Birthday Extravaganza

Luckily, I don't need this many candles...

Today, ladies and gents, is my BIRFDAY!!!

(and as an added bonus-I'm on bacationnnnnn!)

I already had a birthday extravaganza yesterday at work, which included the worlds coolest cake EVER! It had a pool...yes, a POOL of chocolate pudding right in the middle of it! And, it was in the shape of a tool box! Not just any toolbox, my toolbox. Do I have the coolest effing friends in the whole wide world or WHAT?!? I know, I'm 29 today, I should be a little less excited about birthdays....I usually am, but, this truly has already been the best birthday I can remember to date.

Besides my cake (I KNOW-there was more!) I got:

1. Ugly men. Lots of them. Read blog entry entitled: Delightful Day-Gadget got me back....or did she? ;)

2. Hand made pillows and fabulous placemats with BEADS on the edges. And...they're reversible. Course, we hate my friend b/c she made them all in under 5 minutes...JK-we LOVE, LOVE, LOVE YOU!

3. The book, The 5 People You Meet in HELL>can't WAIT to read it all cover to cover-and also a maritime excursion and an alcoholic beverage of my choice.

4. Flowers from the Big Boss, who, in all the time knowing him, has never giving me anything material.

5. Gift card to get my nails did.

6. Kohls gift card

7. A very cool plaque about best friends-not mother and daughters.

8. A dinner with a lovely lady.

9. Big malted balls, small blueberry balls and a romantic candle-with the secret prayer that love will be in the air during my Boston trip.

And, that all happened PRIOR to today...my real birthday! I am loved.

SO, for all of you who did not see your gift posted, please note, I know who you are, and well, IIIII"MMMM WAAAAIIIITIINNNGGGG!

Lots of love to you all. You truly make my life happier, and give me reason to smile everyday.

Mags

Gump Knew Best...

Thank you to those of you who commented on my "poop" situation. It appears that I am not the only one with "poop anxiety" Many of you commented, mostly outside the world of blog.
1 of my favorites was to eat binding food-such as cheese. This is a great idea, until I am doubled over on the bed in pain because I can't poop-and then, it'll hurt so much that when it in fact is able to come out, I'll have to let it go....in the room, on the bed.

Yeah. I don't think I'll be taking THAT advice, but I certainly do appreciate it.

The best, and most feasible is to allow him to shower first, and while he's in there, go to the lobby restroom. My luck though, I'll forget my key, and I'll have to explain where I was and why. Um, can you let me in? I forgot me key-Yeah...I had to poop really bad, and you were in the bathroom!! NOT!

I think what I'm going to do is just be natural. Everyone poops. I know HE does. You do...I'm sure even my crazy neighbor does, though he does it in the dark. In any case, as Forrest Gump once said, "Shit...it happens" and so it does. We'll be eating seafood for dinner tomorrow...Friday should be interesting. Pray to the toilet Gods for me...

Lonely No More

Chances are you all have felt a little weird or out of place at one time or another. For me, it's an everyday occurance. Often times, I'll be the one who overly enjoys odd little things and when I express my joy, people look at me funny. For instance, when I get to type the word leather. Leather...leather.....leather....sorry, IT'S JUST REALLY FUN!!! It rolls off your fingers, like music on a piano. People chuckle at me when I let out a little "Yes!" after I type it, but I can't help it.

Yesterday was different though. A friend on mine actually confirmed something I said! It was good to have someone on my side for once, even if it was only for a little while.

The office smelled like an old people's home. Specifically, it smelled like someone getting a sponge bath in an old people's home. I could smell the unscented soap (yes, by not having a scent, it has a scent-talk amonst yourselves) the crappy, runny lotion they have, like the kind in the hospital & even the baby powder. It should go without saying that I also smelled old people. Mostly like...pencil shavings. Yes, pencil shavings. If you don't believe me, take a wiff of an old person sometime, and THEN sharpen a pencil...yeah. I know you get it now.

Anyway, in true Maggie fashion, I let everyone know what I smelled. No one really said anything, or even made a noise, except for my friend Pedro. He laughed. I forgot that his nose isn't as aware of smell as mine is, and so I assumed that he didn't smell it too....

Until a few minutes later when he sort of grunted. Loud. He smelled it too.

8-)

Aaaahhhhh....It's good to have friends in weird places.

Ode to You Jenny T

I've known my oldest friend since 4th grade. I was out sick on her first day of school & when I came back, she thought I was a substitute teacher. I was tall...to my dismay, she moved away after 6th grade-however, we somehow remained friends. This blog is for her:

I remember when:

We were jump roping in your CT kitchen and broke a glass bowl. We convinced your little sister to take the blame. Your mom didn't yell at her, just as we suspected, proving once again that little sisters suck.

We had a flour fight in your mom's newly cleaned kitchen. She almost killed us.

We always went into the bathroom together. This was not at all weird to us. We had most of our important conversations in there. I don't know why.

We opened a piece of mail that was accidentally delivered to your house & found a boat load of validated checks. Of course, we opened it in the bathroom. At first we thought we were rich but then we got scared that we could get in trouble. We taped the envelope up & asked to be driven to a mall outside of the area to drop the evidence.

Your dad worked for Ames and had a virtual store in the basement. We used this store illegally to discover what condoms looked like. Of course, we were in the bathroom when we opened them.

You got stung by a bee & I called 911. The whole town came to see what had happened. It is, to this day, still the only time I've ridden in an ambulance. 8-)

We wanted to go ice skating so we walked down the street to some random house with a pond in the backyard & asked if we could use it. The lady said yes. We spent the next few hours looking for the snow covered pond in the backyard. We never found it. After the snow melted, we realized there was never any pond, & that the lady was senile. I think we went into the bathroom afterwards to talk about how we felt.

We made up summer boyfriends. We fabricated stories to tell people & actually told them. My boyfriend was named Corey (After Corey Haim) & we met when he was playing stickball across the street from your house.

We stole a dirty book from the public library & read it in the church playground. (We couldn't use the bathroom b/c we had to read out loud) We discovered the work "cock" & that it apparently could "dance".

Thanks for being such a true friend through the years...you've truly moved me...

And also, moved many bowels.

Love Alwasy,

Mags

Morning Routines

This weekend I spent some time down in Moo Country. (My parent's house) It was a lovely time with my sisters and my niece. We had a bon fire Saturday night and managed to pop popcorn on a camp fire as well as IN a campfire, which is always fun. It's amazing the the 3 of us all find it funny when a single kernel pops and flies out of the fire in flames...

This morning as I woke up to my niece playing Sega, I realized something. Though Mr. CM has spent the night over my house several times, he's never actually gotten ready with me in the morning. He always leaves to shower at home and I, obviously get ready here...

We're going on an overnight trip for my birthday. This will be the first overnight road trip we've ever had. I'm worried about the morning routine thing.

First of all, usually one of the first things you have to do in the morning is poop. I've never smelled any gross smells from Mr. CM yes, however, I'm worried that he'll have to do his morning poop and the hotel room will smell. I'm not so much worried about the smell, b/c I can go for a walk or bury my head in the pillow, or pretend like I don't smell it-but what if he knows I can smell it and is embarrassed? What if it smells so bad that I can't hide it, and my eyes tear up? These are things I have to worry about.

What if I have to go and it makes noise? Those bathrooms aren't sound proof. I can do the whole water running thing and pretend like I'm brushing my teeth, but we have done that together, and he may want to come in. Plus, then when do I flush? What if I wait until after I shower to flush and then forget and he later lifts the seat to pee, and voila! Poop.

Yuck.

Maybe I'll just have to wait until we eat breakfast somewhere and go there...but then there's sitting involved. I can't just hover, ya know? I'm not sure that's the best course of action. I think I'm going to have to put on my 007 cap and think more on this subject. There's could be a way around this...

I'm just hoping it doesn't involve heavy meds to get these thoughts out of my head...8-)

Wonkafied

If it wasn't apparent to me that today's children are drastically different than we were before today, it is now. In fact, Charlie and the Chocolate factory screams DIFFERENT in so many ways, it's not funny.

First of all, Gene Wilder portrayed a creative excentric very well in the original. He was quirky and smart, and I could see and feel that he was a caring individual, even during his somewhat detached interactions with the parents of the unfortunate children. I was not scared of him. I didn't at any point feel that he could snap and kill me. Johnny Depp, on the other hand-fucking crazy. If I were in that factory I think I would have shit my pants. There were some references to a bad childhood and certain points in the movie when he sort of zoned out and had flashbacks. Um-scary! It's apparent right away that he's a freak. Gene Wilder welcomes his guests into the factory by keeping them in suspense and then doing a crazy-I just fell over but did a flip b/c I'm still amazing-stunt. Depp-burns puppets. Freak.

And also-Depp's mean. Granted, I laughed hardest at him when he yelled at Mike TV for mumbling, but I didn't find him loveable at all. Even in the end when he gave the factory away-I didn't enjoy him much.

What's most disappointing to me is that in the classic movie, the candy room was enchanting. It made me want to bite into thick pieces of chocolate and feel them break in my mouth-I wanted to pull the chewy sweet goodness of the oversized gummy bears with my teeth...I could almost smell the sugar when they entered-and that song Wonka sang about imagination...wow. I totally wanted to feel the crunch of the butterscotch that made up his flower tea cup too...magical, I tell ya.

This candy room-boring. No singing, no suspense, just a bunch of brats running around. In fact, they didn't really show them eating candy much at all. The annoying TV kid smashed open a gumball with nasty jelly like stuff and starting beating it up or something freakish, and the fat kid kind of just ran around until he fell in the chocolate river. VERY disappointing.

And also-no flavored wallpaper, no whimsical flute to summons Oompa Loompas (although, there was a funny tribal call, but he only did it once) and no cool sounding Ever Lasting Gob Stopper machine.

There were some good points to the movie-the oompa loompas all looked alike which was comical, and their dance moves were funny. Their songs sucked though. They were all modernized and hip hoppy and didn't convey the same things that the originals did. I mean, why change a good thing? "What do you get when your kid is a BRAT?" Man, that's good stuff..And also, they weren't orange.

Bascially, what I'm saying is that the classic movie was magical. It inspired me to want to eat candy-to want to believe in the impossible and to believe in dreams.

The new movie-made me wonder how a freak like Depp could keep a factory running for so long and if he was perhaps going to kill one of the children and make them into candy.

Verdict: This new movie is no golden ticket.