Friday, February 24, 2006

Pickle Juice

I guess it's odd, being offered a pickle in the office. But it was me who was offering, which makes it a little less odd.

It makes me odd, yes, but the offer-not so odd.

I think it says something funny about the people who gladly accept the random pickle offer. It says they're fun, they're zaney-and they too, enjoy the cold, crisp flavor of a sour pickle.

Yeah, I'm weird-but so are they.

My funniest offer was to the new guy in the office. He's been stuck in the conference room for days with Pepe La Rue-but is often left alone. Over the last few days he's popped his head out to chat with Megan and I, so I felt like he deserved a pickle if he wanted one.

"Hey-do you wanna pickle?" I asked as I walked by the conference room.

He paused, chuckled and said, "Um, I'm good, thanks."

Of course my "Whatever...." came out naturally, as if to say, "Ok loser-you don't know what you're missin'"

About a 1/2 hour later I walked by again, and realized that a random person he just met (a manager at that) just offered him a pickle.

That alone is funny to me.

But I also realized that if someone offered me a pickle when I was the new kid I'd say no too.

Because what if "a pickle" was some weird initiation ritual and by saying 'yes' I would fall prey to their evil schemes?

So I told him as I walked by again: "Really-I've got pickles over there-it's not some 'you're the new kid' joke. If you'd like one, feel free. They're really good."

He chuckled again and said, "Ok....I WAS wondering that...it's not everyday you get offered a pickle!"

He still didn't take one. His employment, at this point, is up in the air...

Thursday, February 23, 2006

House Broken: Part 17

Today, the warm Florida sun shining through the window brought dread. They brought an emptiness and a sorrow that she’d never felt before.

Today was the day she was leaving.

Her sadness was for her new self-a person she always wanted to be, but was never allowed to introduce to the world. She mourned for her new friends, her smile that she knew would fade and for the man she knew she wanted to marry. She mourned because she was not certain her parents would let her come back.

This life made her grow, it made her think, and it expanded her spirit in ways that she could never imagine. For the first time in her life, she felt as though she belonged-and now she had to leave.

Her heart crumbled at the sound of the alarm clock.

“It’s time baby.” He nuzzled his face in her neck and breathed deeply. He felt the dread too.

“I know. I just want to lay here for a minute. I just….it’s…I’m scared.” She cried softly into her pillow as he tightened his arms around her.

“We’ll be ok. We’ll make it work. That’s what you always say, right? You have to believe it if you say it. You have to…” Though he was trying to comfort her, his tone was pleading-begging her to tell him she still had faith.

“I do. I’m just sad. I’m going to miss this place so much. I don’t want to go back-I like who I am here and I like making people smile…and I like you.” She rolled over so they were face to face and kissed his button nose.

“I love you.” She cried.

“I love you too.”

****

Because they knew the goodbye would be more emotional than either of them could imagine, they planned to part ways from the hotel. She knew the way to the train station and her car was already packed. They walked to the parking lot hand in hand, tears streaming down their faces.

When they reached her car, they stopped and turned to each other, their eyes searching, not knowing what to say, not knowing what to do. They were simply lost in their despair.

“This is it. It’s time.” He took her hand again and pressed it into his cheek.

Choking back her sobs, she leaned in and kissed his soft, wet lips goodbye, not knowing if they would ever share a kiss again.

She wanted to freeze time and suspend their bodies forever with their lips touching so that the sweet promise of “forever” would always be near.

After one last look and a long hug, she turned and got into her car. Her stomach turned, her head pounded, and her heart-broke.


The life that she created and the love that they shared, was no longer in her reach. As she exited the property she looked in her rearview mirror and vowed to always hold a piece of the kingdom in her heart.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Like Lightening

I simply have to gush about how happy I am right now.

Today I installed DSL high speed internet, and it's FANTASTIC!

Not only can I be on the phone AND online at the same time-but I just downloaded a song from iTunes in less than 30 seconds!!!!!!

This is wonderful news. I want to stay online forever right now...and I can. I don't have to worry about people calling. I can also download pictures and music in less than 2 days!!!!!

I'm gushing with happiness right now. This was the best decision I've made all month.

Finals...


I AM A FINALIST!!!
(For best writing)
Thank you to everyone who voted for me in the first round-there's one more vote needed from you-please go
One last time....Please??

Dot Dot Dot

It's funny when...
-You learn that your little sister inherited your "weird stuff happens to me gene". A story about a mentally challenged man at the YMCA who offered what she thought was a hand to help her off the mat was really his ploy to get a new "Thumb War" opponent. ;)

You know your Mother is crazy when...
-After your sister communicates that she got bitten in the face by a pit bull, she says rather matter of factually, "You better hope it doesn't have rabies-you'll be dead in 48 hours." (I'm sorry, but I still laugh at this)

You know you live in a hick town when...
-Your son calls you for instructions on how to roast a chicken. When prompted to look on the label for the poundage he responds, "Yeah...that label was actually scotch tape."

You know your boss is an idiot when...
-"They" take a day's worth of pictures of the "inside of the camera".

You know it's time to get a new cutting board when...
1/2 of it falls on your toes unexpectedly during a chopping frenzy and almost lops one off.

You know you should pimp yourself out when...
-Oil prices just keep kicking your ass.

You know you're moving on when...

-Only 1 person in your world knows what 2/21 is and that makes you smile. And also, you didn't think about what 2/21 used to mean until late in the day. Excellent.


You know it's time to get a new Dr. when...

-Their receptionist tells you they are going to have to admit you-even before seeing the Dr. (And it's in a scary building which you should "really have gotten dropped off.") >8-0

You want to plot revenge on someone because...

-You re-watched early episodes of The Office and were reminded of the stuff-in-jello joke. Man, I'd love to do that to someone.

You know it's time to go on vacation when...

-Wait, isn't it always a good time to vacation?? (Only 8 more days-not including the day we leave, cause then we're there...and I shouldn't count today, cause it's almost over...and really-tomorrow will fly by, so in reality, it's only like, a day away)

Happy Wednesday everyone!!

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Toosdae ?'s

I seem to be missing one of my ever faithful Toosdae participants. So...the rest of you should feel bad for me and answer these. K?

1. Would you rather have to drink a glass of spicy mustard or eat a serving of french fries out of a public garbage can?

2. If you had to join the circus to support yourself, what role would you play.

3. I don't have a 3rd question today-so why don't you ask me something. Silly or serious, I'll do my best to answer them honestly. If you don't have a question, you can still answer the other 2.

1. I would rather drink the mustard. The fries thing could be do-able, but only if you could see them first, and only if you knew where they came from. I picture a scabby, big lipped dude oozing puss out of his lips not being able to eat the fries because the salt stung. I'd take the mustard any day of the week.

2. I would be the ring master. Either that or Crazy Wilson, simply because "Crazy Wilson" sounds cool, and I'd like to be fearless and talented.

3. (Left blank intentionally) 8-)

Monday, February 20, 2006

Sao Whaaa?

It's not a secret. I've talked about it before...I've offered to do it to others...I do it to myself almost everyday. Sometimes, it's all I think about.

Sometimes...I can't stop.

I like to pluck hair. I like to wax hair. I like the smooth feeling I have when all of the hair is gone.

It's an addiction, I know. A strange, disgusting addiction brought on by my heritage and my light skin.

I've plucked and waxed hair from almost every part of the body in which grows. Yeah.

But I can, without a doubt, tell you, my dear readers:

I will never have a full "Brazilian".

I am speaking from experience and am here to tell you-it effing hurts.

Those women who tell you that "It's not that bad" are lunatics. My guess is that these women are the very same women who like to be seriously hurt during sex.

Because it's not just a little tingle, a quick pull or a small tear.

It's a full on war against your hooha...

And it's not pretty.

Sure, the benefits are great-you're smooth and clean and I'm sure your man will like it. But I simply cannot comprehend even letting him near it if he doesn't care about how much PAIN you went through to get it smooth.

If he insists-why not suggest he try doing the same. I'm fairly certain once he understands exactly where the wax goes, he'll shut up about it.

Yeesh. I just had a flashback. I've got to go curl up into the fetal position and meditate for a while....

Sunday, February 19, 2006

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VOTE HERE

Speak Up for the Chubby Kid!

I just got back from reading Ruben's blog which led me to Tai's blog on the same subject. When I started commenting to Tai, I remembered how passionate I am about fighting for the underdog...

And don't get me wrong, I'm not a saint in any way...some of my funniest times with my friends are when we are making fun of people. I suppose the difference is that the people I associate with would NEVER (did you get that, never) pick on someone merely to be mean, or to get our jollies.

This was my comment:

I'm having trouble with this-only because your point is well taken-take away their audience, and who will they have to "perform" for...

Yet, I still feel it's wrong to not say ANYTHING. I'm not talking about if someone has a gun etc...those are extreme situations. But in everyday life, when I hear people disrespecting others-it's hard for me to say, "Ah-they'll never change" and move on.

Because if they aren't made to change-if bad comments and disrespect becomes OK and acceptable-change will NEVER happen.

Hate will grow.

But if they had guns-yeah-I'd totally shut up.

What's the saying....Be the change you want to see...if I hear someone making fun of a chubby little boy and don't say anything-if I make it OK and let the offenders know that I DON'T CARE...why would they stop?

If someone overhears the name calling and the ridicule, and notices, too, that there are no ramifications for their actions-that someone may just join in or try to push the envelope in another situation.

HATE IS A CANCER THAT EATS AWAY AT SOCIETY.

Stop it in its tracks. Don't let it spread. Be strong, be kind, and don't allow others to live any other way.