Hence, me being up until 4am on a workday. Ick.

Brian: ;) Mmmuaaahhh! And also, I will def look you up if this keeps happening. But you'll get me all rhiled up and I won't be able to sleep again.

Claire: That reminds me of when I was little and we'd try to hypnotize each other. It didn't work, but we'd always pretend it would.

Linda: Lots of people COME to Ct for vacation. The jerk could have at least hooked us up prior to leaving though...

Morgen said...

You know, since I've had this throat/ear infection thing, I've been taking nyquil to help me sleep. Last night, I thought I'm going to bed early, I'll just read 'til I'm tired.
I went to bed @ 9pm and read 'til 2am!!!! Mr Sandman wouldn't visit me, either!
Tonight, I'm chasing 2 tylenol pm with a shot of nyquil, dammit!

On a serious note: did you look into the Valerian?

Mags said...

Mo, is Valerian a sleepaid? If so, no. I haven't. I can't take anything like that on a regular basis until I'm done with school. I don't have 8 hours between coming home and sleeping yet, and won't be able to wake up in the morning.

22 days...then I'll ask the doctor for help with that too. Although next week I start my new meds and he's thinking they might help me sleep too...we'll see.

Keep your fingers crossed!

the108 said...

The Sandman's magic dust can be found inside a dissolvable little capsule of Benedryl :-)

crazy working mom said...

What a funny post, of luck. Hope he takes your request seriously. I know I would!
That boogy man is nothing to play around with.

Marilyn said...

Does the boogy man really do your bidding?

Dina D'Alessandro said...

From one insomniac to another, I feel your pain.

Travis said...

Your best bet might be Tylenol PM. It's not a sleep aid and it does have the pain meds that you probably don't need, but it will at least relax you so maybe you can lull yourself to sleep.

Insomnia sucks.

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

He skips me all the time to. I'm not very happy with him either.