Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Have Your Cake...

I came home from Barnes and Noble last night with my books double bagged. You wanna know why?

I bought porn. Ok, not porn, but surely it was swanky enough for them to double bag my stuff.

I really don't even know why I went to Barnes and Noble in the first place. Thanks to DinaLove, I have billions of fantastic books to keep me happy for months. But, like always, I found myself standing in the middle of the store, drunk with the "new book" smell that only a select few REALLY appreciate. I must've been pulled in by an invisible force, guiding me to it's evil center.

And, when in BaN, I typically wander aimlessly for about half an hour, peaking around shelves and investigating who's in what section, and what are they looking at. I usually find that if I wander long enough, I will either:

A. Be interrupted by my BaN MaN or
B. Be extremely shocked and delighted (simultaneously) to find a biker dude in the gardening section.

Today, perhaps I was the one doing the shocking.

So, there I was, wandering-knowing I didn't need any books, my head still reeling from trying to figure out how exactly I ended up in the bookstore. Again. With 16 new books to read, plus the 2 I'm currently reading.

Yet. I. Can't. Leave. Books. Pretty. Books. New. Shiny. Yummy. Must. Buy. Books.

I found the porn section and started flipping through the "1000 Ways To Please Your Man In Bed" books (or something like that).

Really officer, I don't know how I got there. I must've taken a wrong turn back at the gardening stack...

So, there I was, tucked in the corner of the store-browsing sexy titles, picture books and videos*, as a girl who was, in my opinion far too young to know what sex was, let alone be touching porn, hastily returned a book to the shelf right next to me. It was pretty-a red velvet cover, wrapped in clear plastic. Those of you who truly know me will not find it hard to understand why I immediately snatched it up. It's name:

A Piece of Cake

Incidentally, it claims to have the "Recipes for female sexual pleasure".

So, along with some other titles, I took the Cake book to my favorite chair and proceeded to read 1/2 of the book. Right there. In BaN. I also managed to read all of another book. It was an easy read. And I was very interested in the subject matter-see example above.

When I realized that I was reading the entire book, I decided to purchase it. One of the chapters suggested some additional reading-merely for research purposes-and who am I to stand in the way of research? So I purchased that as well. This, I believe, was the reason for the double bagging.

So, it's official. Though there are no pictures in the swanky book, I got double bagged. It's all downhill (or uphill depending on the way you look at it!) from here.

And also girls-I highly recommend taking that wrong turn at the gardening stack. Sometimes, it's good to be bad. (It says so right here on page 25....)

*There were 2 men sitting at Starbucks right next to me, watching every move I made. They seemed very interested in which books I was choosing. So-when I was leaving the section, I winked at them. One blushed, the other looked embarrassed. I, on the other hand, felt fantastic.


Hawaiianmark said...

That is tooooo damn cute.

And yes, it does look like a whales tail as well.

The wave, damn it, the wave!

- When the Lady C had her time o' da month, it was always me who bought the Tampax. She always asked, (after 30 years, youd think shed remember hearing once or twice) "Arent you embarassed?"

I always answered - "They better know that its not for me!"

Can she borrow a copy?


Mags said...

Mark: The wave! The wave! Right...

And you smile a lot. I'm not sure Lady C need that book! 8-)

One who listens said...

I know exactly what you mean by the new book smell. Only yesterday, I instructed my girly's eldest to smell the pages of a new book that I had just bought.

He looked suspiciously at me, but he acknowledged that yes, it did smell new, and yes, it was nice, but could I let him watch TV in peace?

I had a book similar to that many moons ago, when I was a wayward youth, which demonstrated the best way to turn women on.

Of course, I have no use for it right at this moment, but the minute my girly and I get hitched (and are away from prying eyes), the techniques in that book are going to be checked for accuracy. :)


Mags said...


Your girly will appreciate it, I am certain!

Tell me when you're getting married and I'll babysit for ya!

(Do you pay for the commute?)

Hamel said...

What a great story, Mags. Too darn cool. Really.

Mags said...

Thank Hammy,

I did tell Mr. CM that I felt cool today. But right after that the top button of my blazer popped off, exposing myself, thus taking away any "cool" feelings.

Though-I think flashing is covered in chapters 5 and 6.