Boys, boys everywhere! Cute boys! Boys in ties! Boys with dark hair and dark eyes! Boys with pretty smiles and charming conversations!
What a great day I had at work yesterday-even if I wasn't feeling quite up to par yet, I'll tell ya, I was surrounded by cute boys. And you all know how I love cute boys. Especially when they are all dressed up in shirts and ties! (I did some recruiting at a local job fair-really, that's what they paid me for.)
Unfortunately, I didn't bring MY resume and the position I really want filled wasn't posted on the board. Judy did offer to come and be my personal recruiter, but alas, she was tied up with "real work" duties. Geezo.
There are a few things I'd like to throw out there to those of you who DO attend job fairs. When trying to get a job:
1. You shouldn't say, "I'm just coming over here to talk to the prettiest girl in the room." Because really, though I have to admit I blush when you say this, it makes you pretty much un-hireable. First of all-have you HEARD about sexual harassment? C'mon cute boy-be smarter than that! 'Cause I gotta tell ya-I would have LIKED to have some eye candy in the office-and you have now ruined my legitimate chance. Thanks A LOT!
2. You shouldn't wear a sweat suit. Especially if it's velour and especially if it's purple and ESPECIALLY if you are an overweight middle aged man. This is wrong even if you are a woman, but it's 10 times worse being a man. Dress to impress. If sexual harassment boy can put on a tie, I'm sure you can too.
3. You should be prepared, but not TOO prepared. Though being prepared is always appreciated, I tend to be scared of those of you who rehearsed your lines in the mirror before you came. Because when you are nervous, it comes out like, "HIMANAMEISJRMYSMITHNI'MARECENTGRADUATE
And I'm just gonna laugh at you.
4. You should brush your teeth. Grit and grime are never a good thing, but piled on your teeth not only looks bad, but also smells horrid. I wouldn't hire you to scrub my shoes, let alone talk to my customers. Harsh, I know, but you burned off my eyelashes while talking to me with your dragon breath, so I think you can forgive me this time.
5. You should have a resume. And it shouldn't be crumpled, torn, smudged or incomplete. If you did not take the time to compile all of the lies you are going to tell me, how am I going to get to see your creative side, hmm?
By following these simple rules, you too, can be a successful candidate at your local job fair.