Saturday, August 06, 2005

Humor Test

Where do you fall? I'm the Ham. Click Here to find your style. Post your results in the comments section.
the Ham

(34% dark, 60% spontaneous, 16% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN SPONTANEOUS LIGHT

Your style's mostly goofy, innocent and feel-good. Perfect for parties and for the dads who chaperone them. You can actually get away with corny jokes, and I bet your sense of humor is a guilty pleasure for your friends. People of your type are often the most approachable and popular people in their circle. Your simple & silly good-naturedness is immediately recognizable, and it sets you apart in this sarcastic world.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Will Ferrell - Will Smith

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:


You scored higher than 5% on dark


You scored higher than 99% on spontaneous


You scored higher than 0% on vulgar

Friday, August 05, 2005

10 Things...

Here is some randomivity from the last few days:

1. Civil War Reenactors are freaks. Today I witnessed grown men roll play with each other, which included 1 man (who must have a very small penis) screaming at the other to "drill" and "clean the guns". The weird part is that there were no guests in our area. The park had not yet even opened.
2. Sometimes you see something beautiful and when you see it, it may make you think of someone. The person you think of can surprise you, or not, but either way, it's very telling. Especially when you're just friends.
3. Chaffing sucks. No cream on the market can ever heal it fast enough. It's not fun walking around like a man with a large penis.
4. It's fun when you discover a new hot guy to watch. Especially when he's on your team. (Tony Graffinino ladies-my new 2nd base yummy)
5. It is funny when someone scares you so bad that you actually say, "Aaaahhh aaahhhh waaa aaaa"
6. Having someone hit the snooze button to stay an extra 9 minutes gives you a nice feeling.
7. Even though it's the correct and clinical name for female genitalia, people are shocked and amazed when "vagina" is used in a story.
8. Dove didn't know what they were getting into by using "Real Women" in their ads. Apparently lots o people are angry when they see size 12 women in their underwear.
9. Stretching the truth to spark some honesty can be fun.
10. You always come to a crossroads right at the moment you arrive at the place you've been working towards. This seems obvious to some, but annoying to me. I'd like to be content.

Has anyone else had any randomivity occur? Feel free to share in the comments section...after all, if DOES feel good to vent!

Smorgasbord, Smorgasbord!

Appetizer: Briefly describe your living room.
It's small. I have 2 green chairs with black swirls on them, a green couch and a coffee table. I painted 1 wall taupe and the others cream. 1 wall has decorative squares, a la Doug from TLC's Trading Spaces, and an oval mirror in the center. Terra di Toscana hangs above my couch. Simple, but comfy.
Soup: List 3 things you'd like to accomplish before the end of 2005.
1. Start culinary school 2. Lose 25 lbs 3. Find the love of my life.
Salad: When you're online, what do you spend the most time reading/playing/doing? Suggest a site for us to visit.
When I'm online I'm usually reading blogs (see links under Blogolicious Blogs) or getting news. I sometimes also chat with my sisters or with my wacky cousins.
Main Course: What would the title of your autobiography be?
Random Acts of Saneness
Dessert: What time do you usually go to bed?
Between 10pm and midnight.

SHARE YOUR ANSWERS IN THE COMMENTS SECTION...

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Parched

Like most every office in the world, we have a water cooler. We get our water here. And boy and I glad!

Our water boys-HOT. Yeah. Very.

It's always a pleasure to see their bright turquoise water truck pull up in front of our building. Not only are the strapping young hotties strong (they carry the water with 1 hand over their heads!) but also friendly and polite! It makes them even more DELICIOUS. The problem is that it's inappropriate to gawk at people who are providing a service to your office, especially when you are the manager. If it were not inappropriate, these are the things I'd like to say/do the our water boy:

1. Hey there hottie, I'd drink your water any day...
2. Excuse me, but I seem to have dropped my...and have him pick it up.
3. Oops...I've dropped it AGAIN! Silly me!
4. How'd you like to make an installation at my house...in my room? Yeah, I've got a water bed.
5. Make me wet.

So, I'm a little preoccupied with the water boy. Is that wrong?

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Heavy Boots

If it were boot season, mine would be heavy.

I just got back from my interview with the local culinary school & found out that I'll need $6500 to attend classes. They start in September, but I'll have to start later...maybe December. That will work better anyway, b/c my boss can't let me leave on Monday's to get to school on time. I have to come up with a solution, as well as come up with the money to go. Total tuition: $17500. Yeah. But I'm stoked!

Here are some of the idea's I came up with to earn money:
1. Sell blood
2. Pimp out my backyard to locals and let them use my grill. I'll even cook the hot dogs.
3. Learn to belly dance.
4. Sell dream interpretations to unsuspecting old people. Tell them their dreams mean they should give me money.
5. Free Willy. I'm sure some animal activists will give me money for his liberation.
6. Have a car wash.
7. Sell tickets to "Scary Boo's Haunted House".
8. Make tee shirts that read, "I wanna cook for you". Sell them at local prisons.
9. Steal buried treasure.
10. Bake cookies and sell them at the entrance to any grocery store. Tell people I'm raising money for the poor.

Any better ideas?

Monday, August 01, 2005

Tubers

This weekend my sisters and I went tubing. It was a blast!!! Though the water was a wee bit cold-meaning our ass cheeks felt like they were frostbitten, we had a great time.

Funny was that I was initially worried about Littlest sissy Mags, but really, I should have been watching out for Middle sissy Mags-she totally wiped out on the second set of rapids.

Hehehe.

Funny shit, seeing your sister fly upside down with her feet spread in the air holding on for dear life to a bright yellow tube.

Yeah. I'm a bitch. But it was funny.

Also funny-seeing a Crazy River Guy. Really-we looked over on the side of the river and saw just some hands and feet sort of floating on the water-no man there-just his appendages.

Then he emerged. Doing the backstroke. With sneakers on. And a dumbass stupid grin on him face. Talking to no one. He bumps into a tuber.

Hellooooo-do you not SEE the millions of yellow tubes floating down the river? I mean, some of us are even holding onto each other, forming big yellow clusters of tubes. And you can't SEE us? WTF!

WHO ARE YOU CRAZY RIVER GUY?!

"Oh...sorry, sorry....sorry" he says with a dumb fucking smile on his face. Again-did you not SEE them? Duh!

But then...he swims. And swims...and sort of follows us.

Where are you going anyway Crazy River Guy? Do you have a home?? Then he did it.

He stood up and walked to the side of the river and ate a leaf.

You can read it again. He ATE a LEAF.

Wacko. And then, just like that, he climbed out of the river and disappeared into the woods.

Crazy River Guy.

Then-as if we weren't amused enough, there was a scarey towel that looked like a snake ready to enter the water-and an even weirder Scarey Eyebrow Piercing Girl, who assured us it wasn't a snake (she works with snakes everyday, you see) but continued staring at it for like, 10 minutes!

Hellooooo!!?!!!?!

Didn't you just assure us that it wasn't a snake? What the fuck are you looking at it like that for? Don't you DARE, Scarey Eyebrow Piercing Girl, tell me it's not a snake and not be sure about that! Because if that IS a snake, and it comes in and bite me, I'm pretty sure I'm putting dirty water in your newly pierced brow and then ripping it out violently, all the while with a big smile on my face.

Yeah, I've got a bit of Crazy River Guy in me now. Oh yeah-you'd better watch out.

Maybe I'm talking to fast for you Scarey Eyebrow Piercing Girl. S-t-a-y a-w-a-y f-r-o-m m-y s-i-s-t-e-r. Yeah. Just b/c you both have a piercing doesn't mean you're friends. All of us have vagina's but hey-you don't see me inviting you over for tea, do you? NO-so-get the fuck away from our tubes before I really get mad. Once I eat a leaf, there's no turning back.

And these are the people in our neighborhood.

Whatever happened to Mr. Rogers?




Sunday, July 31, 2005

Don't It Make My Green Eyes Brown

It's official, my birthday is over. It's been a wonderful compilation of celebrating and fun, and now it's come to a complete halt. I'm sad, as I am with every ending, but am excited to see what this next year brings. Read: I have to do some crazy shit this year-it's the last one in my 20's)

Here are some highlights/observations of my trip with Mr. CM:

1. A mix cd with songs that remind him of me. Basically, he smiles when he thinks of me, and also thinks I'm creative. These are 2 great things, however, I would really like to know at this point what we are. I mean, are we just friends, dating or close to bf/gf? I'm good with any of the above, however, I'm in that "I'd like to stab my eyes out with a fork" stage, especially when others (you know who you are) keep asking me, "So...are you his girlfriend yet?" Yeah. With a FORK. This is me, with bloody eyes!
2. Small hotel rooms are quaint. But not when you're worried about poop sounds. Our bathroom-not so insulated. I heard e-v-e-r-y drop of pee that came out of him during his first bathroom excursion. No pooping occurred from either of us. I think he realized the sound explosion too.
3. Yellow caterpillars can be insalubrious (yes!). To embellish a little: Anti-rash cream was needed. Extra points to me, 'cause I came to the rescue and saved his life. He did, incidentally, call me Florence Nightingale. I think I can chalk a point up in my corner on that one. And no, I did not plant the freakin caterpillar there so I could show off my "I'm a girl who can take care of you skills"
4. Mr. CM can't have more than 2 sangria's.
5. It's good to spend time with someone who also thinks waiters are weird. If your server says "That looks good" about a special, you should wonder why he didn't say, "That tastes good".
6. Wind can be called upon by request. Especially when Mr. CM is trying to make a point to me, Mags, about being in the windiest part of the city.
7. People with boats are weird. Especially when they have their own dingy, are 5 feet away from the shore, and yet, somehow, are stuck.
8. Older men like to rub Mr. CM's leg. He's too nice to say anything about it.
9. Ice Cream in a baseball hat is a good idea, only at the beginning of a game. After that, you will be relegated to standing in a 1/2 long like b/c the 2 young girls behind the counter are discussing some sort of rash they have that burns when they pee. You will, just so you know, miss the most exciting part of the game.
10. Doing this without regret for a cute boy gets you points. I hope.

All in all, it was fabulouso-I managed to get by without any gaseous catastrophe's, though, just so you know, I was completely ready to utilize all of your suggestions.

(not)

Back to the daily grind...