Friday, May 05, 2006

Feliz Cumpleanos! or Cinco de C-Unit

You were born on a school day,
when I was just six.
They didn't name you Laura
and that made me pissed.
Your hair was springy
in the color of gold
and your cheeks so plump
I had to grab hold.
You were silly and hyper
and always so happy
but remember the time
when you felt "cwappy".
You danced and you sang
and you never were quiet
but when you played Barbies
you were a riot.
You didn't eat veggies
and cried until noon,
and drove me crazy
"with a wooden spoon!"
You had shiny spandex
that were smooth as silk
and "I have a question-
What about the milk?"
We'd hide in small spaces
like under our bed,
and even the couch
as we listened to what they said.
Your voice is so pretty
and your songs are so sweet
but I hate your obsession
with your friggin feet! (hee hee hee)
Today your curls still
spring from your head
and all of your oddities
went to Rye Bread.
I love you, my sister
and wish you the best,
Happy Birthday C-Unit
You're still high-test!

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Houston, We Have An Asshole...

Dear Mr. "I have a Houston Texas IP address and visited your blog (at least) 20 times in the last 2 days",

I know what you were doing. I know that you visited my site multiple times and voted negatively for me on the "Varb" through Blog Mad. What you do not realize it that I opted to put that link on the blog so that I could gage the appreciation (or lack there of) that my readers have for my blog.

Negative feedback does not hurt me. It only makes me stronger.

The problem Mr. Texas (and I say Mr. but you could just as easily be a woman-we are, after all, bitches) is that you hide behind your IP and don't ever comment. Instead, you vote negatively over and over until my rating drops from 7.25 (points above average) to 4.25-literally overnight.

Does your blog suck so much that you have to vote over and over for a blog you've never even read just so you rise to the top? Perhaps not. But I hope so, because otherwise you're just a mean coward who likes to make a legitimate poll ineffective.

I've taken off the link to the Varb, as I know you've seen because you stopped by at 3:29 and 3:21 but haven't been back since. Funny, considering the number of times you've visited (exiting on the Varb link) over the last 2 days.

So, congratulations on being the best rated blog on the Varb. Too bad it's not something you earned for your writing, your wit or your ability to inspire people...

Because that's what some of my readers have told me the enjoy about this blog. And THAT's worth more than any score, any day.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

I See Mean People

I hate it when I'm wrong about someone. I used to think I had a good sense of who was true blue and who was "faking it". I used to think I had good judgment.

No more. I've given up thinking I can discern who's good and who's bad; who will truly be someone I can lean on and who will simply let me fall.

How did I get so blind? Why am I so willing to just trust people? Am I so naive that I can't see the forest for the trees? I don't think so, but how else can it be explained?

What sucks the most, is I wanted to prove everyone wrong with this one. I wanted to be the one who said, "It's not like that" or "I'm special".

But it seems as though it is "like that", and that I am nothing special to this person-and that sucks more than a hungry leech on a Mesopotamian.

The real trouble with this is that I don't want to stop being a trusting person, who tries to see the good in people. So how do I get to that place again where I can stay away from people who are not "real" and still give my heart to those who are?

Ugly Muffins

Jesus drives a mini-van. Did you know that?

He also doesn't know how to use measuring spoons. I should know, because I baked muffins with him tonight.

I also stole his measuring spoons early on in the class-I'm sure I'll be smited soon. Jesus. Gotta love him.

Actually, I'm learning little tid-bits about most of my classmates. Jesus, for instance, does indeed, drive a mini-van. He is 30 and has an 11 year old daughter and a 2 month old son. He takes care of his mother who is sick, and his sister who is disabled.

No wonder they call him Jesus.

Our muffins didn't rock my world though. In fact, they are ugly. And you wanna know what? I was my fault. (I know, take some time-it's ok...)

All better now? Good.

The problem was in the streusel topping. I believe the problem was that Jesus changed bowls on me on the scale-which was carefully calibrated to my bowl. (Sounds insignificant, but it's really not) So I measured out the 4oz and when combining the ingredients, I didn't speak up to the chef instructor when I knew it was too wet.

Dummy. They taste good, but they didn't rise very much b/c our topping was too heavy. In any case, I'll cart them off to my friends at work today to see how I did.

Something I'm excited about was I learned how to make commercial pan coating. It's what some bakers use in industry to grease their pans, instead of using cooking spray or "Crisco".

All it is, is equal WEIGHTS of flour, oil and butter processed together until it makes a paste. You then smear it on your pans with a dry pastry brush and voila! Non-stick muffin tins!

I know, I'm a geek. But this stuff excites me.

And, just to let you in on the level of geekiness, yesterday when I was making stocks, I simply exclaimed:


Yeah. I know...

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Toosdae ?'s

Hi everyone!! Knowing that I'm in school on Monday nights, these questions mean MORE than they did before b/c it's harder for me to post show me that you want these questions to continue by answering them!! Maybe I’ll even bake you a muffin or something…

1. Would you rather have your thumb and first finger glued together for the rest of your life (In the “OK” sign) or be forced to say “Bippity Boppity Boo” before every sentence?

2. If you had a parrot and could teach it to say any word or short phrase, what would it be?

3. You are the most respected fashion designer in the world and have the power to bring back any fad from any era. Because you are so loved, no one would scoff at your choice, and it would quickly catch on. What would you bring back, and why?

1. I choose Bippity Boppity Boo-think it would be funny to see a strangers reaction to this option, though I’m sure I’d get decked after a while. And the index finger and thumb are rather essential in the baking process, and a lot of you have already placed orders…

2. “You smell like cheese.” or “Do you smell that?” or something to that effect. I think it would be comical when new people came over.

3. Was being fat ever a fad? Just kidding. I think I’d choose to bring back A-Line dresses, even though they sell them now. They look good on almost anyone, and are very cute. If not that, my second choice would be overalls. I loved my overalls to death and was very sad when they went out of style.

Please help combat my exhaustion by making me smile today!

Monday, May 01, 2006

Starlight and Guavas

I have a friend who won’t talk to me. It’s been years since we last spoke, and to my knowledge, I did nothing but divorce his best friend.

Trouble is, he was my best friend too.

Sure, I met him because of Matt, and if friends were to be divided based on length of time known, then hands down, Matt should have gotten to “keep” Nelson.

But in my mind, friends aren’t items to be divided like a sofa or a lamp. Friends share a part of your heart, and when they choose to walk away, they take a piece of you with them.

I’m sad. I don’t know why after all of these years it’s hit me again. I don’t know why I simply can’t walk away, like he wants me to, though he’s never said as much.

He hasn’t said anything-except that he wasn’t going to stop talking to me after the divorce. To my knowledge, that’s the only time he’s lied to me. And it sucks to be lied to. Especially when I need every bit of my heart, and wasn’t ready to let him walk away.

The first time I met Nelson I hated him. I thought he gave me a dirty look when we were introduced, but I think it was just my youth and insecurities about Matt that made me think this.

The second time I met Nelson I cooked for him. And I discovered that cooking for Nelson and teasing Matt were 2 ways to get on his good side. I was good at both, and we quickly became friends.

We spent holidays together because we all worked for Disney. We played together, ate together and even carpooled to work together. When I was sad, he made me laugh, and when Matt made fun of Nelson's dreams, I believed in them for him. He was the brother I never had.

And now, he’s the brother I’ll never have again.

I recently wrote him a letter, which broke a promise I made to him last year, telling him in a last ditch effort, that this would be the last I wrote unless I heard back. I didn’t hear back from him then, and I haven’t heard back from him now.

There are things I want to know-did he ever graduate from UCF? Is he going to law school (He was the BEST person to argue with-but you’d never win) and how are his nephews and his sister? Does he live in the same place or did he get his own house? Does he have a girlfriend (He would never talk to girls-he was too shy).
I’m sad because he was the closest male friend I ever had. He was like family to me, and I have no explanation as to why he’s no longer a part of my life.

It’s like he died, but almost worse, because he chose to stay away.

There’s no ending to this post, no conclusion…really no point either. It’s just me, being sad because I see his screen name, knowing I’ll never get the answers I need.

Here’s to Thanksgiving dinners, stolen pastries, funny stories about Splash Mountain, and dreams of a trip to Puerto Rico. I miss you and love you…

Sunday, April 30, 2006


I didn't think it was going to be easy, going to culinary school and working full time. In fact, I remembered how hard it was back when I worked full time at Disney and also went to school full time at UCF.

But I didn't actually expect that I would have more homework than I did when studying for my bachelors degree.

Before I started, Mr. CM joked that my homework would be baking cookies. Others also chuckled when I mentioned that I would be getting books, and that I would be tested on certain things. I suppose they thought it was just an elongated cooking class, something like a hands on version of the Food Network.

But I'm quickly discovering what I've gotten myself into. Saturday yielded 5 hours of homework, which included reading a portions of 4 chapters and copying and converting about 10 recipes. Sounds easy enough, but converting recipes is tough for someone who struggles with math-and also someone who doesn't know how much .25 oz of baking powder is in teaspoons, let alone what 1/3 of that would be.

I'll get it, don't you worry. But for now, it's a lengthy process.

Tonight also produced hours of homework, and at 10pm my eyes are droopy and my hand sore from taking notes. Words like Allmuette and Ghee floated in front of my eyes, even when they were closed.

I'm shuffling myself off to bed, but not to sleep-to read a 30 page chapter on sanitation that is due for Tuesday, and this is my only time to read it because I work and go directly to school both Monday and Tuesday.

Who would have known that the first week would take so much out of me-so much so that I could have layed down right on the ground while attending a concert and happily slept until it the next day. So much so that even after sleeping "like a log" I could have slept more...and so much so that my whole body aches from washing dishes. mopping and drying a floor, and even having my neck bent for hours from reading.

Bottom line-culinary school isn't a walk in the park. People who scoff and say it's not hard are clearly misinformed. It's challenging, both physically and mentally-and those who lack discipline and common sense won't make it.

I have 9 other people in my class-they say 5 will not succeed. Now I know why. (And, just so you know, I do NOT intend to be one of the 5, God willing)

That is all. I am sleepy. Time to rest my bones, and gear up for another dream come true week. ;) More biscuits to make, maybe even a muffin or a scone or 2...