Monday, May 01, 2006

Starlight and Guavas

I have a friend who won’t talk to me. It’s been years since we last spoke, and to my knowledge, I did nothing but divorce his best friend.

Trouble is, he was my best friend too.

Sure, I met him because of Matt, and if friends were to be divided based on length of time known, then hands down, Matt should have gotten to “keep” Nelson.

But in my mind, friends aren’t items to be divided like a sofa or a lamp. Friends share a part of your heart, and when they choose to walk away, they take a piece of you with them.

I’m sad. I don’t know why after all of these years it’s hit me again. I don’t know why I simply can’t walk away, like he wants me to, though he’s never said as much.

He hasn’t said anything-except that he wasn’t going to stop talking to me after the divorce. To my knowledge, that’s the only time he’s lied to me. And it sucks to be lied to. Especially when I need every bit of my heart, and wasn’t ready to let him walk away.

The first time I met Nelson I hated him. I thought he gave me a dirty look when we were introduced, but I think it was just my youth and insecurities about Matt that made me think this.

The second time I met Nelson I cooked for him. And I discovered that cooking for Nelson and teasing Matt were 2 ways to get on his good side. I was good at both, and we quickly became friends.

We spent holidays together because we all worked for Disney. We played together, ate together and even carpooled to work together. When I was sad, he made me laugh, and when Matt made fun of Nelson's dreams, I believed in them for him. He was the brother I never had.

And now, he’s the brother I’ll never have again.

I recently wrote him a letter, which broke a promise I made to him last year, telling him in a last ditch effort, that this would be the last I wrote unless I heard back. I didn’t hear back from him then, and I haven’t heard back from him now.

There are things I want to know-did he ever graduate from UCF? Is he going to law school (He was the BEST person to argue with-but you’d never win) and how are his nephews and his sister? Does he live in the same place or did he get his own house? Does he have a girlfriend (He would never talk to girls-he was too shy).
I’m sad because he was the closest male friend I ever had. He was like family to me, and I have no explanation as to why he’s no longer a part of my life.

It’s like he died, but almost worse, because he chose to stay away.

There’s no ending to this post, no conclusion…really no point either. It’s just me, being sad because I see his screen name, knowing I’ll never get the answers I need.

Here’s to Thanksgiving dinners, stolen pastries, funny stories about Splash Mountain, and dreams of a trip to Puerto Rico. I miss you and love you…


OrioleGal9 said...

hmmm, funny thing...soon after you divorced Matt, I saw Nelson in the tunnels of the "showplace of the shore" and said Hi and he just ignored me. Granted he didn't know me well, but I met him on several occasions (in the backoffice of the BoardWalk with and without Matt, your wedding, dinners at your place)

I too am in a similar situtation. Ricky...friends for forever, she hasn't talked to me in a year and a half and I have know idea why. The last time I heard from her, she emailed me to tell me that she couldn't meet me for lunch since she already had plans and that the place I suggested had gone out of business. I've emailed, left countless voicemails...all to get no response. Who knows! I've gotten to point that if she can't be adult enough to face me with whatever it is that I did. Then she wasn't the friend I thought she was.

Mags said...

Nelson even ignored you?! He definately knows who you are too. That's terrible. Now's I'm mag at HIM!

I'm sorry about Ricky. Didn't she do that to you a long time ago too? I seem to remember you were best friends and then she just stopped talking to you, and then when right before I moved back home you 2 reconnected...weird how people do that...

OrioleGal9 said...

Boy you have a great memory! She has indeed done this before!

Mags said...

Well, I don't know about my memory, but I remember feeling very protective of you, and secretly not liking Ricky b/c of what she did, and how she just "expected" that you'd be her friend w/o explination...

I actually wanted to punch her in the nose. LOL!!!