“I just talked to the courthouse. Why didn’t you file our papers? This is very important and you didn't file them.”
“I most certainly did. They were filed the day after you were served.”
“They don’t have them. We can’t keep prolonging this. Do you realize what this means? We won’t be divorced for another 6 months if we don’t get this straightened out. How could you do this? I knew I should have taken care of it myself.”
He was always like that-making it seem like everything was her fault, and that he smarter. He always took other people’s sides, but never hers. She knew she should not expect support now, but even still, it stung.
“I did file them. I will call them. We will be divorced. Everything will be fine.” She spoke in an even, clipped tone, as if she were speaking to a child. Sometimes she felt this was the only way to get to him.
“Don’t talk to me like I’m in idiot. YOU'RE the one who made the mistake!”
A tiny smirk appeared on her face. “It gets him every time” she thought.
“Ok. I’m not doing this. I’m at work. I’ll go to the courthouse on my lunch break and I’ll call you back when I’m done. Bye!”
And with that, she hung up. She was sure she would hear more about the fact that she hung up on him later, but at this point, she did not care.
Why was he so bossy? And who did he think he was, calling her up while she was at work just to yell at her about a mistake that she did not make. She did file the papers.
“I did, right? What if I gave them to the wrong people? What if I didn’t sign them right. Oh God. This sucks. Why does he always make me second guess what I do?” She was panicking.
Although she originally did not want the divorce, now that it had been discovered that he had a mistress, she needed it to be over as soon as possible. She was not sure how she was going to get through, or even if she could, but she was anxious to give it a try.
After a few minutes of tiding up her desk, she pushed her chair back and walked into her boss’s office.
“I have to leave for an hour or so. The court is claiming they don’t have my divorce papers on file, and we’re scheduled to be in court in 3 weeks.”
“Ok…I’m sure you can just call them though, right? You don’t have to go down there.” He was trying to tell her that he did not want her gone from the office for that long.
“No, I have to go down in person. I want to make sure that I see the paperwork and that everything is ok. It needs to be done. I’m going to leave now.” Her voice was forceful, letting him know that this was not an optional request.
“Ok. Hurry back.”
“I will. Thanks.” She grabbed her purse and keys and ran out of the office.
It was a warm, sunny day in June. The sun was high and there were hardly any clouds in the sky. “A great day to go to court.” She thought to herself and laughed.
“Why did this happen?” and her conversation with God began.
“I know that I’m not the most devout person in the world, and that I have done things that you aren’t proud of, and I could live my life in a better way-but why me? Why did I have to meet him and fall in love and go through all of this? Why did you put me with him and him with me? Why did you give him a depression that crippled our lives and then heal him only to take him away again? Why God? Why is this my life? Why don’t I deserve to be happy? Can’t You grant me happiness? That’s all I want God, that’s all…please help me.”
She was crying, her silent prayer echoing in her head. As she arrived at the courthouse, she looked over at the harbor across the street. Though it had not rained, she saw a rainbow.
Clear, and strong, and vibrant.
And she knew she would be ok.