Restaurant Quote of the Weekend

"You know that means 'boobs' right?"

Said by me in response to PRMan01 affectionately calling me "bosom".

He liked the pet name better when he know the real meaning. I should have known...

Shave and a Haircut

In my ongoing quest for the best, I played a game of chance. Sounds risky, sounds a little, "living on the edge and burning my bras" doesn't it?

Relax. It was only a quiz.

"What's your physical age compared to your actual?" It asked all sorts of questions ranging from "How often do you floss your teeth?" to having me list all of my extra-curricular activities.

Well. Not ALL of them...

The results were alarming. Based on my stress level, lack of sleep, lack of exercise and the fact that I don't eat vegetables 25 times a day, my body thinks I'm 35. Good thing my soul doesn't!

The best part was the "solution" to getting back to my real age:

"Seriously consider getting a dog."

Seriously.

And that's all it said. Nothing about getting more sleep...taking more vitamins, losing weight or exercising.

Just that I should seriously consider getting a dog.

Those of you who know me, know that while I love animals and the thought of a puppy, I am not the girl to own one until I have a partner.

And also, God's trying to tell me something, as the recent past shows: My cat ran away 2 weeks ago, and never came back.

At least the quiz was good for a chuckle. That should've shaved off 6 months, no?

Nothing

Do you know how many bubbles there are in a single bottle of champagne?

It's an actual number, actually scientificially measured and tested. The number?

2500 in each bottle.

Now, we don't know if the testing was done before or after the champagne was consumed...

If I haven't mentioned it before: I love culinary school.

After our practcal we had a small lecture and then a tasting...2 different champagnes, slowly sipped while we sat around and chatted. Yes, we talked about the flavor, but mostly we just talked and got to be ourselves.

A rare occassion when we drank with our chef, laughing and chatting...lovely.

And I know I'm bragging, but I feel it's brag-worthy: 99.4 on a practical while others are points away...AND I was done first-by at least 20 minutes.

And on another subject all together...
Is it considered harassment if people call your house 15 times a day and hang up with the answering machine picks up? Even if they are bill collectors?

How about if, after my new message, the message I got was, "Hey Ms. ----, if you'd just pay your bills, we'd have no problem." in a weird voice. I wonder if they know I have caller ID.

The thing is, they are "Private Caller" and if they'd just leave me a message telling me who they are and a number to call, I'd call them back. Bitches.

I finally made a good cupcake. It's chocolate with a heavenly white frosting. They looked too plain, so I put some toffee bits on top. I just ate 2.

Two Christmas parties to go to tomorrow, and one on Sunday. I'm only popular this week. After that, I'm back to loserdom.

Today was my mother's birthday. I tried calling her twice from work but their phone doesn't take "telemarketing" calls. So I emailed her and sent an e-card, because she's always on the computer. Apparently she didn't get them b/c I had 2 messages from my little sis telling me my mom was upset.

Give a girl a break, ok? Luckily I got out of school at 9:30 so I called, but before that, I tried calling the house again from a different phone and no one answered. For the love of God...she tires me.

Thank God tomorrow is Friday, no?

Top 3, Bottoms Up

Do you ever have a moment in time where you are lingering somewhere between the "I'm so happy for you" state and the "When will it be my turn?" state?

It doesn't happen to me often. When good things happen to the people I love, my heart truly explodes with happiness for them. And rarely do I feel jealous or spiteful-in fact, the last time I remember being truly jealous of something that happened to a friend was in 2000. Sure, there are things I wish I had or could do, but they weren't jealous moments in my life.

I recently got some fantastic news from a friend on the West Coast-and I am ashamed to say, I was jealous. Perhaps it's because she lives that elusive "cool girl" city life that I've always wanted, or because we were both "equal" when she visited, and somehow, she's pulled away and made it to the final stretch.

Whatever the case, I am very happy for her. But you know me, I like lists, and goals and things to motivate me when my mind wanders and I forget that I'm supposed to be motivated.

Not knowing what exactly it was that I was searching for, I typed in the words: "How to make your life better".

And I'm pissed. You want to know why? The very first word that popped up is:

Marriage

Not only that-the 2nd and 3rd ranking results have to do with marriage too. Marriage is not the only way to make your life better. It just can't be.

Yes, I want to get married again someday and have children. But I can't see myself getting married for at least 2 years. At least-and the only way that number changes is if I step into a fairy tale and an ugly ogre (read: prince with spell over him) rings my doorbell because he needs shelter from the rain.

I know it's the American dream. I have it too. But it's disheartening for a single, 30-year old woman to see that the top 3 search results are marriage.

It's not the only way.

Instead, I've made my own list:

1. Surround yourself with people who appreciate you, who make you laugh, and who would be most likely to step in front of a bus for you.

2. Step in front of a bus for those people.

3. Laugh out loud at everything that makes you laugh. Don't stifle the giggle. The giggle doesn't like to be stifled.

4. Be whimsical whenever possible. Even if Especially if it makes you look silly.

5. Drink lots of water. I don't know why, but it helps.

6. Take pride in being the best at what you do. If you aren't the best at what you do, take pride at doing the best you can. Even if that means coming in last.

7. Take the time to notice the little things that make people wonderful-the hidden smiles, a mischievous sparkle in their eyes or the way a friend makes 3 hours seem like 5 minutes.

8. Hug a kid. Make them shower you with kisses. Make them laugh so hard you think they might need diapers again. Play Hungry, Hungry Hippos until your fingers fall off. Sing songs and paint pictures. But only do it if you know the kid. If not, you should be reading another list.

9. Do what you love. If you aren't doing what you love, take a step in that direction.

10. Thank God for the things you do have. It's nice to give thanks instead of always asking for more.

What you've done all of these things, then you can work on the marriage part. Or not. Just make sure you keep your smile.

Randomivity

2:21 and 4:44-2 specific times I remember looking at the clock this morning while I was not sleeping.

7:20-the time I got out of bed and threw on clothes to get to work.

I feel like I got hit my a truck.

No greeting throw me off.

My answering machine message worked on the company I wanted it to. After 2 days of calling with the new message, someone finally left one. She doesn't sound nice, and only said it's about a "business matter" which really means, "We're going to yell at you for not paying our bill".

One ice chip-ok. A handful-not ok.

Fresh guacamole is a great idea-as long as you don't stick your butt in my face when you're making it.

It's weird to be the confidant for a teacher. Especially when it's such a personal matter.

1 more week of school until my 2 week vacation from school. Boy do I need it.

Jumbled head=jumbled blogs. Sorry.

Toosdae ?'s

1. Have you ever bought someone a gift and liked it so much that you either bought one for yourself or kept the present instead of giving it? If so, what was it.

2. What would you rather have for breakfast: a) Ham & eggs with toast b) Grits and sausage c) Pancakes and Syrup

3. Tell me 2 lies and a truth.

1. Yes. I've bought jewelry for my friends and liked it so much I kept it. Also, Bath & Body Works lotions-one in particular I kept in college because I got into a fight with my roommate and ended up not giving her anything.

2. Ham & Eggs with toast (rye) but if I'm in the mood, nothing beats pancakes and syrup.

3.
A: Yesterday I caught my neighbor looking in one of my windows. He watches the whole neighborhood so he knows my schedule, and I came home early, obviously surprising him.

B: Once, while working at Disney, a man offered me $500 for a training pin I had on my vest. I didn't take his offer.

C: When our rental car broke down on the highway during our trip to the Mojave Desert, we were so thirsty that we had to drink our own urine. We were rescued 5 hours later and would have been severely dehydrated had we not taken that plunge.

...Know which one's real?

My Tummy Hurts. Bad

I know you all won't sympathize with me, but a downfall to culinary school is too much good food.

My tummy hurts. Bad.

We started the fish section tonight, and made lobster thermador, stuffed scallops and potato risotto.

My tummy hurts. Bad.

It's the kind of hurt where you want to curl up in a ball and lay on your bed while someone rubs your head to make you forget. 8(

Watermellon

I typed in the word "angry" under the images section of Google and this picture showed up.

Yeah, I'd be angry if that happened to me too...


The real post for today is below, this is just me blowing off steam:

I'm bored.

I want to use my brain.

I want people to care if I don't wake up in the morning.

And it is making me angry.

Surprise!

Being the type of girlfriend who wanted to make him smile so much his face hurt, I decided to forgo buying groceries for 2 1/2 weeks so I could save my money for a surprise party. I lived off of concierge leftovers and pretzels from the vending machine.

Luckily my apartment was small, and so I could only invite his closest friends-the friends that had slowly become my friends as well: Nelson, Jack, Matthew and Dan.

Because our schedules were so busy, we had one day a week that we spent together for sure, which my friend Martin dubbed "Matt day". On this day, no one else got my attention and no one else got his. Conversely, my other day off was spent with friends, running errands or studying, mainly because his other day off was the day he spent with the boys I mentioned above.

And it was rare that I was invited. This never bothered me, and therefore, I was crowned "The coolest girlfriend ever." by the boys.

I tell you this part of the story because the party was planned on friend day, not Matt day.

Secretly, I contacted all of the boys (who I called "my boys" and every year cooked Thanksgiving dinner for them) and arranged for half of them them to spend the day with Matt before his surprise party and half of them to be waiting for the big "SURPRISE!"

Getting Matt to my apartment would have been hard-like I said, it wasn't my day to be with him, and almost anything I would say would get grumbles and push back until I would give up.

That's why I called him in a panic, telling him someone had broken into my apartment.

I had just moved into this new apartment, and it was in a bad section of town. It was my first apartment alone, and it wasn't uncommon for me to be scared. It was the best excuse to get him over I could have used.

The best part of this story to me is how Matt entered my apartment-with a big LOG hidden behind his back, peering around the door like a coward with a crazy ass scared look on his face!

Granted, he knew I was in the apartment-and so I would have already been dead if someone was in there-but he grabbed anything he could find outside before coming in-in case someone was hiding in the closets.

The picture is priceless, and still makes me giggle when I see it.

With the exception of him yelling at me in front of everyone to never do that again, he was extremely happy about the party, and it went off without a hitch.

And I'm not ashamed to say that it's one of my favorite Matt stories because in it, I get the best of him. ;)

Tinsel Town

My camera's dying and I don't have batteries to put in it, so these are a bit fuzzy...but, my house is officially Christmastized.

I hate my tree topper, but I can't afford a new star this year, and so, the ugly angel stays. I do like how the picture makes it look like she's holding a heart of light...and look! My deer are back. I didn't put them out last year for some reason...this picture is taken from inside my house, b/c I didn't want to look like a major geek.

And all of the presents-minus 1-is wrapped and under the tree.

Oh how I love Christmas!