Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Jesus Loves The Frog Guy

Though I was raised to know and love God, I was never forced or even really brought to church, except rare occasions in which my parents felt guilty. A little over 3 years ago, my younger sisters and I decided to take adult catechism classes so that we could be confirmed. (We'd all been baptized and had our first holy communion, but stopped after that)

First of all, my youngest sister loves to sleep late. She was only just 14 and though she wanted to participate, getting up for the 8am mass was overwhelming. She was always half asleep, often dozing during mass.

There was also a very hot guy in our class-and he sat next to me. My mother, the crazy bitch that she is, told his wife (who was a few years older than me, but went to my high school) that I thought he was hot. I was, just so you know, also married at the time. Talk about embarrassing.

My middle sister was pregnant. And unmarried. I think she tried to keep it a secret from them for a couple of weeks because she didn't know how they'd react. They were fine with it and welcomed her, giving her info about Rye Bread's baptism.

So we were a strange trio in this class. I would feel bad about this, only there was one person who trumped us:

The Frog Guy.

We call him the frog guy because he loves frogs. He drives a small green Geo. In the passenger side, he sits a human sized frog-with its seatbelt on. The back seat is completely covered with frog stuffed animals and he has a bumper sticker about preserving the rain forests and the frogs. He's very sweet, but also, very, very weird. He always tried to assist our deacon when he was explaining things...

One day Moneypenny (which is his real name-I know-no one has real names here!! But-that's a great one, and so I kept it), our deacon was explaining marriage and divorce and annulments. He explained that an annulment could be had if, for instance, the marriage was not consummated.

The frog guy, trying to be helpful, and trying to break down the big bad word, "consummated" broke in and said:

"Basically, it means you and your husband are legally married."

Silence spread throughout the room. Giggles (mostly mine and the hot guys-go figure) had to be stifled.

Moneypenny, shaking his head, and also stifling a giggle replied:

"Um, noootttt exactlllyyyy." He flashed us an amused look and continued, "It means that a husband and wife have sex."

I tell ya-that frog guy cracks me up. It was not so much that he was wrong about what "consummated" meant, but how sure he was about it...and how eager he was to "break it down" for us in laymen's terms.

Gotta love the frog guy.


GMadrid said...

Poor Frog Guy. Since most frogs are asexual I bet he had no idea about sex at all. I am sure he thought he was married to his hand after that because he had sex with it. Sorry for the gross image, but it made me laugh.

Mags said...

Um. Yeah. That WAS a gross image, however, a valid point.

Ugh. If you SAW the frog guy, you'd be very disturbed right now!

C-Unit said...

I still see him driving around town once in a while. Cracks me up every time!

One who listens said...

That's not exactly it, but it's close enough.

If, for example, two married people start to have sex, but the man falls asleep before he "releases his seed", then the marriage isn't consumated then, either.

Funny the things you find out on the web, isn't it? :)


Mags said...


You said "releases his seed"

And also-you find a lot of stuff on the net!

Mags said...


I KNOW! It's wicked funny to see him driving through D.R. with that darn frog in the seat!

His poor wife-I wonder if he puts her in the trunk-there's nowhere else to sit!!

C-Unit said...

Its the frog mobile! The little green Geo even looks like a frog!!

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