Monday, May 22, 2006

Yeah, I said Buttocks

We’re all friends here right? Right. So I don’t feel self conscious about telling you what I’m about to tell you.

In my old office, the bathrooms were close to my desk-it was a small office, basically 1 big room with offices spread out around it. We basically could talk to everyone through our cubes and they could hear us clearly.

So if you, say…had to go to the bathroom quite abruptly, you could

My new office? Not so much. Not only is the opening to my little desk on the opposite side of the hallway I have to use to get out, the bathroom is literally down the hall, past another office-about a 1 minute walk.

Which is rough on the bowels when you have to “run for the border”.

And, while I’m at it, I might add how difficult it is to run for said border while clenching your buttocks with all of your might whilst trying to appear professional and not so “I’m trying to clench my buttocks so I don’t poop on your desk”.

Add a paid of new mule heals, and the scenario gets even funnier.

So. There you have it ladies and gents, I give you: my Monday afternoon.



OrioleGal9 said...

Now here is the question - Why wait so long that you have to go through all that?

Mags said...

T-Sometimes it's not about waiting, as it just sneaks up on ya, if you know what I mean...

One who listens said...

And you can't go before it's ready.

But when it *is* ready, you only have about a minute before it becomes too much to bear.

I tentatively hypothesise that you only get a certain number of steps, and it doesn't matter how fast or slow you run, if the toilet is out of range of your step quota, then you are doomed.

Reminds me of a story...

Owl. :)

megan said...

I was in a cold sweat just reading that post. I have dealt with IBS for about the last 20 yrs. Not fun. I can tell you that I have done the "clenched buttocks" technique many times. Good luck and stay away from fried foods at lunch time.

Segue said...

I'm at the other end of the spectrum... My desk is right next to the bathroom, and I get to hear poopy noises several times a day.

I'd trade in a heartbeat.

Mags said...

Segue-at the point I was at when I wrote this-it wasn't a "heartbeat" I was worried about.

But yeah, I would HATE having my desk as close to the bathroom as you are!