Friday, November 03, 2006

Ten People, Many Blogs

Owl borrowed this idea, and I liked it so much that I am borrowing it too...the rules are:

"LIST TEN THINGS YOU WANT TO SAY TO TEN PEOPLE YOU KNOW, BUT NEVER WILL FOR WHATEVER REASON. DON'T SAY WHO THEY ARE. USE EACH PERSON ONLY ONCE."

If you would like to also post these, you are welcome and encouraged to do so in my comments section, or on your own blogs. If you use your blogs, leave me a comment letting me know so I can come by and read them!

1. You made me feel good about myself even though everything else was in shambles. You reminded me that I was smart, pretty, creative and worth proving him wrong. But friendship is more than an air mattress. It's consistency and work and letting me in on your dark secrets just like I let you in on mine. You couldn't do it and it makes me sad.

2. If only. We can't live on 'if onlys' but I have shed bucket loads of them for you. I miss you.

3. You never said, "I'm sorry" for what you did. I think it's why I can't let go, even though things are better. They say actions speak louder than words, but sometimes, words need to be heard in order to coax the heart into healing itself.

4. Why is it you show up at the worst times? You're like a leech that sucks the good out of everything. And what's worse, is that you only do it because you know times are good or that you have nothing better going on with your life. If we talked, I would tell you to grow up and to stop being such a snob. And also, to stop using people's emotions to stroke your own ego.

5. I still look for you. I still wonder why you chose me. I still get defensive when someone raises their voice. And you are probably still doing it to someone else. You don't deserve to live and God sees through your "holiness".

6. I know you talked about me behind my back all of the time. It hurt because I would have done anything for you. I was the one who took care of you when everyone else was having fun because unlike you, I really cared. That is why I do not keep in touch.

7. Sometimes I feel guilty because I don't miss you or think about you until I am reminded. Because I am supposed to miss you because I've known you my whole life. But you don't know who I am because you do not listen and you are controlling. Controlling people does not mean love.

8. You could have told me before I went under. And by the way, making me eat General Tso's Chicken directly out of surgery was the most inconsiderate and selfish thing you ever did to me. Especially because I told you I wanted soup because my jaw hurt.

9. You didn't have to be such a bitch. Your children are supposed to grow up and form relationships and being jealous was not healthy. You were mean and you made me feel inferior and unworthy and it really hurt my self esteem back then. I hope you know how that strained what could have been perfection.

10. I'm sorry I can't be more involved. It's in my make up, it's ingrained in my soul. I lived in a cave until 1994 and going back puts me back in there. That's why it's in small doses. I hope someday you will all understand.

There are a billion more words I can write on some of these. But sometimes, too many words is bad.

God

Some of you may have read this article about the prayer letters that washed up on the Jersey Shore recently.

I wish it was never written.

First, God doesn't need a letter opener. The fact that the words spilled onto the page is enough. In fact, words weren't even necessary. But some people don't think the way I do. And an unopened letter is an unopened letter, and therefore, their prayers are not heard.

I hope that instead of reading the article and feeling like the pastor they were written to neglected the prayers, that people will realize that instead, God is listening.

Afterall, the letters did end up near Atlantic City...perhaps a certain someone will wander there to find his letter and end up winning $50,000-twice.

No one ever said He doesn't have a sense of humor...

The Price is Wrong Bitch!

On the way to work yesterday I heard a DJ interviewing Jay-Z. A couple of weeks ago, I heard about how he visited Africa and was so moved by the poverty and disease, that he brought water to them in the form of wells.

In the interview, he mentioned that he paid for 10 of them, and raised money for something like 1000 more.

Here's the thing. There are areas in the rural South in AMERICA-your own country-where conditions are just as bad. There are children who are hungry here, there are frozen little finger and toes to clothes, books to be bought and heck-housing needed-for thousands, if not millions of Americans.

Why are you all trying to fix other countries? Why are you adopting children from far away lands when our orphans-who will intimately be turned out into the world when they come of age-are waiting for someone to love them?

Our schools need books, paper, pencils-even four square balls. Our teachers need retraining, higher pay, updated computers.

There are children here who need cures-who need homes, and who need clean water so they can bathe everyday.

Why are you being a hero to people far away? Take care of the people you live with first. Help strengthen our country's moral and help our children build a future so that THEY can help others.


Unrelated: Bob Barker is retiring. That is nuts. Add that to the list of things that will make people my age feel old-when kids stop knowing who Bob is. That's one thing I always wanted to do, but never will...go on the Price is Right.

And yes, I realize I'm a wacko, switching from a serious topic right into a Bob Barker comment. But that's part of my charm, right? ;)

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Chocolat

Yesterday I woke up early, ate breakfast at the table (a rarity) did my hair and it looked great, and even found black socks.

"This is going to be a great day!" I thought to myself...starting a new job, getting the day off on the right foot...

And then a huge rock flew off of the truck in front of me and smashed my windshield.

Smashed may be a little bit of an exaggeration. But there was a BIG chip in the windshield, and it was right in the center. No, there would be no ignoring this blemish. I decided to shrug it off, mainly because I couldn't do anything about it right then and there anyway, and it's already done.
No one is hurt, and I'm pretty sure that my insurance covers the replacement.

A good song comes on, and as I am singing my heart out, I glance at what has now become a snaking crack sitting vertically in the middle of my windshield. It's over a foot long.

The good news is that, indeed, my insurance does cover it and I will have no out of pocket expense. Except for the hour or two I will miss in pay next Saturday when they come to replace the darn thing.

The sick part? I kinda want to push it to see if it will cave...

Oh well, what are you gonna do?

Unrelated altogether-Sniffles the Toothless Wonder was fired from my old job. Congratulations to Megan for sticking it out, and waiting for the bastard to come in drunk. ;)

I got angry at something today that's been on my mind for a while. I think that's a good thing.

Blood results back: Nothing's wrong with me. They always say that. Like the time I woke up bloody and cold on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night because I passed out. Really, sometimes I hate doctors.

The Office from Hell called me today at my new location and told me I had to give them my passwords to the computer I left there. This included my network sign on and my Lotus Notes sign on. These people are really idiots. Do they not realize it's against the law to tell me I have to give them up? Besides, I am using those passwords at my new location.

Also, the message I left for Eunicycle was forwarded back to me in error by her with a memo saying, "I got this message from Mags-I thought you'd like to hear it." Her tone was snotty as if to say, "What a bitch" I think it's funny that she got caught.

I don't suggest ever putting furniture together while watching LOST. I have a very nice new ($20 cheap) bookcase assembled correctly except for the bottom piece, which is upside down. I am not planning on fixing it anytime soon.

To convince myself that I can indeed bake, I made these again, but modified it a bit, and plated it pretty: They even taste good, which might surprise one of you.

Have a Thursday everyone.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Venting

Owl, close your eyes:

Why, mother fucker, WHY?!?!?!?!!?!?

Phew. I feel better. Sometimes just writing down your frustrations helps.

Someone poke Owl and tell him he can read the next post...

New Beginnings and Affirmation

Today I start my new job. I'm excited, and nervous, and hopeful that this will be the one that keeps my interest, meets my needs and ultimately carries me until I can retire from the business world, and morph into the culinary one.

Already, my new boss (who, by the way, is hot) has made an effort to make me feel welcome. On Monday, he called me and asked me to come over to meet everyone.

During my first week at my old location, I sat at my desk alone, with nothing but files and files on the computer and no one to help me figure out what they were, or more importantly, what they wanted me to do with them.

There were days when I thought, "It must be me." and felt like I was a bad person because I didn't fit in there, or that my boss treated me like I didn't exist, until it was time to make me feel bad for his lack of communication.

Tuesday, I got the validation I needed to know that it was not me at all, but it was at the expense of one of my friends.

During the worst part of my tenure in the Office from Hell, I spoke with a manager of operations who asked me to look at the jobs I was doing so that they could better fill my time. They had me log down to the minutes the projects I was doing, as well as who I was doing them for.

I thought this was a good thing. I thought this showed progress. I thought it showed that they were willing to concede that perhaps the position was not what they "sold" me and they were looking to improve it.

I was wrong.

Yesterday, my friend The Good Witch was told that today would be her last day. She was a long term temp, so it is not completely outrageous, however, what is outrageous is that she just recently (within the last 2 weeks) asked her manager what the status of her job was. She wanted to know if she should start looking for a permanent position within the company, or if the one she was doing would go perm.

She was told that her job was not going permanent, but they were keeping her on until January but after that point, they couldn't guarantee anything.

This made her nervous, but she knew it was a temp job, so she started searching the company intranet for job postings. And then she lost her job.

The reason? The new girl-the one who's taking my place-is going to do The Good Witches job too. And they know that the new girl will have time, because I researched it for them, in detail.

Lousy, sneaky, backhanded mother fathers these people are. Why could they just not say to TGW that they can't predict what's going to happen, but they are looking into getting a new person to do both jobs.

At least then she wouldn't have been blindsided. At least then she wouldn't have bought a plane ticket to Louisiana to see her daughter because she could use that money for food.

At least then, they would have proven they weren't the slimy creatures I thought they were and I would have been wrong.

But I'm not. And I'm so completely happy to be moving into a department that hopefully will be filled with less slime.

Wish me luck!

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Listerine

I just learned the hard way that you should never put Listerine in your mouth when you are going to the bathroom.

Ever.

That is all.

Toosdae ?'s

Hi everyone! Sorry it's a little late today-I took a vacation day today and used the opportunity to sleep a little later. 8) Answer away!

1. You're out to dinner and have ordered: A steak with mashed potatoes and broccoli. When the server sets the plate in front of you, the steak is on the left (10 o'clock position) the potatoes are on the right (2 o'clock position) and the broccoli is on the bottom (5 o'clock position). Do you rotate the plate at all, or eat it the way it's been set down? If you move it, where does the steak end up?

2. Do you tend to get revenge on people who have wronged you? If so, what have you done. If not, how come?


3. You are upset/angry/sad. What are you more likely to reach for? (A.) A bag of oreos/cookies (B.) A bag of chips/pretzels (C.) Alcohol (D.) A book (E.) The phone

1. I tend to like my meat on the right hand side of th plate, so I rotate it until it ends up at about 4 or 5 o'clock. I'm not entirely sure why, it's just something I've always done.

2. No. I don't. I tend to think the best revenge is showing the person who wronged me that I can be better than them, or stronger than they think I can be, or that I can smile even though they are trying to get me down. In fact, I can't really remember anytime I ever got revenge on someone. It was probably when I was like, 10 and my sister C-Unit was 4. I probably pulled off one of her Barbie's heads or something.

3. The phone, though sometimes it's a book so that I can lose myself in another world and not have to think about what is currently making me sad.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Ruby Red

I once wondered if, when I died, someone would find my remains long after I am gone. And if they did, would they be able to tell that someone loved me because of the groove the appeared on the ring finder on my left hand.

I wear it sometimes to remind me that somewhere, sometime, someone loved me enough to take a change and make me a promise.


It matters little that he couldn't follow through-there are different rings I remember for those memories. This one, though, is perfect in size, in color, and in the things it once meant.

Most days, it sits in the bottom of my jewelry bin, hiding it's knowledge of the truth behind baubles that remember the 90's. Slowly, almost instintually, it makes its way to the top, clinging onto my favorite silver hoop earing, declairing its familiar spot on my finger.

Like an old friend, it slips on smoothly, it's cool 14 karat band settling into the groove on the finger who's artery is said to lead directly to the heart.

It's become my silent cheerleader over the years, something I look at when I'm feeling sad, or when I need to remind myself that somewhere, sometime, somebody will feel the way he did, only this time, he will keep his promise.