Saturday, June 17, 2006

Plum Blossoms

Plum blossoms bloom when they should be dead. They survive when no one knows why, and they sprout even when covered in snow.

Plum blossoms bloom where they are planted, and in a way, I think I'm very similar.

For years people have been trying to persuade me to get a tattoo, and for years I've thought about it and concluded that I would not get one.

Today, however, I changed my mind.

After spending a quiet day at the beach, reflecting on my life, where I've been, where I am going and what steps I need to get there, I packed up my towels in search of a place to get inked.

I was fortunate enough to walk in, speak with the artist and be promptly seated on the table. I told him that I didn't want to leave without a tattoo, because I feared this was the only time I'd bend my previously unwavering stance on tattooing my body.

I must have been visibly nervous because he asked me why it was so. I said, "I don't want it to hurt." He sort of chuckled and said, "It's going to hurt."

My eyes widened and he said, "Don't worry, if it hurt that bad I wouldn't have both of my feet done."

I explained that I knew it was going to hurt a bit, but I didn't want it to hurt so bad that I would kick him in the face.

He said, "Don't kick me in the face."

He was very shy and serious, and that combined with my nerves made me laugh.

I said, "People are going to be shocked that I did this."

He said, "I'm a little shocked right now that you are."

That also made me laugh.

Finally, he started getting the needles and the colors ready and I asked him to explain what he'd be doing. I learned:

When I am nervous, I am stupid.

I said, "So how does this work? You scrape the pattern on with the needle and then fill in the color?"

He was confused as to why I thought there'd be scraping. Luckily, there wasn't any. ;)

What I can tell you is this:

1. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. I was more annoying than hurting. However-

2. The outer side of the top of your foot is VERY sensitive, and it actually made me say, "Oh my Fuck that hurts." when he was filling in the color on those petals.

3. It hurts to walk.

4. When you want to tell people that you just did something spontaneous and kinda crazy, no one answers their phone.

5. Me doing something spontaneous and crazy apparently doesn't surprise many people. That makes me happy, but also sad b/c I'd like a little "Wow Factor" built into my life.

6. It makes me feel alive and young and a little bit empowered to know that I still do these types of things.


Friday, June 16, 2006

Things This Girl Likes

Things this girl likes:

  • Cinnamon Ice Cream
  • Sweatshirts
  • The smell of fresh cut grass
  • Onion bagels toasted with butter
  • Having strong arms wrapped around me
  • The sound of crickets at night
  • Fireflies
  • Chewing gum
  • Reading in bed on a rainy day
  • Sitting on my deck with a glass of wine, listening to the kids play across the street
  • BBQ season
  • Sour Cream and Strawberries (or Peaches)
  • Having my hair brushed away from my face
  • Cartoons
  • Sale flyers
  • Yellow Squash
  • Baseball
  • Red Wine
  • Wind

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Bang Up Job

I’ve been trying to grow my bangs out for a few months now, and I’m at the breaking point-

You know the one, where whenever I look in the mirror I cringe and I hate the way I look?

Where my long but not long enough bangs fall in front of my eyes whenever I look down or am reading?

The one that makes me want to shave my entire head because I hate my hair?

Yup. That breaking point.

The thing is, I can’t get anyone to commit to sound advice. Everyone I ask gives me the “safe” answer: “I think you look pretty both ways.”

Whatever. Have they not SEEN me? Can they not SEE that my crazy bangs are creating some sort of weird curtain to my eyes, reminiscent of feathering?

The only people I get to difinitavely tell me I should absolutely positively keep growing my bangs are my hairdresser and my color specialist.

And it’s not because they think I personally look better. It’s because hairdressers seem to have this unwritten hatred for bangs these days. Mention that you want to cut some and watch the steam rise. I shit you not…they hate ‘em.

So what do I do? Continue growing them, hating what I see every time I walk past something reflective hoping that the end result is something I like, or hack them off now and return to my “normal” self.

Negatives 2 Having Bangs:

*You can’t just wake up and go-you have to at least wet your bangs and style them, especially if you are a crazy sleeper like me.

*Wearing baseball hats (or hats of any kind for that matter) suck because the rim ALWAYS pushes them into your eyes.

*Wind.

*I have a cowlick, so they always curl.

*They aren’t “in style”.

Positives 2 Having Bangs:

*I think it softens my harsh features.

*Brings out my eyes more.

*Makes me look younger.

*No crazy “wings” or feathering.

*Instant gratification-I’ll look in the mirror and see my normal self again.


You may be chuckling or thinking, “It’s really not that big of a deal.”

Oh yeah, smarty pants? Then why can’t you give me an answer?

Boys are so lucky…

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Secrets

The wind whipped through me as I waited to board the bus. An already dreary day, the sun was dim and hid behind the winter clouds. The unforgiving chill wrapped itself around me, laughing at me for forgetting my coat in my locker.

I stayed after school tonight for volleyball practice. It’s just intramural, bu my cousin Tiffany and I know we’ll get noticed by the high school coach, so we’re putting in the extra effort now. Plus, the other girls aren’t as good as us, but we’ll never tell them that.

I have a new boyfriend. His name is Travis. He's not that cute, but he's nice and funny and he makes me laugh, so I decided to go out with him. He had detention today, and when I was outside, I saw him get on the bus and walk to the back; he sat on the outside so no one could sit with him. I started to sweat and my legs shook because I knew why he wanted to share a seat in the back with me.

People don’t know it, but I’ve never kissed a boy before. They think I met a boy named Corey this summer at Jenny’s house in New Jersey, and that we made out in the schoolyard. I am the only girl from my group in 6th grade who didn’t have a boyfriend, and I didn’t want to start out 7th grade the same way. I feel bad about the lie, but I’ll never tell them Corey doesn't exist.

When I stepped on the bus, I swear that stinky Anthony could hear my heartbeat because he kind of laughed when I looked at him. “Whatever”, I thought, “At least someone wants ME to sit with them.” I kinda feel bad for Anthony, it’s not his fault his parents won’t let him have Guess jeans or that his hair is always greasy…but I’ll never tell him that.

I thought, “This is it, I’m gonna kiss Travis today.” My stomach did flips, and my already flush face turned even redder. He smiled at me as I climbed over him and took my place by the window.

“Hi.” He said.

“Hi.” I whispered, suddenly sad, and not knowing why. I looked out the window as we rolled out of the driveway.

You wanna know what kind of loser I am? I didn’t look at him the whole time. I pretended to want to talk to people around us, joking, laughing and doing anything I could to keep from making eye contact. Cause the minute that happened, I knew he’d plant one on me.

I’m really shy when it comes to this sort of thing. I don’t know why, but I am. He seemed really mad at me when he got off at his stop. It hurt my feelings a little, but I knew it was my fault. I should have just told him I loved him and let him kiss me. At least then I wouldn’t have to lie anymore when people asked me if I’ve ever kissed a boy.

I don’t think I want to ever kiss him though. I don’t know why, I just don’t. I like him…but…I’m afraid of kissing. What if he wants to go up my shirt? Or…down my pants? Jenny told me that Eric did that and she liked it, but…it scares me a little bit.

I’m afraid. But I’ll never tell.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Beer For Me

I know I'm a geek for even writing this. Or for even caring. Or for caring and writing a "I'm not cool enough" email.

But, as it turns out, I am cool enough. Let me explain.

Yesterday we got out of class early b/c it was our chicken practical. (I got the highest grade-98.5 on my dish!) Yeah. That makes me even more of a geek, but aren't you proud of me? Anyway, one of the guys in my little group of favorites asked the other guy if he wanted to go out for a beer-he couldn't and so it appeared the other 2 weren't going to go, however when I pulled away, I saw the other in the group changing.

I was left out. Not invited. A loser, not so much in the group as I thought I was.

I was wrong. They didn't go yesterday afterall.

Tonight we got out at 8:30! When we found out, I was asked if I wanted to go. I said I did, but realized I didn't have money, so I said no.

All 3 offered to pay for me so that I could go. And they seemed genuine, I mean, it would be easy enough to just say, "Ok, next time" and let me go home while they got liquored up.

But I got to go. I was invited, and I'm still "in".

Like I said, I know I'm a geek, but that really the reason why I get so excited when I'm part of the cool group. I figure, what the hell, most of you don't "know" me and those of you who do and read me know what a geek I really am in real life.

So. There. I was bought beer by my little clique.

8-)

Toosdae ?'s

1. Would you rather go back in time and take back something that you said or did, or go back in time and say or do something that you didn't?

2. Your sitting on a beautiful, sandy beach with crystal clear blue water, a light breeze drifts by...what drink do you have in your hand?

3. If everyone of your "preferred" gender was wiped off the face of the earth, would you "switch teams" or would you remain celibate?

1. Definitely go back and say or do something that I didn't. In fact, there are a lot of things I didn't/haven't said that I wish I had. I think it makes me more apt to talk about feelings now and to tell the people I care about why they make my life better.

2. Unsweatened Ice Tea with lots of ice and lemon. Though I love the Margarita, especially on the beach, it makes me very loopy when I'm in the sun! (Without the loop factor, it'd be the 'rita hands down.)

3. I don't think I would switch teams. I've never been attracted to a woman, and I'm not sure I could just "switch". I don't believe you have a choice in which gender you favor, and so I don't think it would be that easy. But I think that physical contact is important, and God knows how long I'd be living in a boy-less world!!!!

Monday, June 12, 2006

Dance Recital

*This is original poetry written by me and is NOT to be reproduced in any way. This work is protected under my creative commons agreement.*
"I've just got to try" she said earnesly
as her face shone with pride and
my heart filled with glee.
"You'll never know if you don't just try"
I reiterated quickly,
I didn't want this to run dry...
"Sometimes, you'll find", I said to this girl
"that you'll like crazy things
or you'll travel the world."
"But you'll never know if you just don't try"
So remember that always
and you'll reach the sky.
~or~
Twirl, little girl
with your eyes shining bright,
and show us your spirit
and let it take flight.
For you have the power
to light up the stage;
to capture the audience,
no matter their age.
You're silly and thougtful
and have courage unseen,
a prima ballerina
with posture, pristine.
So twirl, little girl,
and never forget
to dance through your life
and live without regret.

Rye Bread-she's the one waving!!

Me and my girl after the show-she's very interested in capturing the moment, can't you tell?

A little girl who LOVES to be the center of attention, but HATES pictures...looks innocent enough, like just a girl pouting...right.One day, little girl, we'll talk about doing incriminating things on camera...