Saturday, December 17, 2005

Tears On My Blog

When something tragic happens to someone you love, how do you react? Is it immediate or more of a slow burn? Are your feelings out in the open or do you tend to hide them well? What does your reaction say about you?

I don't know the answer to that last question, and I wish that I did. Not that knowing the answer would change who I am or how I react, but it would give me some insight on what makes up the person I call Me.

In times of crisis I tend to be reserved; I show no panic, no tears. I plot in my head the things that need to happen now to make the situation better, often knowing that nothing I can do will accomplish that. I sometimes wonder what people think when they see my reaction-or lack there of.

When told that my grandfather died in 1999, I simply asked at what time and if he was sleeping, and walked into the bathroom and sat on the floor quietly thinking about him for a half an hour. I then thanked God for taking him softly, said a prayer and told my Papa that I loved him...and went on with my day.

People expect you to cry. They expect you to fall on the floor, whaling and screaming and cursing. But I don't. And I don't know why.

It does not mean that I am not feeling sad, or uneasy or angry. Because I was sad. It does not mean that I loved him any less than any of my other family members who did cry. Because I do love him very much. What does it mean then?

Yesterday something horrible happened to someone I love very much; and watching the message being delivered was hard for me. I watched confusion turn to panic turn to grief turn to strength. In 30 seconds. While tragic, it was also beautiful-and I know that is strange to say. But it was. It was life. It was love. It was real.

But I am no less real. Though my love for my friend can not compare to the love this person has for him, I do love him very much. I feel pain for him, and am hurting because he is.

I suppose all of this is just my way of crying; my way of letting the feelings of "I can do nothing" out. Tears come in many forms. The important thing is that they come. And that we face them. And that we let them go.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Under The Weather

(There may be a post later)

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Zippy Twinkle Toes

What's your Elf name?
Post your answers-share in the silly fun!
I am:
Zippy Twinkle Toes

House Broken: Part 9

He was working as an engineer on the steam train that day and looked particularly adorable in his light blue denim overalls. She loved the way he seemed born to drive the train-the way his soul actually glowed when he was in the cab, driving guests around the theme park on a train that was a piece of history.

On this day, the air was warmer than usual and the sun was relentlessly bright. The lack of a breeze made her skin sticky and she was very uncomfortable in her costume.

The train station was just above her work location, and when the trains were idol, she could see the engineers in their cabs. Three trains ran that day, and his was now in the station.

He tooted the whistle once, signifying that the train would be leaving shortly. It is a sound that will forever hold a special place in her heart-a high pitched steam infused toot, with the after effect of steam billowing out of the train. When she looked up at the station, he was leaning out of the cab, looking back at her.

“C’mon up!” he motioned.

She shook her head no and laughed, pointing to the turnstiles that she had to stay near.

“Come ride with me” he yelled, breaking the rules and calling attention to himself and to our courting.

“I can’t! I am not on break!” But as she said that, her relief came over and told her to take her break.

He gave her a thumbs up as he tooted the horn again, letting the conductors know that it was last call, the train would be leaving soon.

As she climbed the last step to the train station platform, he stepped out of the cab and extended his hand.

“You’re chariot awaits, my dear.” He said in his best Prince Charming voice.

She lowered her eyes and gave him her best “I want to be your Cinderella” look and finished it off with her sparkling smile. “Thank you” and she took his hand.

The inside of the train’s cab was extremely hot, as it was a true coal running steam train. Teams of 2 people drove the train in shifts throughout the day, maintaining the fire and keep a schedule. They also cooked hot dogs.

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

“Yes, but I won’t have time to eat.”

“Sure you will” and he opened the hatch to reveal bright orange embers. Set on top was a tin foil packet filled with juicy hot dogs, waiting for her to indulge.

Laughing, she asked, “Did you plan this for us? A hot dog luncheon on this here train?” she asked in a Southern accent.

“Yes ma’am, I sure did! I even brought the buns!”

It was outrageously silly and off the wall things such as these that made her want to be near him. She wanted to soak up every detail of his quirky mind, of his crazy antics and unique sense of humor.

“Well, thank you. I do believe this is the craziest most original date I’ve ever had. And I love hot dogs!”

She stayed with him and his partner for 3 rounds and 2 hot dogs and then she had to go. Her shift was almost over and she wanted to be sure she relieved her friends before going home.

“Thanks again for lunch and the ride. It was a nice change. I really liked it.” She was beaming-obviously excited about the attention he was showering on her.

“Anytime. I’ll see you around, ok?” He looked around quickly, and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. It tasted salty, like the hot dogs they just ate for lunch.

As the train pulled away, she closed her green eyes and let the sounds and smells of the moment envelope her whole being, allowing her to once again appreciate how lucky she was to be standing where she was, and that the engineer of the train that was pulling away liked her.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Googled Again

Today I had scads of people (ok, not scads...4) visit me from Google searches. But that's a lot more than usual. What where they searching for?

The every popular: Tourrettes Syndrome

And then...Silly Laws and Lipgloss (HUH?)

Addicted to plucking

And, Eye Ulcer

Yesterday I had a few people visit because they were searching for the Transiberian Orchestra, Carol of the Bells, and also Blind.

The Hairigami is also getting me some hits. Nice.

It also appears someone yesterday had a hankering for ice cream and Googled "Maggie Moo" (for the ice cream place) and I pop up there now too.

I know, I'm a geek, but it really makes me smile when I show up on Google.

Should I just post random words here and there to get more hits?

Beer, sex, flamingos, Trafalgar Square, rhinoceros, Playdoh, Tequila, Hairy Dogs, Third Base, Hand lotion, Cold and flu season and Christmas trees.

Let's see what I come up with now!

(Yeah, I know. I already SAID I was a geek)

Golden Balls and Itchy Feet

Do people really still go bowling? I was amazed yesterday when I drove past a bowling alley (at 9:30am!) and saw like, 25 or 30 cars in the lot. Who are these people and why are they bowling at 9:30am?

Do any of you know chronic bowlers? I’ve known of people on bowling leagues. But these are people who have other things in their lives and typically join the league with friends and a promise of free beer. And maybe a trophy.

But at 9:30am on a Tuesday, there were at least 25 people bowling. At 9:30am. And that’s not even counting the other people they may have brought along with them. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’ve never woken up and thought, “Yesterday was a really shitty day. I’m callin’ in sick and I’M GOIN’ BOWLING DAMN IT!” Nope. Not me. I’d choose maybe, um…shopping. Perhaps for shoes that don’t require disinfectant prior to wearing them…freakin’ bowling. Are you kidding me?

Who are the people who bowl at 9:30am on a Tuesday? Let’s see…I’d say someone named Biff and probably Chuck. Their wives Candy and Sue tag along and chain-smoke in the corner (though I think it’s now illegal in there too…but I could be wrong). Sue is prego-Candy is doing her nails in the same white trash pink I spoke of last week. They’re looking forward to having lunch with their men: Cheese dogs and beer.

Do these people really exist?!?! I almost wanted to forgo my eye exam just so I could go in and observe.

I know, I know…some people bowl for a living. They train vigorously day in and day out, picking up balls, swinging their arms and practicing that cool, “I just got a strike” hand move that’s always followed by a “YESSSSSS” or a “Who’s number one?!” (I know you know what I’m talkin’ about, so don’t even try to deny it.) But I find it hard to believe that the people I saw parked in this particular bowling alley are some of the world’s best bowling contenders.

And do the world’s best bowling contenders still look like my stereotypes? Or did they “clean up good” once they won their first golden ball? Did they switch their Bud Ice for Guinness or Sam Adams? Do they snack on honey-roasted cashews instead of corn nuts? Do they-gasp-wash their hands after playing?

Oh, to know the details of a chronic bowlers life…

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Toosdae ?'s

1. Would you rather slip on a banana peel and crack your tailbone or be attacked by a herd of squirrels?

2.Would you prefer to go to the doctor, the dentist or go sky diving?

3. Have you ever cheated on a test? Tell me about it.

1. This is a tough question because right off the bat I think, "No WAY would I want a herd of squirrels all over me." But then I started thinking about the whole length of time in pain aspect of this question and a tailbone takes a while to heal. You also would have trouble sitting down, laying down, and well, moving. So, after careful consideration folks, I'd take the squirrels. Bring it you furry little nut lovers!

2. Ever been on a motorcycle? You know how sometimes, bugs fly into your face? I think it would 500 billion times worse when sky diving. But birds might be involved. And as some of you know, I have a freakish addiction to lip balm. This has nothing to do with sky diving. It has to do with the dentist. Even thinking about his chalky rubber gloves resting on my lips for a 1/2 hour is making me uncomfortable. So, I'd choose the doctor. Even if I was getting a shot, I think it would be better than the other 2.

3. I haven't blatenly cheated, no. My freshman year in high school I sat diagonally in back of (on the right side) the smartest girl in school. She was a junior, and lucky for me, she was right handed. One day we had a pop quiz and I didn't study and while I was (truthfully) looking around in space trying to conjure up the Spanish words for the English ones on the paper, I saw smart girl write the first letter of the word, which made me remember the word I needed. She happened to be on the same questions as I was and so though she didn't give me the answer, she gave me clues...I think I got a 95%.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Deal Gone Bad

What is the thing in your life that makes you stop and say, "Wow. I'm in a completely different spot than I thought I'd be."

For me it's today: 12/12

Today's the day I was married. Isn't that freaky? Though I have memories and it does have meaning, it's so strange for me to think of myself as someone who's been married. Especially because my life today is so different and I've experience so many wonderful things NOT being married it makes me shiver to think I may have not experienced them.

It also makes me shiver to think I could still be married to Matt. I know, I know, it sounds mean. But he was really rather dull in comparison to people I've met over the last 2 1/2 years I've been divorced. In fact, I just stumbled upon something he wrote and thought, "This is so without passion".

In true Maggie fashion, here are some good things I remember:

1. Woo Hoo and the chase.
2. The Christmas Parade. (You may get some of this in House Broken...)
3. "You'd better let me sign these fiance is about to have an E.P.I.S.O.D.E!"
4. Slow dancing in our new room.
5. Mr. Roboto
6. Cramming into the minivan to see if we'd all fit for our NYC trip before the wedding.
7. Buying me the perfect bouquet, even though it was too expensive, just because I loved it so much.
8. Telling me you didn't get a piece of cake b/c you knew I'd give you mine and then watching the video later and seeing you had at least 4! (This still makes me giggle)
9. "DO YOU SEE THESE TEE-SHIRTS? I'M THE GROOOOM AND SHE'S THE BRIIIIDE....(mater of factly) we're getting on that plane."
10. "We came all the way from America just so I could buy Smarties from this store...please let us in." and then..."Wow. I can't believe that fucking worked!"

So, here's to memories, but also, here's to deals gone bad.

Looking forward to more days filled with passion and laughter, and less with tears and frustration.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Weekend Randomivity

Warning! Radomivity below:

If you have balls big enough to wear a Santa suit AND marry someone who wears a hat that resembles crazy blue fraggle rock hair, be a little more lively. There's a certain amount of "This dude's gonna entertain me" that goes along with dressing crazy. Follow through or get off the boat.

It's nice to see that employees are kept in line and seem happy to work in a retail location. It's not nice to hear a manager scold a very attentive salesman because he went out of his way to help me. It's nice to see said manager turn red when I replied, "I for one appreciate the extra service and am definitely going to come back here because of Tim's generosity."

100 Calorie Oreo packs are a great idea if you are watching what you eat, but only if you are not a hard core chocolate lover-they're less chocolatey than Teddy Grahams. If you are a crunch lover like me though, you'll like 'em.

Having neighbors who help you shovel can make your heart explode with happiness. Especially if you live in my crappy ass neighborhood with Scary Boo and the Mean Disability Lady.

Thong underwear can make you crack up more than once. Especially if they really weren't there in the first place.

You're next tour will be clowns! Only have 1 leg? GREAT! We'll take you...deaf and mute? No problem!! C'mon in!

It's funny to hear a man call a woman a slob in the middle of the Christmas Tree Shop. It's even funnier when she goes back to argue that she only knocked over the display because she lost her kids and doesn't have time to clean it up...and continues to argue when the man finally replies, "If you have time to argue you slob, you have time to pick this up." and walked away. Merry Fucking Christmas you slob!

Being let in on a secret (YOU know who you are..yup, you...YES, you!) makes me feel special.

Muddy water...gone!

If you call me and leave frantic messages on my phones, SOMEONE BETTER BE DEAD. That's all I'm sayin.

Having a friend give me his honest opinion on something close to my heart makes me grateful for his friendship.

I liked it a lot. tmitntlytmif.tmyap.

Oh How I Love Thee

Oh Mr. Cableman, how I love thee.

Thank you for re-connecting my cable so that I can once again stare blankly into the nothingness they call "entertainment". Thank you for unlocking the door to hours upon hours of "secret" family recipes on the Food Network and riveting, life changing stories on TLC.

Thank you Mr. Cableman for giving me the power to lay for hours surfing through infomercial after infomercial, making me realize that I too, can have the body of a 20 year old supermodel and also make a smoothie in under 15 seconds. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for without this 'education' I might have otherwise perished.

Oh, Mr. Cableman, you gave my freedom back to me the other day when you reconnected my telelvision, my portal to laziness; my eternal link to another world-freedom to do nothing on a random Wednesday night and perhaps a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Oh, Mr. Cableman, how I love thee...