Friday, February 17, 2006

Green

If the world was moving, they certainly did not know it.

The two girls balanced themselves carefully on the soft, mossy rocks, basking in the warmth of the sun's honey kissed rays. The air was warm but hidden in it's breeze was the last bit of winter, hoping to catch just one more gust. They sat there for hours, the girls, breathing in the earth as it defrosted.

The trees were tall, as only old trees with hundreds of years behind them can be. Their broad, flat leaves danced in the wind to songs that only little girls and fireflies could hear.

It was easy, then, to dream of nothing and everything, all at the same time. To gaze into the tree tops and believe in freedom and faith, even if they didn't yet know what those words meant.

It was easy to appreciate the way the light filtered through the leaves, casting shadows on the hill and how it turned their skin green when the light hit them just right.

And it was easy, then, to know the meaning of friendship and that sometimes, silence can tell you all you need to know.

Trust, love, and gratitude were words that the river taught them, babbling softly to the pebbles as the water drifted by.

And if the world was moving, they certainly did not know it.

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Thursday, February 16, 2006

Devo, All Day Long...

There's a dog loose at the airport. Is it just me, or did you think of this too when you read that the owner was sad and worried?

When a problem comes along
You must whip it
Before the cream sits out too long
You must whip it
When something's going wrong
You must whip it now
whip it into shape
shape it up
get straight
go forward
move ahead
try to detect it
it's not too late
to whip it
whip it good
When a good time turns around
You must whip it
You will never live it down
Unless you whip it
No one gets their way
Until they whip it
I say whip it
Whip it good
Yeah...I thought so...

House Broken: Part 16

Don't forget to go to my House Broken site if you need catch up on the story. And also...wanna vote for me? Click HERE to vote for me under "Best Writing". -Thanks.

She looked around the room, at the ceiling, the lamp, and wondered if the feeling she had at that moment would last. Would they make it and would she get to experience this love in another time and another place?

She’d forever remember the set up of the hotel room-the first they shared together. She’d remember the round table in the corner and the bouquet of iris’s he had delivered for her before they checked in, and the lamp-she’d remember the lamp and the way it cast a shadow on his half of the bed.

While he showered, she dreamed of a day she did not even know might exist-a day when they were married.

Would their room look like this, or would their furniture be more practical? Would they have a place to read, a place to reflect, and would they have a bathroom, so that she could fall asleep to the sound of the shower replenishing her lovers’ skin, like raindrops in the spring.

She thought of their unborn children, and whether or not he would let them cuddle in bed with them when they had a nightmare, their bodies curled softly in her safety, their sweet breath rising and falling to the beating of her heart.

She wondered if he’d lose his hair, or if by some miracle she would get to see him gray. Would he acquire laugh lines, liver spots, or both?

She wondered if, when she went blind, he would read to her. And if he went deaf, she wondered if he would remember the sound of her voice.


And then she fell asleep alone in the bed-her only companion, the shadow from the lamp near the round table in the corner.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Toosdae ?'s on Wednesday

Hello everyone! Wouldn't it wonderful for me to come back to find that everyone answered my questions?! Gee wiz, I'd be so happy. 8-)

Oh, and don't forget to VOTE FOR ME.

1. Would you rather be caught looking through your friend's wallet or siphoning a small amount of gas from their car?

2. Are you more apt to judge someone on their lifestyle or their attitude?

3. Name one toy you had as a child that meant a lot to you. Do you still have it?

1. Siphoning gas. I once read my friend's diary and besides being disappointed in what she wrote about me, the guilt and shame I felt was horrible. I have never 'snooped' again. At least if I was siphoning gas, there'd have to be a good reason, and my friend would know that right away. I mean-I'm SIPHONING gas...c'mon.

2. I am more apt to judge someone on their attitude. People's lifestyles are their own business as long as they aren't hurting anyone. As long as people are kind and respectful, I do not care what or who they are.

3. A doll named "Baby Beth" that my Aunt Carol gave me when I was very little. She went everywhere with me, including in the pool, which made her body cave in and become hollow. She is now one of the ugliest little dolls in the world, but I still have her and she still means a lot to me. (Though I've stopped taking her around with me)

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Kissing Hands and Shaking Babies. (Or Something Like That)


If you'd like to vote for me, please go HERE by 2/20/06.
You can find me under: "Best Writing"
You know, 'cause of House Broken and all...
There are TONS of other nominees-but I can't go down w/o a good fight!
Put yur rally caps on kids-and GO VOTE!!
Pwease?

it's happy bunny

My favorite chapter of a book I got for Valentine's Day...






I remember when Valentine's Day meant doling out little cards to all of my classmates. Every year we'd make a special "Valentine Holder" out of construction paper. My favorite was the year we wove pink and red strips into a heart and attached it to a black backing, making the perfect pocket for our treasures.

And you if you were going to participate in "Ye Olde Valentine Exchange", you had to bring one in for everyone. Even the smelly kid. And yes, even Cootie Boy.

The challenge then became how you let your best friend know how awesome they were, and how to tip off your secret crush on the fact that you wanted to meet them under the slide for some serious elementary school style makin' out.

This was usually done by picking the biggest, most bodacious valentine in the box-and adding glitter. No one but the love of your life got glitter and so instead of signing your name, you'd write, LOVE "Guess Who" or simply a "?". You'd wonder if they were smart enough to figure out that the glitter that's been stuck to your cheek all day is the same that adorns their card.

Years later, and several relationships under our belts, we realize that boys hate glitter, and even at the ripe age of 8, was plotting just how he'd get you back. The valentine-you discovered, was thrown away, his hands now raw from the scrubbing and washing it took to get the glitter off.

Ahh, Valentine's Day...

Oh, and if glitter was a sign of secret love and affection to us as adults-Megan, you'd totally be my bitch. 8-)

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I hope that the only thing that sparkles is the love in your hearts. (Awwww)

Monday, February 13, 2006

The Tree of Healing

"Your hands get very warm. You have natural healing energy. Did you know that? If you wanted to go into energy work or massage therapy, you'd be perfect for that. Your hands are very warm."

This was the opening statement from my psychic reading today. It comes just 2 days after the last installment of a running joke Mr. CM has about how hot my hands get. Small children, he says, would burst into flames if touched by my hands.

So when she led with the hands comment (and the massage comment, I might add) I was hooked.

I've always believed in the "something more's" of the world...the thought that certain people posses a gift to see and hear things that others can't. And I've always known that my belief makes me more open and willing to accept what comes my way.

Today when I mounted the stairs to the Tree of Healing, I was both anxious and nervous. I was afraid that by going through with the reading, it was somehow diminishing the faith I have in God. I was also worried that I would find something out that I did not necessarily want to know.

Once inside, after being greeted by a soothing desktop fountain and several candles, Joanne welcomed me; a warm, friendly, down to earth "hello"-the one I knew she would give.

There were no crystal balls, no bangles hanging from her wrists and she didn't have a third nipple. (Though I can't be sure about that one) Her office could easily have been anyone's. It was comfortable, and clean, and bright. I sat in a leather high back chair.

As she read my aura, I became more enthralled with her gift. I told her nothing about myself prior to the appointment-I don't think she even knows my last name. There was no pre-reading "get to know you" session. I simply sat down and she started. There was no way she could have known about the things she told me.

No way.

She told me about things I already knew about myself-how I hold things in my heart and blame myself for things that have happened to me in the past. We talked about the process of letting that go and how I could move on from them.

Closure was a big part of the reading. For me, as well as for others who popped up.

She said things that made me gasp and things that almost made me cry.

She asked me about my knee problem and challenged the doctors that diagnosed me so many years ago. She asked about my father, by name and told me about where she saw our relationship, which has always been strained, will go.

She asked me about a massage I recently got, and told me I need to do more of that sort of thing for myself, and told me to stop worrying about other people, and to take care of myself.

She told me about the art class I was thinking of taking, told me what month they started in, and even told me about culinary school-which she was told to stress that I "Should not worry about the money, just focus on the culinary school." She told me she sees me as a party planner/caterer-which is exactly what I would do with my culinary training.

She knew my love of green and why I love it, knew about Jamie and told me that I was not what he said I was, and how long ago he said them. She knew about Mr. CM and told me things about that. She even knew about our Florida trips.

The only thing that saddened me about the reading was the part about my mother. She told me that if my mother did not get help and did not let go of her anger, she would have heart problems. I think she already has them, but now the pain is sadness-later it might be physical.

When the reading was done, Joanne gave me a hug and told me to take care of myself-something that I admit I don't do very well. I left her office with a grin the size of Texas and a heart filled with hope and joy. My step was a little lighter; the day a little brighter.

My world makes a bit more sense to me today. Things I've felt but buried I now know how to move past, things I've questioned, judgments I've made-have been affirmed and my awe for people like Joanne has grown 150%.

If you have never experienced a Clairvoyant Reading for yourself, I whole heartedly recommend it. If you are a skeptic, you will believe and if you believe-you are in for something beautiful.

Oh-and as for my faith in God being questioned-I no longer feel that way. In order to cleanse my soul and focus on what I want instead of what I don't want-I still need my faith to get me through.

And I'll always have Psalm 57. I hope someday I can share it with you too.

To Daisy

Some say that a person never truly gets over being made fun of when they were little and that a child who was habitually teased during their formative years will always keep a wall up, rarely allowing others in.

Do you think this is true? Do you believe that if you were picked on as a child, that as an adult you still feel that vulnerability? To a certain degree, I have to say my answer is "yes".

I was picked on in elementary school by 3 older girls and some of their friends. Even today, I sometimes feel like the little girl I used to be-standing on the sidewalk, towering over the other girls listening to them getting invitations for sleepovers and play dates.

As an adult I've felt the loneliness that used to creep in when climbing the stairs to my house after getting off of the bus alone, knowing that the only person happy to see me would be my mother, and maybe my little sister.

I've felt the shame of being taller, broader, darker, than others considered prettier or more ladylike and the emptiness of knowing that every best friend I ever had, eft and moved away.

I've put up walls so that no one could see in-so they couldn't see the small child my soul sometimes forgets to let go of; or sometimes simply can't let go of.

But then I remember the other side of me-the one that goes on trips alone and meets a melange of people that I would never have met had I been with friends or family. I remember the daring and exciting times and the way I overcome things I never thought I could.

I remember the times I let my walls down, and let people see me cry, let them see my embarrassment, my fears. And the times I let myself love others, even though I still think they are going to "move away".

And I hear the words of the people I love, telling me I am brave or strong, and that I inspire them to be different or better and that they look up to me.

And that's when I know that the teasing only made me stronger and the sadness made me appreciate the laughter even more.

The walls? They still exist-but they're thinner and shorter, and very easy to breach. And once inside, I'll love you more fiercely, and fight for you more vehemently because I appreciate that what I have can be taken away.

But it doesn't stop me anymore. The little girl on the sidewalk helps me to be stronger, wiser, and more passionate about life.

And I don't think many bullies can say the same.