Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Tune In Tokyo

I blame the porn. It's really a shame when a good girl goes bad...

So there I was, shopping away in a well known department store... shoes, sweaters and funky skirts alike dazzling me with every turn.

And then...

I saw a mannequin. And she was naked. And. She had nipples.

And without even thinking about it, as I walked by her, my hand went up and touched one.

And. People saw me. (!)

First of all-when did mannequins acquire nipples? I mean, they don't even have heads for goodness sake, and most of the time...sans appendages. Clearly, these are man made-and by this I do not mean human made-I mean testosterone dripping, nipple making, man made.

Nipples on a mannequin. Craziness.

And to my defense-I touch EVERYTHING. I love texture.

I once made a buzzer go off in the metropolitan museum of Art in NYC because my hand got too close to an exhibit.

Every time I leave the movie theater my hand drags across the corduroy-like walls.

And buttons of every kind are no match for these fingers.

So seeing the eraser sized bumps on a headless stump was pretty inviting. The plastic was smooth and clean, and-who wouldn't want to touch it?

(I'm pretty much the only one, huh? Oh man, that's what I thought.)

When I realized what I did, I almost peed myself laughing. My whole body was shaking with laughter and my eyes were tearing. I went into the dressing room (b/c it was the closest exit away from the couple who saw me do it) and cracked up. I sounded kind of like Donald Duck because I was trying to hold it in. Luckily, I was finally able to gain composure and even managed to buy a pair of pants.

...I totally blame the porn. Looks like this good girl's ready to get down with the gangsta's.


One who listens said...

The deleterious effects of porn have been investigated thoroughly, little Mags.

I must admit that I've never seen nipples on a mannequin, and in central London they change the displays regularly, so there's always at least one shop in a row of them which has nude mannequins in the window, but I suspect that I'd be able to avoid checking to see what the nipples felt like. :)

So yes, I'm afraid it's just you.

Say hello to the gangstas from me. See if they remember me. ;)


PS. I laughed out loud when I you said you'd set a buzzer off in a museum. hee hee.

GMadrid said...


Hamel said...

Too bad you weren't trying to strike up a conversation with said mannequin.

Mags, that is too funny. I can only imagine the looks on people's faces.

Mags said...

Owl, I thought you'd be on my side. I thought you'd at leas TRY to make me feel better about it...with a story about a friend of your girly's or something. But no...

Gmad: I thought you would get a laugh outta that.

Hamel: I know. It was so rude of me-I should have at least bought her dinner. But THAT is where I would truly be considered a freak. "Yes, I'll have the chicken and for my 'friend' here...

T. said...

LOL. Reminds me of that movie with Jennifer Lopez, the Wedding Planner, when the guy gets his hand superglued to the roman statue's parts. Try to avoid touching mannequins in the future:)

C-Unit said...

Mags, I think you should re-think your answer from #2 yesterday!! I really really really wish I could have been there to see that. Soooo Funny!!!

Mags said...

C-Unit, somehow I KNEW someone was going to mention that.

But men have nipples too, you know. And according to my book, they like them to be touched just as much as girls!


C-Unit said...

But im sure the mannequin wasnt a man! Did you have that answer planned out just in case? Hehe

Mags said...

(Hangs her head in shame)

No, no it wasn't a man....

megan said...

You are indeed "pretty much the only one", Sorry!

I have also noticed nipples on mannequins and I just don't get it. Don't most women wear bras to prevent nipple protrusion? I do.
Why in the world would anatomically correct breasts be more important than arms or heads?
Maybe a lot of people (especially mannequin designers) are being influenced by porn like you Mags.

I'm just glad that you, me, and the people that watched you fondle the headless, armless female body got a great big laugh.

What would you do if you saw the statue of "David" ?? nevermind, forget I asked.

Mags said...

Megan-you are one funny girl!


Oh, and yeah, I totally got thrown out of the Louvre when I was there....

(Just kidding)

Flipper said...

LOL your right i did get a good laugh outta that one...and u know, i like texture too but...come on lol!!!!!!!!! (prolly would have too but not alone) wish i couldda seen it =-) lol

kristarella said...

Heh, that's classic.

It reminds me of a scene in the movie Daredevil where the lawyer guy is standing on the staircase of the grand hotel, his hand starts on the beak of this weird marble bird thing and then moves down to a curved bit. No he wasn't looking what he was doing and yes he was rubbing the breast of the marble "double breasted bird". The posh people at the party were a little perturbed.

On the subject of porn, there is a World of Warcraft rendition of a muppets song renamed The Internet is for Porn - Google it, it's funny!

One who listens said...

Mags said: "But men have nipples too, you know. And according to my book, they like them to be touched just as much as girls!"

I think I can safely contradict you there, however.

I do not like mine being touched in any way, shape or form. I find it very uncomfortable.

Hmmm. On a worrying note, the verification word is onjbno, which sounds quite worrying, really.

Owl. :)

Mags said...

Owl, be honest with you, I haven't found a man who will admit that he likes it if indeed, that statement is true. So yeah, I see where you are coming from!

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