Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Curiously Strong Breath

Everyone's had bad breath. Whether you ate onions on your sandwich for lunch or your meatballs are repeating-you've been there. Usually in these cases, you are aware of your foul breath and often mask it with a curiously strong mint or some gum.

And then there's the breath that you don't know you have. The cotton mouthed "I need a drink of water" breath. This is when true friendships are revealed...when instead of letting you plod through your day offending people with your stanky cotton breath, they tell you to brush your teeth or eat a mint. These friends should promptly be elevated in status, as everyone knows how hard it is to tell someone they stink.

There are times though, when I can not understand how someone can NOT know their breath is rank. Take, for instance, the "breath so bad I can smell it in when I pass your office" breath. I don't really think that I need to elaborate on this, however, for the sake of elongating this post, I will.

If your office smells like your rancid breath, you know it's time to brush your teeth.

If, when passing your office on the way to another location I can smell your rancid breath, it's time to invest in some mints.

If having a conversation with you requires a gas mask, it's time to get some gum.

And also, that smell lingers. I don't know how you do it, but, Bravo! You managed to somehow get your smelly breath to last, and last and last...well after you've left the building. Perhaps you are in the wrong line of work.

But here's my question to you, my smelly mouthed friend-even if you don't know that your breath is the source, don't you wonder what the smell is when you walk back into your office?!

Why aren't you tearing that sucker up trying to find moldy cheese or a leftover lunch container? How can you not be spraying cans and cans of air freshener and scrubbing your desk furiously trying to eliminate that God awful smell?

It just makes me wonder...that's all I'm sayin'.

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