Saturday, October 15, 2005

Pious Ponderings

What is your religion, or who is your God, or what do you believe in? Do you participate in organized worship or do you have rituals of your own or nothing at all? Do you generally surround yourself with people of like religious beliefs? To what extent? Would you befriend someone with radical religious beliefs? What about making them a life partner? What would make you not choose someone as a friend or partner regarding religion?

I am asking not only because I truly am curious what all of you believe in and who you are, but also because I recently read something that left me with a funny feeling. Here is a bit of the letter:
"As far as religion goes, I was raised Catholic but I am not practicing, as they would say. I disagree with a lot of the policies and practices of the Catholic Church, so I don't foresee me actively practicing as a Catholic again. I have thought about pursuing other possibilities such as the Lutheran church, but at this moment, I haven't really pursued any other organized religions."

There's something very lackadaisical about this letter-something very "I don't have time to find direction". Does anyone else get that feeling from reading this? Perhaps I am being unfair to you, as I have read other thoughts and comments from this person and it may be that I am picking up on a trend.

I am also Catholic. I do not agree with everything the Catholic church stands for or teaches, however I still attend mass frequently enough to consider myself a practicing Catholic. I'm just wondering how many of the teachings go against the letter writers beliefs, at what point did he realize it and what was the breaking point?

And if he feels so strongly about not practicing a religion he doesn't agree with, why has he not pursued finding one that he does?

I am in no way a holy roller. I swear, I'm mean, I've been greedy and I succumb to jealousy. Most of the people I love do not attend church on a regular basis-some refuse to go at all. I know that a religion doesn't have to be in a church and my God doesn't have to be yours. But I believe that in order to have balance-in order to preserve a well of hope, it's imperative to have (a) faith.

I suppose what I am looking for is some advice. Am I looking too far into this? Did you get the same impression from the letter?

Friday, October 14, 2005

Cleanin House

To Whom It May Concern:

Please note that in the unlikely event that anything should happen to me in the next few days I would like you to know the following:

1. I am not usually a messy person. I was sick from Friday, October 7 through Thursday, October 13. Due to this fact, my home is not in its usually tidy manner.
2. Also due to my illness I neglected to turn on my sump pump, allowing massive amounts of water to collect in my basement. Said water damaged the furnace in my home, effectively knocking out my hot water. Without hot water, I am unable to:
a. Do dishes. Cold water simply will not clean as well as hot water and therefore my dishwasher and my sink are full of dirty dishes.
b. Bathe. I have heated several pans of water to a temperature of my liking, however nothing cleans better than a steady stream of water. Dipping a mug into a pot and pouring it over my head, as you may be aware, is not the most effective way of bathing.
3. Also due to the water in the basement, a long, blue garden hose is snaked through my hallway into my bathroom where it is draining into my washing machine. To protect the laminate flooring in my home, random beach towels are strewn haphazardly under the hose.

Also note, that if said illness had not occurred, the state of my home would not be in question and I would harbor no fear of your impression of the way in which I live my life.

Thank you in advance for your understanding during this untidy time.

I look forward to not dying in the near future so that I may promptly rectify the situation.

If you have any question, please feel free to ask.

Thank you.



The ark jokes have to stop. It was funny at the beginning of the week when Mr. CM said it on his blog-but the thousands I am hearing from everyone else now are just over the top.

You are not original. I've heard them all before-most likely just 5 minutes ago from some other schmuck who thinks they are funny.

Either be original and think of the joke before everyone else-or be quiet!

It rains sometimes. Buy an umbrella.

Thank you very much for your time.


Mucky Waters Run Clear

I am sure you can relate to those days-maybe even weeks, months or God forbid years-that you feel as though you angered some saint or guardian angel and now they're getting you back.

That's how this past week was for me. Being sick and basically isolated except for a few phone calls from family and friends and a trip to the doctor, I started to feel lonely. And bored. And tired of laying around waiting to feel better. And I whined to my God asking for Him to help me feel better.

And then my basement flooded. It rained so steadily that it poured into my basement in record volume-past the knees! In fact, it was so high that it climbed a step-so high that it knocked my furnace out and shut off any hope of having hot water. Or heat. And it guaranteed a visit from the furnace doctor. And, it made my house smell like oil.

This story has a happy ending however, because I am blessed to have such wonderful friends. I am continuously humbled by their generosity and the depths of their hearts. I sit in awe of a family who, faced with their own "I pissed off a saint" week, skips no beat to wade through mucky, oily water, simply so that I do not have to. (Ok. There's a small part of me that knows he just wanted to go to Home Depot-but otherwise, I'm serious.)

I've also been blessed with other wonderific friends, some old, some new, some I didn't even know I had. A friend who makes me constantly laugh, even when I want to bury my head and cry, a friend who sees things a mom would see, but treats me like an adult, a friend who reacts to my jokes with big laughs and lifts my spirits b/c I lifted his, a friend who is silent until he sees I'm in need and in his silent way, makes me know he's there. I am even blessed with a friend who doesn't even interact with me daily but always seems to pop up at just the right time-somehow using her 'oldest friend' powers to know that I need her. And of course, my silly, silly sisters, who are the dearest friends of all, who know when to back off and let me be alone.

My basement is draining, my heat will be fixed. But know that I love you all very much, and that you are the reason I smile and the reason my heart beats.

Corny-I know-I'll be cynical again soon, k?

House Broken: Part 1

She knew even before he walked in the door what was going to happen. She could sense it-long before he told her his doubts-maybe even before they said their vows. It was something she kept deep inside of her, hoping no one would take the time to look; to take the time to see the wounds she kept hidden.

The door opened and his eyes darted past hers. Cold air blew violently through the hallway, letting her know he was leaving again; he hadn't shut the garage door.

She stood still, barely breathing, not knowing what to do. "How has it come to this?" she thought. "This isn't supposed to be my life."

"Hey" he said, in his newly learned coolness. "I'm going to throw in some laundry and then we can talk."

"Ok." she mumbled, already thinking of what she was going to do to survive when he left.

Later in the garage, he sat in his chair smoking his God awful cigars-the ones that he insisted on smoking, mainly, she was sure, because he knew she hated them so much. She sat on the step, hugging the banister-her only comfort, the cold, splintery wood.

"You're the best friend I've ever had. And probably the best friend I ever will have. You make me laugh, and I know you'd do anything for anyone who needed something."

He took more time to puff. More time, she thought, to torture her; to keep control over her because he knew that he could.

"But I'm not in love with you anymore." And with that, he let out all of the smoke he was holding inside, in a slow, methodical way.

She cried instantly-something she rarely did when faced with sadness. Tears rolled down her cheeks, freezing before they reached her chin leaving salty lines etched on her skin. She couldn't say anything except "Are you sure?" and realized this was absurd, even while speaking the words.

His neck stiffened and he stuck his jaw out-a gesture she hated for no reason at all. "Yes." He said, "I'm sure."

"Does that mean you want a divorce?" she whispered, barely audible, her voice choked back with tears.

Again, he stiffened and shook his head "yes".

It's hard to say what happened to her in the few seconds after she watched his answer spiral toward her through the air. She became numb, that is for sure, and her body floated-disconnected from the life she was currently living. She got a splinter from gripping the railing so hard. A tiny drop of blood came to the surface of her finger and she put it to her lips drinking in the life that was spilling from her.

"I don't want this to happen." She cried. "It can't happen."

"I can't stay married. I'm not sure I am supposed to be married to anyone."

"Is there someone else?"

No one but she would have detected it, but he paused just slightly, the way he always did when he lied. "No" he said, his neck stiff, another tell tale clue of his deceit.

She ran into the house, knowing that her fairy tale had ended, that her foot was too big to fit in the sacred glass slipper. Unable to see through her tears, she crashed into the wall, and slid to the floor.

She was sobbing when he found her and together they sat in the hallway, on opposite walls, sitting on the floor.

"I'm sorry" he said. "I can't live this lie anymore. I just can't pretend that this life is for me."

She looked at him then, knowing that the man she fell in love with didn't move back home with her-realizing that he remained only in her memories of the year when fairy tales were her life.

"Ok." She said. "What's the plan? What are we going to do?"

His plan, she learned, was mapped out months ago. He'd stay for a while until he found a new place. "The house is big enough" he claimed. Then he'd move away, taking only what he needed and she would keep the rest.

What he didn't know was that no house was ever big enough-that there would not be enough space between them for a long, long time, and that "the rest" was a lot to handle alone.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Career Fair Tips

Boys, boys everywhere! Cute boys! Boys in ties! Boys with dark hair and dark eyes! Boys with pretty smiles and charming conversations!

What a great day I had at work yesterday-even if I wasn't feeling quite up to par yet, I'll tell ya, I was surrounded by cute boys. And you all know how I love cute boys. Especially when they are all dressed up in shirts and ties! (I did some recruiting at a local job fair-really, that's what they paid me for.)

Unfortunately, I didn't bring MY resume and the position I really want filled wasn't posted on the board. Judy did offer to come and be my personal recruiter, but alas, she was tied up with "real work" duties. Geezo.

There are a few things I'd like to throw out there to those of you who DO attend job fairs. When trying to get a job:

1. You shouldn't say, "I'm just coming over here to talk to the prettiest girl in the room." Because really, though I have to admit I blush when you say this, it makes you pretty much un-hireable. First of all-have you HEARD about sexual harassment? C'mon cute boy-be smarter than that! 'Cause I gotta tell ya-I would have LIKED to have some eye candy in the office-and you have now ruined my legitimate chance. Thanks A LOT!

2. You shouldn't wear a sweat suit. Especially if it's velour and especially if it's purple and ESPECIALLY if you are an overweight middle aged man. This is wrong even if you are a woman, but it's 10 times worse being a man. Dress to impress. If sexual harassment boy can put on a tie, I'm sure you can too.

3. You should be prepared, but not TOO prepared. Though being prepared is always appreciated, I tend to be scared of those of you who rehearsed your lines in the mirror before you came. Because when you are nervous, it comes out like, "HIMANAMEISJRMYSMITHNI'MARECENTGRADUATE
And I'm just gonna laugh at you.

4. You should brush your teeth. Grit and grime are never a good thing, but piled on your teeth not only looks bad, but also smells horrid. I wouldn't hire you to scrub my shoes, let alone talk to my customers. Harsh, I know, but you burned off my eyelashes while talking to me with your dragon breath, so I think you can forgive me this time.

5. You should have a resume. And it shouldn't be crumpled, torn, smudged or incomplete. If you did not take the time to compile all of the lies you are going to tell me, how am I going to get to see your creative side, hmm?

By following these simple rules, you too, can be a successful candidate at your local job fair.

Good luck!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Shakespeare's Wack Fo Shizzle!

If Shakespeare was born in the ghetto in the 1900's instead of 1500's...

"See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!" Romeo and Juliet, 2. 2

~Would Be~

"That bitch is fine! If I wuz uh glove on dat hand-sho'nuff I might whack dat cheek. WORD!"

Men's eyes were made to look, and let them gaze. Romeo and Juliet, 3. 1

~Would Be~

"Gurrrlll-you KNOW your man is a dawg-let him peep that ho! He'll crawl his ass back to you. You know das right!"

"What angel wakes me from my flowery bed?" A Midsummer Night's Dream, 3. 1

~Would Be~

"DAMN BITCH! Git yur ass outta my crib. Sheeit."

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

9 to 1

The base word is:

Startling - starting - staring - string - sting - sing - sin - in - I
Thanks to the 3 of you who tried~


There is a common English word that is 9 letters long.

Each time you remove a letter from it, it remains an English word - from 9 letters right down to a single letter!

What is the original word, and what are the words that it becomes after removing one letter at a time?

I'd say that I have a prize for the smartest, fastest reader, but really, I'm not gonna send you anything...if I know you IRL I'll buy you a drink, how's that? If not-well, you'll just be my favorite reader of the day. >8)

Monday, October 10, 2005

Yes, we have no bananas, we have no bananas today!
Taking the day off-still not feeling well...Trying to get to a doctor.

Sunday, October 09, 2005


All of this rain this weekend made me think of a funny "I got caught in the rain" story.

As you may recall, I used to work for Walt Disney World. Though they still have "The Disney Look" guidelines, they are much less strict than when I was a cast member.

The Disney Look Book consisted of rules such as having nails trimmed to a certain length (tested by many a manager by putting a pencil eraser on the tip of your fingers), all rings must be less than the size of a quarter (who wears a huge ring like that anyway, and where's the man who can provide that size rock?), no dangle earrings and no necklaces. (That's since changed) It also states that you couldn't have facial hair (though now men can have trimmed beards-only if they grow it outside of work-no stubble).

And of course, all cast members must wear the appropriate undergarments: bras, underwear and socks or pantyhose, depending on your work locations theme.

This is where my story comes in.

Florida, as you know, is known for it's frequent flash rain storms in which the sky unloads buckets of big, heavy raindrops, in a fast and furious manner. Especially in the summer. Which is when I started my college program internship. Which is when I was most shy, most vunerable, and mostly hoping people would like me. And also-I was scared of being terminated because of not following the strict rules.

My costume as a greeter consisted of a VERY thin cotton button down shirt with blue and maroon vertical stripes. I think the background was white-but just to reiterate-it was thin.

So the skies opened up and being a greeter, I couldn't leave my post because well, I had to greet. So I got wet. Really wet. Like, hair sopping, mascara running, I just jumped in the lake, wet.

And I had on a bright blue bra.

And the shirt sucked to my body, revealing the bra in all it's bright blue splendor.

So, not only was I soaking wet, looking like a wet dog in my new job AT WALT DISNEY WORLD, but I was sort of breaking another rule by showing off my bright blue bra.

And I had to go into the office and ask my male manager if I could go down into the tunnel to wardrobe and get a new costume issued to me.

Luckily he was one of the coolest guys I've ever met and was very understanding and gave me a sweatshirt of his to wear while walking down Main Street U.S.A. and I was able to promptly change and get back to work. But I can tell you I was mortified at creating a wet tee shirt scenario as my guests entered the Magic Kingdom.

And also, it was the last time I wore the blue bra.