Saturday, October 29, 2005

The Upside of Anger

Ok. I'll admit it. I feel cheated. I was totally prepared to hate the entire movie, "The Upside of Anger". And it didn't take very much to hate the first 2 1/2 hours. I was starting to think that the upside to anger was actually that you'd be so angry you watched this movie, that you'd kill yourself and would therefore, no longer have to watch.

But alas, the ending came along...and I didn't hate it. In fact, the message was pretty good...(I still would not recommend this movie)

People don't know how to love. They bite rather than kiss. They slap rather than stroke. Maybe it's because they recognize how easy it is for love to go bad; to become suddenly impossible, unworkable, an exercise of futility.

So they avoid it and seek solace in angst, and fear, and aggression, which are always there and readily available. Or maybe sometimes, they just don't have all the facts.

Anger and resentment can stop you in your tracks. That's what I know now. It needs nothing to burn but the air and the life that it swallows and smothers. It's real, though-the fury, even when it isn't. It can change you, turn you, mold you and shape you into something you're not. The only upside to anger, then, is the person you become. Hopefully someone that wakes up one day and realizes that anger, like growth, comes in spurts and fits, and in its wake, leaves a new chance at acceptance, and the promise of calm.

Warmth Amidst The Cold

Every time you remember something good about a bad person, you take away the power they have over you.

At least that's how I like to think about it.

I'm a believer that most people have some good in them. It may be buried so deep in that person that it takes a miracle (or anti-psychotic drugs) to uncover their goodness, but it is there.

I'm just less than a month away from my 1 year "Anniversary of Me" date, and I'm very excited. I'll save my thoughts on this for the actual day, however 1 thing made me smile last night before I went to sleep.

I remembered something sweet about Jamie.

And this does not by any chance mean that I miss him. Or that I would ever talk to him if I saw him. Or that I'm not still afraid of bumping into him. Or even that I've forgiven him yet.

But it means I'm letting go of a little bit of it.

At least that's how I like to think of it.

Last night, as I got into my cold, empty bed with my portable heater plugged in and my sweatshirt and sock clad body, I remembered when Jamie used to sneak into the bedroom about an hour before bed and slip a heating pad under my sheets to make it warm.

I don't know why...but even when he was in a bad mood or being crazy, he made sure I was warm.

I do believe I got to see a bit of his niceness.

And for that I am thankful.

Friday, October 28, 2005

X-Rated: Beware

Happy Halloween Weekend...

House Broken: Part 3

Click here to read Parts 1 & 2

"You know, it looks like you went to the wrong costume window." He said as he filled the empty seat across from her.

Her heart skipped its beat. "Why does my heart respond to him this way? I don't even know him."

"What are you talking about?" She knew he was playing, but she didn't yet understand the joke.

"Your socks. The stripes...the rolled up look like you work at Pirates." He thought the punch line was funnier than it was. Although it was midly annoying, seeing him laugh, watching his face come alive made her heart sing.

"You are very funny." She said in a flat voice with a straight face. And then she looked away. He thought she was hurt.

"Awww, c'mon-I was just kidding! I love your socks. They let me know you are a little....zany! You know, different from all the other CP's."

She liked that she was a part of a group-a group that had an abbreviated name: "CP" which was short for "College Program". What she liked even more was that she stood out of the group, and that he noticed.

This time, when she looked away, it was because she was blushing.

They were joined then by the the others-just let out from their shifts, all drained from a long day of smiles and sunshine. Everyone piled around- some squished into the booth-and all were laughing, making jokes, and planning their next stop. He was the center of attention, and she couldn't figure out why on earth he liked her.

"So are we going to Perkins first or are we going to PI first?" someone asked him.

Without missing a beat he found her green eyes through the sea of browns and blues and said, "The only thing I know is that I'm going to make her my girl this semester." many questions ran through her head...

"Did he really say that out loud?" But the people staring at her told her yes.

"Should I say something?" His unwavering gaze gave her the answer.

"Am I allowed to feel this excited about his interest?" Her heart still does not know.

Unable to hide her smile she sarcastically replied, "I don't think my boyfriend would like that very much" and walked away as he pretended to clutch his heart and he slid to the floor, not knowing that years later, this is how their love would end.

Thursday, October 27, 2005


It's tough being a kid. Working with Playdough is very stressful. So is knowing who you should color in the lines for and who will embrace your outside of the line kind of thinking. And no one can deny that gluing macaroni on a popsicle stick picture frame and coloring it with glitter is not tiring.

This is why kids get nap time. Usually around 1pm or so, the blue mats are pulled from the corner, and the children are gently urged to cuddle together and drift off into a sweet slumber-no doubt dreaming of puppies and bunnies and all things innocent. When they wake (I'm told up to 2 hours later!!) they are refreshed and wide eyed, ready to take on finger painting and all it has to offer.

And my question is this: Who decided to take nap time away once you hit grammar school? And if, by some chance, you know someone who still had nap time in grammar school-I think you'd be hard pressed to know anyone in high school who had a built in nap time-and English class doesn't count.* Even in college you learned to schedule classes so that you could resume nap time-for me it was always after my 2nd class and before lunch. Perfection.

So...what the fuck happened to nap time? (Yes, I'm using a "fuck" here, because, damn it, I really feel strongly about the nap) Where in the rules of being an adult does it read, "Nap time: Deleted from schedule"

Why are we expected to plod along, hour after hour, chipping away at the pile of work in our in boxes without the prospect of cuddling on our blue mats and dreaming of puppies and bunnies and all things innocent?

I for one, am rebelling. I urge you all to follow my lead.


Today at 1pm, shut down your computers, walk out of meetings, crawl under your desks and take back the precious "me time" that was senselessly ripped from us all those years ago.

Just don't pull a Costanza on me and ruin the whole gig...

*Hamel, you know this was for you. 8-)

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Brain Spillage

Hump day spillage:

1. People who use the whole, "Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? I can't hear you-call me back." greeting on their cell phone/answering machines suck. These people should be promptly strung up by their toes and publicly flogged. Or perhaps tickled unmercifully. Or maybe both-so one minute they're laughing, one minute they're crying...

2. It disappoints me to learn that when people get what they want from another person, they no longer make an effort.

3. It is funny to be told: "You are like a siren..luring me in with your sweet song".

4. Having a member of your family travel to your most favoritest place in the world without you is quite depressing. Luckily, I am able to pull off the, "I'm so sad I'm not going to Walt Disney World...(insert sniffle) Can you go to Basin (my fav store) and buy me something?" trick. Sweet Pea body butter-here I come!

5. You should never jump into a pile of leaves with a wet sucker. And yet...I jump.

6. Using portable heaters in a small house is a good idea. Resting your leg on it while talking to a friend on the phone? Bad idea. Ya know the lines that a chef tries to get on meat when grilling? Yeah-I got 'em on my leg. (Yes, I'm a dope, but I was COLD!)

7. The prospect of getting fitted for a "costume" again makes me excited.

8. Hershey's Take 5 candy bar is quite possibly the closest to heaven one can get while eating chocolate. There where witnesses-I did fall down. I like Megan's interpretation of-"It's not the name, it's a serving suggestion." If you love of pretzels as much as I do, I highly recommend you run out and get your grubby little hands on Five this minute.

9. I hired an employee yesterday-yay for me!! Unfortunately, he will not make my job any easier. On the bright side, I do have another candidate who I will be making an offer to today, and several other people who may complete the hiring frenzy that has become my life.

10. The idea of having a full staff again is making me nauseous. I haven't known what this is like for over 2 years. I may have to find a new job if it all works out...

11. My impending date night with 2 of the coolest people I know is one of the only things getting me through this crappy ass week. What else makes it exciting? Wine AND margaritas will be readily available AND we're going to the bookstore after perfect is that?

12. Contrary to what some of you may or may not have seen, I don't cry a lot. Seeing overweight grown men embrace each other in tears-makes me bawl. Suprisingly, "The Biggest Loser" is a tear jerker. Who knew?!

13. Is anyone dressing up for Halloween this year?

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Toosdae ?'s

Answer these questions, yo!

1. If you could look like any celebrity who would it be and why?

2. Name 2 simple things that never fail to make you smile.

3. Who is the best cook in your family and what do they cook?

1. I think I would choose Demi Moore in "Striptease". Why? She was in great shape, but not a "hard body" for this movie, and quite frankly, she's got fabulous boobs. Her hair also looks great-long and shiny. It's a look that I feel I could easily tone down with jeans and a tee shirt but still be able to glam it up when my fantasy lover, Ben Affleck took me on the town for drinks and dancing.

2. (a.) Hearing a child laugh their uncontrollable giggly laughter and (b.) a breezy, cool fall day with a brilliant blue sky. (The 2nd one is closely followed by a good hot dog.)

3. In my immediate family, hands down it's me. And I think the best thing I make is chocolate cake with sweet cream frosting. It never seems to disappoint and I haven't met anyone who didn't like it. But in my extended family, I have an Aunt who can make a can of peas taste like a delicacy-she's pretty amazing in the kitchen. Her chicken cordon bleu is fantastic-with a sherry cream sauce that makes you cry it's so good.

Monday, October 24, 2005

The Bus Stops Here

We were honored to have met you that day...

I Need An Agent...

Yes, it's official, I am going to be famous.

I have been commissioned to play one Mrs. Nicholas on board the LA Dunton in this year's Lantern Light Tours in Mystic, CT.

I am in the process of assembling a posse...

Yay me! (And Judy and Git-er-Dunn too!) Yay!

This is gonna be the bestest Christmas season EVER!

Any family and friends who would like to come? I'd LOVE to see you all there!!!

Vote No To NP's

Nose pickers should be fined. If it's illegal to dial a cell phone or eat while driving, it should also be illegal to pick your nose while driving.

In my opinion, this practice should be kept explicitly private anyway, and it should always involve a tissue and be done under the guise of being sick. But when done in your vehicle, it should be illegal.

I'm not a big nose picker myself, so it's hard for me to see life from a pickers-point-o-view. It's hard for me to understand why a NP would think it's OK to dig while driving. It's also difficult for me to understand why having one's finger lodged in their nostril while driving is not illegal and holding a phone is. (Fingers can get stuck up there, after all, hindering maneuverability of the vehicle.)

And you can't say there's a concentration factor, because-well, have you SEEN some of these NP's? I mean, they really go for the gold-it's like they've been training their whole lives just to get that one boogie out at that very moment. I once saw a man sporting wrist bands on both wrists dig like there was no tomorrow. When he accomplished his task, his passenger dumped a cooler of Gatorade over him and they high fived.

You can't tell me that this has never caused an accident.

And if picking and driving isn't going to be illegal, NP's should at least get fined for public picking. If I am stopped in traffic and glance over to the car next to me and witness a NP in action-there should be some room for a citizen's arrest or a call to The Boogie Busters or something-'cause no one needs to see that.

Nose Pickers beware. We're mad, and we're not gonna take it anymore.

Sunday, October 23, 2005


There is always more to say, always more to talk about and yet the words never come out when they are supposed to. They linger in my brain, rattle around, making noise so I can not hear my own thoughts...

And then it's too late-too late to let them free, too loud to be heard and no longer relevant to the days progress. Instead, they go stale, never knowing what it's like to be spoken aloud, always being the understudies to easier, more cowardice words.

And waiting in the wings, unable to perform, they die.

And the earth still spins, and lives go on. And the words-they are gone forever...

Show Me The Moneyyyyyy!!!

Not bad for only 4 months of mindless brain spew, huh?

My blog is worth $3,387.24.
How much is your blog worth?

...I'll take it in big bills por favor.
Thanks Monty!

Feel Good Sunday

"Don't tell me the sky is the limit, there are footsteps on the moon."