Saturday, July 23, 2005

Ever Ben in Love?

Ben Affleck and I broke up about a year wasn't pretty. He wanted to stay, I told him no...he begged, he cried, and then finally, he left. We haven't spoken since, although I do randomly get hang up calls and I did find an old sweatshirt of his hanging on my porch one day when I got home. It smelled like his cologne.

I saw him today at the mall. Really, I did. At first, I thought that it was just a look alike, but no, it was him. I'd know his smile anywhere. It's amazing how you forget how good someone looked to you until you see them again in person. Boy, those were the days...just Ben and Me...cruisin' down the highway, windows open...yep, we were going to get married. I was going to have his children. I just couldn't take all the paparazzi. I mean, the pictures of my uncut grass alone were scandalous. Imagine a lifetime of that?

He was shopping in Bath & Body works at first. It's good to know he still exfoliates and moisturizes like I taught him. Yup, that's right ladies, he looks that good because of me. I showed him everything he knows about skin care. His face is as smooth as a babies bottom...

Sorry, I trailed off there for a few minutes...anyway, I stalked him. I walked about 50 feet behind him so that he wouldn't see me. I was doing well until a group of teeny boppers got in my way, and I momentarily lost sight of him and panicked. Yeah-um, I didn't mean to give her a bloody nose. Her face just kind of fell into my Barnes and Noble bag. Really. That bitch screamed so loud that Ben turned to see what was the matter, and that's when it happened.

Our eyes met for the first time in a year. Slowly, a smile came to his face, and he started laughing. The kind of laugh that let me know he still loved me. A laugh that said, "You just punched a girl in the nose for me and I think you're a little psycho, but I love you" laugh. It's my favorite laugh of his. Really.

So, after our Hallmark Movie type reunion-you know...walking slowly toward each other, looking into each others eyes, his hand comes to my face, softly brushes my hair out of the way, and then leans in and kisses me in front of everyone...yeah. I know. You're jealous. It's ok. Really. So, anyway, after that, we went to the food court and ate the daily Bourbon Chicken special and rode the carousel.

After talking it over, we've decided to get married. Life without each other is unbearable, and we just can't do it any longer. The wedding is in October. You're all invited. Really. Once married, I may not be able to write this blog anymore-I'll be too busy trying to have Ben's kids.

Mrs. Maggie Moo Affleck...has a special ring to it, doesn't it?

8-) Mags & Ben-4Eva

Friday, July 22, 2005

Friday Feast

From Friday's Feast Blog. Share you answers in the comment section.

Appetizer: What kind of car do you drive? If you could make an even trade for any other car, what would you want to drive?
--->I drive a 2005 Silver Saturn Ion. I love it. If I could make a trade though, I think I would go with a silver VW Passat.
Soup: Take your phone number and add each number together separately (example: 8+6+7+5+3+0+9=38) - what's the total?
Salad: When were you last outside, and what were you doing?
--->Well, when I was last outside I was on my lunch break and I was, big surprise, shopping! But if you want to count actually outside doing something, I was eating ice cream with Mr. CM. Both the ice cream and him were yummy.
Main Course: What is your favorite restaurant, and what do you usually order there?
--->I don't have a favorite restaurant, so I'll go with the last one I was at. It was On The Boarder with Daddy Mags and Littlest Sissy Mags. I get the Chicken Flauta, Beef Taco and Chicken enchiladas meal. Freakin Great!
Dessert: Name 3 things in which you occasionally indulge.
--->1. Wine 2. Shopping 3. Crab Rangoon

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Failure is NOT an Option

Is it me, or are kids these days being babied. I just read a story about the word "Fail" being taking out of schools. It will be replaced by "Deferred Success".

The problem, dear teachers, is not that our children are told they've failed, it's that they are taught that if they don't excel in one particular subject, they are failures. There is a big difference. Someone who's failed a subject can easily rebound given the proper guidance. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that perhaps the teachers are failing if they are not teaching our children that it is ok to fail.

The key is how they proceed after that.

Do they look upon themselves as failures; as someone who can no longer do well and will never amount to anything? Or do they pick themselves back up, look at their mistakes and learn from them? If the word "Fail" is such a scary word in schools, I'd have to say it's door number one.

And unfortunately for us, the prize is not a shiny new car. It's a child with low self esteem who now thinks that the subjects they are studying in school make up who they are in the real world.

fail·ure Function: noun, a : lack of success

los·er Function: noun, a: : one who is incompetent or unable to succeed.

I'd say those worried about failure are losers when it comes to teaching...

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Delightful Day

Ever heard the saying, "Some days your the bug and some days your the windshield?" (Or something like that) I think today I was the windshield. Little things delighted me all day. Here are some of them:

A little boy was playing a spy detective game by himself in the store I was shopping in. He was dodging bad guys left and right. He was a hero....In the plus size bra section of Lane Bryant. 8-)

I went shopping for new lipstick and ended up getting new nail polish and lip gloss too. Because of the extra purchases, I qualified for a full length CD! I picked Gavin DeGraw-awesome choice!

Mr. CM likes Gave DeGraw too, so I'm going to be extra cool now b/c I'll finally know some songs he does. Way to go L'Oreal!

Smells you remember from your past can never be taken away from you. No matter how old you get to be, where you are, or how you've been hurt, a smell can take you back 20 years. And it will always be yours.

Pictures of fat, disgusting, warty men who otherwise would be revolting, can be funny. Especially when compiled in a scrap book for a friend.

Even though I didn't care much for the new Willy Wonka movie, it's spectacularly wonderful to hear a grown woman sing the jingle to herself while shopping. It's even more wonderful when she forgets other people are around and sings it LOUD.

Birthday cards are arriving at enormous speeds.

Bambi has a new camera phone. Everyone saw her cat today-I got to see him twice. Up close. So close my eye juice touched the screen.

Inspector Gadget came home today. We missed her. Go go Gadget arms!

And also, the MOST delightful thing I've heard today is that someone I love's heart was a "twitter". How fantabulous is that?!

Tons of people are reading this blog! Thanks for humoring me! 8-)

Lots of Love,


And This Means What??

What does it mean when your best friend gives you something because it reminded her of you and it says:

"They say I have A.D.D. but they just don't understand-Oh Look! A Chicken!"


Nope, I'm sorry, I can't even pretend to be offended at this, even for the sake of the cracks me up in a "I can't laugh quietly about this" kind of way.

And also, I like the smell of skunks.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

A Saucy Predicament

She may as well have told me to cook the food myself. Or she could have just picked her nose and put it in my food while I was watching. I mean-she obviously was not interested in the "customer" part of "customer service". And before I go on, yes, I understand I am a bit of a customer service snob-that my standards are WAY higher than most people I know. I understand that not everyone can (or has to) live up to harder than usual rules and regs set by the company they work for.

That being said-What's up with the lack of customer service we're getting these days? I do not wish to believe that companies simply no longer care what the consumer thinks of them. I can not believe that parents are no longer instilling an intrinsic value of doing good for others just because...let alone doing the best you can at everything you do.

Of course, she was already knocked down a few rungs because her ring was bigger than the size of a quarter, she wore more than 1 earring in each ear and her nails would totally have been past the eraser on the top of a pencil. 8-) Such standards...It's really sad, actually.

It's sad that someone should wait at a counter for over 5 minutes while an employee talks on their cell phone-to her boyfriend-who will probably dump her soon anyway. If treated nicely, I will always buy my pizza from her. It's sad that her boss, the owner of the pizza shop, continues cutting tomatoes, even though he knows I've been waiting there and she's been talking on the phone. It's sad that when I sigh, she looks annoyed and then hangs up the phone by slapping it shut, and THEN comes over and stares at me. She doesn't smile, doesn't ask how she can help me, just stares and waits for me to order. Sad. She didn't actually say anything to me at all. Even when it was time to pay. She just kind of looked at me again and waited for me to produce the payment.

Sad is that they have the best pizza around and I really enjoy eating there for lunch.

They no longer give service with a smile. Instead, they suck you in with their product, making it so good you can't help but go in spite of who they hire....Bastards.

Does anyone else have trouble getting good customer service these days?

Monday, July 18, 2005


Here are some of the things I fear-most are irrational:

1. Old people. Their skin is so baggy and soft that it could theoretically be peeled off layer by layer. This is a fact, and I’ve known someone who’s known someone who did the peeling. Ew.
2. Touching someone else’s bodily fluids. Like drool for instance. I think this may also be part of the reason why I don’t like old people.
3. Dead people. Most of you also don’t like/fear dead people, but I REALLY don’t like them. There’s really nothing you can do but stare at them, and after you stare so hard, you think they moved. I always completely expect them to turn their heads and wink or something.
4. Snakes-not only are they the serpents who walk on their bellies brought by the devil, they are ugly. They slither and bite and drop from trees and show up in people’s toilet bowls and hide in the grass so you can step on them, and then they’ll bite you.
5. Feet. Now, I am not really afraid of feet, unless they are really nasty and crusty and have funkified toe nails. (Ok, so maybe I’m a little afraid of them-most that they’ll touch me) I just don’t really like the foot. It’s not a pretty part, it often smells, and some people can’t reach them, and therefore don’t take care of them.
6. Touching slimy floors with bare feet. Mostly because other people’s feet have also touched the floor, and I can’t image what those people’s feet look like if they don’t care that they are touching this disgusing floor.
7. Ghosts. Especially after watching scary movies. I’m still freaked out by “The 6th Sense” and often times run past my bed so the girl with the bat doesn’t try to get my attention. Other times, I’ll feel like I’m not alone and I’ll keep looking over my shoulder until I freak out so bad that I run to and from wherever I need to be. It’s not pretty.
8. That all the people I know will die and I’ll be left alone and no one will have known the people I did and so the memory of them will also die. This is not at all irrational. It is completely possible that everyone I know gets on a bus together to come see me for my birthday or something and it gets bombed. And yes, it would be a very big bus.
9. People who have been in jail. Though many of you know, I am fascinated with delinquency, when in the presence of someone who’s been imprisoned, I can’t breath. I have to admit, it may be b/c I’m strangely intrigued and secretly want to ask them questions.
10. Being lost. I love exploring and love taking adventures that start with-go left. (Remember, when in doubt, go left) But I hate being completely lost-not on purpose. I always think-“What happens if I run out of gas and have no cash and my phone doesn’t work and someone comes by to help me but they are psycho and they kill me and then no one will find me….

Wow. I think I need to lay down….

A Plee to the Phlegm God

Rant on:

If you have something in your throat-cough. DON”T keep trying to clear it over and over and over and….well, you get the point. Perhaps you could go drink some water, or tea would be nice. But please-PLEASE don’t keep trying to bring the phlegm up slowly. No one wants to hear that. And if, for some freaky reason you can’t just cough-go in the bathroom and dance with your phlegm alone.

Thank you.

Rant off.