Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Golden Balls and Itchy Feet

Do people really still go bowling? I was amazed yesterday when I drove past a bowling alley (at 9:30am!) and saw like, 25 or 30 cars in the lot. Who are these people and why are they bowling at 9:30am?

Do any of you know chronic bowlers? I’ve known of people on bowling leagues. But these are people who have other things in their lives and typically join the league with friends and a promise of free beer. And maybe a trophy.

But at 9:30am on a Tuesday, there were at least 25 people bowling. At 9:30am. And that’s not even counting the other people they may have brought along with them. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’ve never woken up and thought, “Yesterday was a really shitty day. I’m callin’ in sick and I’M GOIN’ BOWLING DAMN IT!” Nope. Not me. I’d choose maybe, um…shopping. Perhaps for shoes that don’t require disinfectant prior to wearing them…freakin’ bowling. Are you kidding me?

Who are the people who bowl at 9:30am on a Tuesday? Let’s see…I’d say someone named Biff and probably Chuck. Their wives Candy and Sue tag along and chain-smoke in the corner (though I think it’s now illegal in there too…but I could be wrong). Sue is prego-Candy is doing her nails in the same white trash pink I spoke of last week. They’re looking forward to having lunch with their men: Cheese dogs and beer.

Do these people really exist?!?! I almost wanted to forgo my eye exam just so I could go in and observe.

I know, I know…some people bowl for a living. They train vigorously day in and day out, picking up balls, swinging their arms and practicing that cool, “I just got a strike” hand move that’s always followed by a “YESSSSSS” or a “Who’s number one?!” (I know you know what I’m talkin’ about, so don’t even try to deny it.) But I find it hard to believe that the people I saw parked in this particular bowling alley are some of the world’s best bowling contenders.

And do the world’s best bowling contenders still look like my stereotypes? Or did they “clean up good” once they won their first golden ball? Did they switch their Bud Ice for Guinness or Sam Adams? Do they snack on honey-roasted cashews instead of corn nuts? Do they-gasp-wash their hands after playing?

Oh, to know the details of a chronic bowlers life…


One who listens said...

I would consider going bowling at 9:30am on a Tuesday morning under the following conditions:

1. It's a holiday.
2. More than two people want to go with me.
3. Um, that's it. Only two conditions.

Bowling is actually quite fun, and I think I can actually see a bowling alley from my new position near a window at work. :)

But not now. It's too dark.


Mags said...


You'd bowl on a holiday? That's nut man. Nuts I tell ya!! ;)

And yes, bowling can be fun, but I was just baffled that people were there that early.

C-Unit said...

You know Mags, some people do like to bowl. I like to go maybe once a year. You know stinky Shaun threw a 300 and even won a ring!! WooHoo!!

Mags said...

Yeah,'re not helping the case. I mean, look at him! He sort of fits the "I bowl on a Tuesday" mold...

And yes, I understand people like to bowl...normal people. I like to throw a few balls down now and then. I just didn't know that many people did it...and during the day!

One who listens said...

Wow! You know someone who got a three hundred???

I've only ever got about one hundred and fifty. :)

I like bowling, I'm just not very good at it. :)


C-Unit said...

He actually bowls on Mondays! LOL

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