Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Simple Suggestions

Here are some handy dandy suggestions for people who want to have fun on dates that probably won't work out anyway...

  • Act as though you have Tourette's Syndrome. Begin speaking normally, carrying on an intelligent conversation, but randomly mix it up by barking or screaming things like, "I like peas!".
  • Only go on dates in a slightly drunken state. That way, you will be all giggles and grins, no matter how bad they are. And, if they turn out to be a winner, you'll already know if they are nurturing...after all, someone has to wipe up your drool when you get old.
  • Wear an eye patch. If they ask you how you lost your eye, simply reply: "What are you talking about?"
  • Strategically place a fake (hairy) mole on your face. See how long they can overlook it.
  • Refer to yourself in the third person. As yourself (out loud) if you think your date is good enough to go out with again. Answer honestly. No one likes a liar.
  • Consult your imaginary friend before answering all questions. Disagree on at least two on them.
  • When in doubt, stare at their left ear. If there is nothing to talk about, at least they will be self conscious about what it is you are staring at.
  • Ask them how they feel about human GPS systems, and more importantly, where would they like you to implant their microchip?

Following these simple suggestions may not find you the love of your life, but at least you'll have something to tell the kids when they come over to play with all of the cats...


Skittles said...

You crack me up :)

OrioleGal9 said...

some of those are hideous!!!!

Mark Base said...

Boy, am I glad I'm now in a relationship. These kinds of gangs got a bit tiring!

Mags said...


I wouldn't REALLY do any of these!

EC said...

LOL - I would love to try some of these things out!