Saturday, September 16, 2006
Friday, September 15, 2006
I got flowers the other day from my sister and my niece. Because my sister is a supervisor at a well known floral company, I'm not afraid to say, "They're ugly". And some of the flowers are kind of limp.
I would not have said anything to her at all, but she asked. And I know if she came to the restaurant and I was cooking that I'd want her honest opinion.
When I got home tonight, there was a note on my door saying the florist tried to deliver another arrangement and they'd be back tomorrow. When I told C-Unit this, she told me to put the old arrangement outside and to refuse the new one.
I'm sorry, WHAT?!
(That's actually what I said)
"Do people really do that?"
They do, apparently-which seems very odd to me. I can't imagine being surprised by a flower delivery only to turn them away. Not only would I be missing out of pretty flowers-wouldn't I be offending the sender?
"Thank you so much for the flowers-but they were ugly so I told them to take them back."
Or-"Gerber daisies are my favorite-not REGULAR daisies-DUH! Be gone with you, stupid florist."
C'mon...some people are demented.
And also-I received a "No special reason for this card" card...very nice.
All I can say about this card though is: I am the nicest sister. You even admitted it last month.
(Thank you for thinking of me)
Neither of us are friends with any of our ex's.
What? Oh-right...I DID get the last one arrested...right...Mr. CM-you don't be crazy and I won't get you arrested. Deal?
(That's a good start, right?)
I kid because I am scared. Like anything in life, you just don't know what is going to happen. I think we all struggle to know where we will be in 15 years whether we're in a relationship or not. I know I do.
Awake, I searched the net, because knowledge is power. I was reading an article that said we could easily remain friends when I stumbled over the word "coz" instead of "because". And while Mr. CM is a lover of the slang and cool talkin'-it's not exactly reassuring when used in a researched article. So I moved on...
The next article suggests that it can't be done. The reason? Because we've seen each other naked. That's ridiculous.
I've seen it. I've got tweezers. Minor crisis averted.
I see it as an asset, really. And he's totally the guy who gets to pee on me if I ever get stung by a jelly fish. Yeah. I know. You're all jealous.
Here's my thinking. If 2 people truly care about each other-which I know we do-then anything is possible. Besides, Mr. CM and I are both pretty extraordinary people. ;) Maybe we should tape it and start our own reality show-what do ya think?? Can you say Ka-CHINNNGG?!?
What's your opinion? Do you know anyone who's remained friends? Give me hope people!
Also, keep in mind: Mr. CM reads the blog and is still one of my favorite people. ;)
Thursday, September 14, 2006
That's one of the first things I realized when I stepped into my clients apartment last night.
The apartment itself is not what made me feel that way-it rests above a barber shop in Hartford-in a neighborhood that can be considered "bad". It's right up the street from my father's old store-where it's rumored that the Chinese Mob blew up a Chinese restaurant because the owner didn't pay the rent.
She's young, maybe in her early 20's. She's dressed in her PJ's but excited that I am there. Her mother tapes me on a camcorder.
I wave to the camera and flash a smile, telling the boyfriend he's very lucky to have her. I then ask to see the space-the kitchen I'll be cooking in.
Professionally, I look around, nodding and feeling the thickness of the countertops. "Will it be ok if I roll the pasta here?"
She bubbles up with excitement, "Yes, of course!" and then to the camera-"FRESH Pasta Baby!!"
This is why I want to be a chef. For the people who love food. For the smiles. For the overflowing joy of this girl has for the surprise she is planning for her boyfriend.
And for the role I will play in it.
I ask to see her dishes, her silverware...her plates are shabby, and not at all trendy or pretty, but 2 have blue rings around them and I tell her I'd like that because of the contrast.
I made it up, but it sounded great. And she ate it up.
So much so, that she invited me into her living room to see the candles she picked for the table. And asked what she should do about table cloths.
I told her.
I asked what kind of music she is playing, the feel she wanted. I told her to ultimately pick something that grabs her eye-to go with what she liked-not just something that is 'supposed" to be that way.
She liked that.
And voila-I've begun.
I left her apartment feeling proud of myself. I was apprehensive about starting to work while still in school-afraid that I'd not have enough experience or that I'd stumble. But in reality-this is what I've always been good at-planning and throwing parties. I didn't even miss a beat.
I was professional, but myself. I made jokes and made her feel comfortable with who I was and the choices she made. I took notes-mainly what to bring with me and her plating times.
Simply put: It could not have gone better.
And I am very proud of myself.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
On top of everything else, I have a cold. The only tea I have is Green Chai Tea. I like Green Tea, and I like Chai Tea, but it is decidedly so that I do NOT like Green Chai Tea. And so my sniffles continue...
I have a mouse again. It's the size of a football and it bullied me in the middle of the night. Traps you say? Not the answer. Because who is going to help me pick up the dead mouse and throw it away? No one. I must learn to co-exist with Randy the Ratfaced Mouse or drive him away in a "I'm not going to kill you but you have to vacate my house" kind of way.
I am thinking of changing my answering machine to say something like, "Yes, I see that you called-25 times! If you do not leave a message, you will NEVER reach me." Do you think the annoying people who continue to call me but never leave messages will get the hint?
On a funnier note (though I KNOW Segue is going to yell at me about this) I sometimes pick up the phone when the same company calls me every 20 minutes and I don't say anything. Sometimes I scratch the receiver with my finger to make funny noises. And the man-always the same guy-sounds very confused. Dude. Just leave me a message telling me who you are.
It's wicked funny when a teacher can't pronounce the words he's written on a worksheet, and also when he skips works like "Anus" because he's embarrassed.
Internship info came yesterday. Only 5 hours a week for the first 12 weeks can be logged and 9 hours per week for the following 24 weeks. I work about 16 per week so I'll be ok.
Graduation date is tentatively set for 7/19/07. Those of you who care, should mark your calendars. Those of you who don't should cry because I'm pretty sure I'm going to throw a party.
It's amazing what a good hot shower and a good friend can do. Not together. Paired with each other. A shower by myself, then a talk with her. Amazing.
Did I mention I have a mouse again? The size of a FOOTBALL!
I am wrong about a lot of things. The oil was one of them. They came yesterday left a bill for $257.00. Due in 10 days, add this to the $244.00 car tax that is due at the end of the month and you get severe and utter breaking of the bank and a spinning of my brain.
Mother Effing history does indeed, repeat itself...and it hurts.
Hope is what makes me continue.
Monday, September 11, 2006
As you know, I’ve arrived at a point in my life where things feel unbearable. I sometimes feel as though I can’t manage my own life, and that everything will certainly come tumbling down because of it.
This scares me.
My friend Oriolegal made a comment a couple of weeks ago here that I am chasing my dream-and that’s something not many people can say. Though her encouragement always means the world to me, my initial thought was to write, “That’s funny, because most of the time, it feels like it’s chasing me.”
My doctor thought that was a funny, yet well put statement. And while he keeps telling me that my feelings are typical of people who grew up the way I did, and also of someone who is temporarily spreading themselves thin, he hasn’t told me how to stop the feelings.
Last night I felt an overwhelming sadness come over me, and I could not get past it. I had no reason to be sad. I had just spent what I would consider a very nice weekend with Mr. CM. I got to cook for him, which brings me a sick amount of joy. We went apple picking and I got to make him pie. I even got to meet some of the new people in his life, and had the best nap EVER. It was a good weekend. There was no reason why, while still sitting on his (not so stinky anymore) sofa that I should have started feeling sad. And there certainly is no reason why, when I got home I felt crippled with sadness.
No one can tell me what it is, and no one can tell me how to move on. And it’s not their job to, and I’m sorry if I ever make anyone feel bad because I look to them for comfort.
Today I didn’t want to get out of bed. I wanted to lay there under my covers and hide. But I remembered something I always tell people when they ask me what I think my strengths are, and I didn’t want to be a hypocrite.
I pride myself in my ability to bounce back-to succeed, or at least survive-no matter what.
And then I thought about what I wrote on my MySpace page about who my hero’s are-“People who get out of bed everyday when all they want to do is cry.” And I realized that I was that person today. And I don’t know if it’s God who talks to me, my inner voice, or both, but I knew I had to get out of bed, even though all I wanted to do was cry.
I’m not my own hero. But I can admire that I’m here, bathed and clothed, and that I can still smile at the people who walk by me today. And that even though I was passed up for something that would have made me happier, I am already looking to the future, trying to figure out another angle-another way to make things work.
And for that, I am grateful.
I can’t promise that I won’t make late night “I don’t know what to do” phone calls, or that I’ll be my happy self all of the time again soon. But I can promise that I am trying my hardest to get past this, and that I will bounce back…
Well hello there! I'm sorry to have left you hanging on Friday, but I was might busy workin' on a farm.
Yup. Me. Who hates dirt and weeding and worms-volunteered through work to weed a humongo carrot field and to clean thousands (yes, thousands) of onions to help the Hartford Food Share project.
It was a good time. We began thinning the carrot fields. I was assured I'd see no snakes, and though I know Sam, the manager, was just trying to make me feel better, he was right. I even got to take home some baby carrots for dinner, which made me very happy.
Along with baby carrots, my volunteerism got me a bag full of cherry tomatoes and sunflower-both of which I picked myself.
Once a year my company allows us 1 paid day to volunteer for something-we have a committee who picks different charities every month and we can choose where we want to go. The downfall is that we never really know what's coming, so we may use our paid day for one thing and then find out we would have rather gone to something else.
I'm pretty happy with my choice. The farm sells shares to families around the area which helps keep it running. There are only 6 employees who do all of the work, and they rely on volunteers for the rest. The shareholders then receive produce each week until the winter. The farm also helps provide low income families in Hartford County with fresh produce.
That's something that makes me smile. It's hard to eat healthy because fruit and veggies are so darn expensive. Making sure that families with children get the right foods is a good thing, and though I only weeded and cut onions, I feel good about being there.
I also had the pleasure of working for most of the day with 4 high school juniors who were also volunteering. They were bright, funny people who were concerned about their futures and thirsty for experience. It was refreshing to see this young group of kids-who could have easily taken the wrong path-spend a day cleaning onions and talking about college.
So. I am sorry I was not here for you on Friday. I simply was too busy playing in the dirt. ;)
Have a great Monday everyone-don't forget to come back to answer my Toosdae ?'s tomorrow!!