Thursday, May 25, 2006

Bullet Points 2 People I've Met

Things I'd like to tell random people at my new job:


Nose hair should not be very noticeable as it is, but when you have trouble breathing because it's so thick and busy-yeah-you might want to think about a weed whacker on those suckers.

If you cough and it sounds like you are murdering a hyena, you may want to consider walking out of the otherwise silent office before giving us all heart attacks.

Orange lipstick only looks good on black girls with creamy dreamy wonderfully pretty skin. Not on you, who is whiter than I am.

If you are a woman and your hair is thinning, growing it past your butt does not make it appear more full. In fact, it just looks stringy. Yes, I'll take you with me when I give the orange lipstick lady a makeover.

If I smile and say hi to you in the bathroom-smile and say hi back. I know we are in a small space, but that's why it's all the more awkward for me to retreat into the stall when you've just stared at me blankly with your mouth gaping open, you weirdo.

I can see your underwear daily. I'm not looking, but it's just there. Dude, pull up your pants.

And last but not least, if you want me to book your travel reservations to obscure towns in Kentucky, you must, must, must spell the town at least a little like it is really spelled. I don't know where Moopsville is. Yes. Really. That's what he wrote.

3 comments:

OrioleGal9 said...

You had my office in hysterics while I read your post today!

Sounds interesting!

T

kristarella said...

You're hilarious! We have a cougher/hacker at my work, it's nasty. I don't understand the pants at the bottom of the ass, that's not what they're for and I don't know how they stay up.

StillWater said...

Wow, thats interesting that a woman consumes over 4 to 9 lbs of lipstick in her lifetime! Here is the link that I found that shows all of the research:

http://www.lipink.com/lipstick_wax_s/6510.htm&Click=33586