Thursday, September 07, 2006


Crop circles, where are we?
Lying in the sand.
Stepping stones and broken bones
A cut upon my hand.

I have no idea what that means. I just sat down at my computer, and literally that's what came out. Weird.

Could be the lack of sleep. Or the Tylenol PM I just took.

All day today, I thought it was 2007. When I was researching things for my boss that were date sensitive, I kept getting confused by the dates. Talk about time flying.

And speaking of shrink redeemed himself a bit this week. Though his eyes rolled the sleepy-time roll, he did it while HE was talking. It just must be what he does. Also, I sat down and said, "I don't feel like talking today" but sure enough, he got me talking. AND at the end he said, "I'm here to make your life easier, so I won't be collecting a co-pay for our visits until you're in a better financial place.

Gotta love a nice guy. He could easily collect my $15 every 2 weeks, but he chose not to. I'm impressed and I've never been in a situation before where a professional doctor waves an ongoing fee. To make my life better.

I feel like I want to write. Write a really good post like the days of old-the ones where people proclaimed me a writer and said that my words touched them, or inspired them. That's a good sign, right? That the want is there...

Lastnight after 3 hours of laying in bed awake but dead tired, I got up to get a glass of wine. It was too late to take Tylenol PM but sleep just wasn't coming. I walked into my kitchen, poured a half of a glass and spilled it all over the counter. After cleaning it up, I picked up the bottle and spilled the rest.

I was so angry and tired I left it there, on the counter, cork on the floor, ugly weird bottle in the garbage, wishing it would have smashed when I put it it in the trash.

Hope is on the horizon. I can't feel it. It's welling up, getting ready to sing the Hallelujah Chorus.

We used to sing, as a tradition, the Hallelujah Chorus in high school. Until my chorus teacher retired and the new one came in. I hated her, but loved that she eliminated the MOST boring alto song in the world.

Also, all of these years in my head I sing,

"The Lord God OMNIIIII po-tent reigneth."

Because that's the way the alto part was sung. I never put 2 and 2 together that it was omnipotent. Weird. I guess that's what happens when you learn a song by sound and not music....

Waiting for the door to crack
a little bit wider now.
My foots asleep from putting it in
I'm searching for somehow.


Segue said...

The other day I spilled my bottle of water all over the papers on my desk at work.

I moved the bottle over to my computer desk and cleaned up the mess.

Not ten minutes later, I knocked the same bottle of water all over my computer keyboard.

I'm such a klutz. It's a good thing I usually drink water, though... It dries clear. Good luck with the wine.

(Public Service Announcement: Don't take Tylenol PM unless you're actually in pain. Lots of people will take several of them like they're just sleeping pills, but acetaminophen is bad for your liver. Skip it and take Unisom or Sominex instead. Or even Benadryl tablets. It's all the sleepy- chemical that's in Tylenol PM, and the same dosage per tablet.)

Mags said...

Segue: Good to know about the Tylenol PM. I'm actually considering asking my doctor for something else because it's getting so bad.

My lack of sleep, I am sure, is contributing to my moods lately, and my health will also start suffering. Ugh.

But thanks. I'll definately get some unisom or something else!

OrioleGal9 said...

I'm post today :-(

I think I may start having withdrawals.

Hope all is well my friend Mags!

the108 said...

I need your shrink.

I have been on Ambien for years and recommend it. At least, it works really well for me. It's a hypmotic, though, not a sleeping pill per say. So, instead of making you tired, it just sort of screws with your mind until you pass out. But it is quick. They say you need to be lying in your bed when you take Once it kicks in, you won't be able to stand up straight.... I understand the sleep issues. I feel your pain and aggravation. Good luck! I hope you get some rest soon!

Hamel said...

Take care, Mags. Can I make a suggestion that will make you *and* your doc feel better. Write a letter thanking him for his kindness and compassion. It'll lift your spirits while you write, and his once it's received.

Mags said...

108: Thanks for the heads up on Ambien. I am not sure it's for me, but I'll ask about it next time.

Hamel: You know that I would normally agree with you, however I think writing the letter now would be weird. I think I will wait until later and write him a letter thanking him for helping me. But while I'm still seeing him, it's weird. I thanked him in person and he knew I meant it.