Wednesday, May 03, 2006

I See Mean People

I hate it when I'm wrong about someone. I used to think I had a good sense of who was true blue and who was "faking it". I used to think I had good judgment.

No more. I've given up thinking I can discern who's good and who's bad; who will truly be someone I can lean on and who will simply let me fall.

How did I get so blind? Why am I so willing to just trust people? Am I so naive that I can't see the forest for the trees? I don't think so, but how else can it be explained?

What sucks the most, is I wanted to prove everyone wrong with this one. I wanted to be the one who said, "It's not like that" or "I'm special".

But it seems as though it is "like that", and that I am nothing special to this person-and that sucks more than a hungry leech on a Mesopotamian.

The real trouble with this is that I don't want to stop being a trusting person, who tries to see the good in people. So how do I get to that place again where I can stay away from people who are not "real" and still give my heart to those who are?

5 comments:

Hamel said...

How? By being true that yourself and letting the cards fall where they may. It's this person's loss, Mags. Don't let it be yours as well.

Mags said...

Thanks Hamel, but the truth is, is that it's my loss too.

I understand what you mean by it's their loss, and I appreciate that.

But whenever someone isn't in your life and you want them to be in your life, it's a loss for you too...no matter how you'd like to look at it.

Hamel said...

You're right. What I meant was that it shouldn't become your loss in that you become a bitter person, or change caring. Sorry I wasn't clear, and I surely didn't intend to diminish or demean.

Really.

Mags said...

I know. It's ok.

One who listens said...

I think I know what you mean. There was someone whom I trusted once. I mean, really, truly trusted. One time, to demonstrate how much I trusted her to a friend, she picked up a knife (just one that you'd eat your dinner with. Not too sharp) and said "Close your eyes." and I did. Without moving.

Then, later, she betrayed that trust, and I couldn't stand to be anywhere near her, and I certainly wouldn't trust her with a spoon, let alone a knife.

It always hurts when you lose trust in someone.

Truth is, you have to give your heart to everyone, and sometimes it hurts. Sometimes there is loss. And that loss is painful. It is true self-less love, and we can't do that here on earth without suffering for it.

But I'm sorry, I still had to smile at the "hungry leech on a Mesopotanian" line. :)

Owl.